Brand New Start
by Darkira
Summary: When an event rider and his horse go through a serious trauma, a "horse whisperer" is needed to try and get the horse back on track. But is the rider beyond any help? How about the whisperer himself? AU/AH/M/Slash/Jasper&Edward M for future lemons.
1. The Way We Were

**Disclaimer**:

First of all, this is the longest disclaimer in my writing-history. For a very good reason. So read it.

I own nothing Twi, that stuff belongs to S. Meyer. I don't own any of the lyrics quoted in this story, not in this chapter nor the ones to come. The lyrics are the property of their respective owners.

**I'm not giving out advice on how to deal with troubled horses or people for that matter. I'm not a vet nor a therapist. _This is a work of fiction._ **

This story will eventually have sexual content, thus not being suited for anyone under the age of 18. Further warnings will be posted to the beginning of the chapters that include lemons.

If I'm making a lot of errors with the horse-related lingo, please do point that out by sending me a _private message_. I like to learn what I can, and since English isn't my first language and my darling beta Beautiful Figment doesn't know squat about horses, we're pretty much screwed with the lingo. ;)

Do read the Author's Note at the end of this chapter, please. There's some stuff you need to know in there.

Enjoy.

xxxXxxx

**Brand New Start**

Chapter 1

This would be my hardest job ever. I knew that even before I saw the video of what had happened to them.

The rider was severely injured, and the horse had broken her hind leg along with sustaining other serious injuries.

Have you read that book, or seen the movie, _The Horse Whisperer_? Well this was pretty much the same deal, though the accident, horse and rider were very different. I was no Robert Redford either.

The rider was twenty one, a grown man and one of the best eventing riders in the state, if not the entire Southeast region. In a few years he might have even been the best in the country.

The horse was a mare, a thoroughbred and clydesdale cross. She was eight years old and in her prime, or so the rider's parents told me. Since the accident, she had gone from being a docile horse with fiery competitive instincts to a wild beast that broke herself if kept inside the stable. She was only happy outside and never tried to escape the large paddock that housed her now. Nobody had been able to touch her in the two months after she had been given the all clear by the vet, and even he hadn't been able to do anything but observe her.

After the accident, the horse had been operated on and had received the best care money could buy. Following her surgery she had been closed in a box inside her stable. This box restricted her mobility throughout the duration of her lengthy recovery as any excess movements would cause even more damage.

I hated the gig from the start. I was the horse whisperer in this equation; the one with the ability to connect with the animals, read them and try to get them back to their natural state. A state which for this mare, did not include cowering in the corner of the paddock waiting for half an hour to go get her food when it was given to her, wanting to be sure nobody will hurt her again.

I had a feeling this wasn't going to be about the horse alone. The tone of the mother's voice on the phone had made it clear that she was afraid that she was going to lose her child. The way she begged me, the way I could hear the once dignified woman fight back her tears... I couldn't tell her no. I couldn't tell her I didn't do this sort of work anymore.

I left my little house on the prairie, as my sister calls it, and took the first available flight to the family's home in Kentucky. During the flight I looked at the video his mother had sent me. I had had just about enough time at the airport to download it from their private server to my laptop.

It wasn't until that moment that I realized just what I was up against.

The video wasn't meant to be sentimental nor a trip down memory lane, I could tell that. It was a portrait of her son and I could see what she meant, what made her beg for my help.

In the first part of the clip he looked like he was barely in his teens. He was riding a massive gelding, maybe a clydesdale and kept telling his mother behind the camera that he was okay, that he was just going to jump a few times. With a turn of the camera I could see the course he had made for himself. The fences were really high and I was already anxious.

I heard a voice behind the camera, possibly belonging to the boy's father. "_Esme, he's wearing his helmet and his back protector. I'm here if something goes wrong. He needs to learn his limits_," he assured her and she sighed deeply enough for the camera to dip slightly.

The camera then tilted back to the boy on the large horse. He began to gallop around the field and approached the first fence which they flew over easily. The camera shook with what I was sure was relief.

He kept laughing, I could hear it, and the horse looked enthusiastic as well. When he decided to cut a corner, the horse did his best but he was too large for the move and had to stop. He refused to jump at the last second and the boy had no chance of staying in the saddle.

The camera dropped as his mother wailed. I wasn't able see what happened, but the scene of the boy flying in the air over the horse's neck and then the fence was burned into my memory. I heard the sound of running footsteps and I turned up the volume on my headphones. My body tensed up with anxiety from not being able to see what was happening, not being able to see if the boy was alright.

"_Son, are you alright?" _I heard his father in the distance. His mother was still crying but then she exhaled loudly. I could hear a tiny bit of laughter in her tone when she picked up the camera again to point it towards the boy.

He got up, laughing his butt off and clutched his stomach. The horse was approaching them again and he looked sheepish. I could tell from his body language that he thought he betrayed the boy's trust by not jumping.

My muscles relaxed as I heard the boy speak to the horse. "_It's okay Mickey, my fault...not yours. You're a good lad. I was being stupid. Are you okay?" _ His father looked over and then walked back to where the mother was with the camera. In the background I could see the boy checking the horse thoroughly, although, visibly, the horse appeared fine.

"_I'll try that once mo_re," he called out and got back in the saddle.

The next jump was more collected, they flew over a fence that seemed so very high for a horse that size. It seemed effortless, the boy was laughing and the horse seemed happy to do what the boy asked.

The second part of the video started with the boy and, this time, the mare competing. I could see this was an older clip as it was not more advanced than a novice-class competition. They moved so seamlessly, so perfectly together. The mare was black with white high stockings and a huge star on her forehead. She was gorgeous and the way she listened to his instructions was perfection.

There was a minute or so of each part of the event. There was the dressage which consists of certain movements in an enclosed arena. It tests how well the horse and the rider worked together, how obedient the horse is, and their balance and rhythm. Some would say it looks like the horse and the rider are dancing, which to me was quite an accurate description.

The dressage was followed by the cross country, which is a test of endurance. The course is in open nature; there are dozens of solid natural fences and long routes where horse and rider demonstrate their speed. I wasn't sure I could do that myself as it requires both the horse and the rider to be extremely fit. I was fit, but not that fit.

The last part was show jumping, set in a ring to test the obedience and the technical jumping abilities of the horse. That's what you've probably seen on tv, colorful fences and riding against the clock with as few penalties as possible.

They excelled in each part of the event and the last bit of part two of the video was the awards ceremony. Judging by the date in the lower corner of the video, it had been two years since this competition.

The third part of the video had similar images from different events, the boy, now a young man, with the mare; always so perfect together. Different events showed the duo landing in one of the top three positions, if not winning outright.

I didn't want to see the fourt part of the video once it began, but I knew I had to; to know what happened to them that made them what they were now.

Taking a deep breath, I watched.

I was grateful that it wasn't his mother behind the camera this time.

They approached the brush fence. No big deal, they'd jumped hundreds of those. It was high, but it wasn't their first intermediate competition. It was a tougher event, but they had done these before. His mother told me that "_there seemed to be nothing they couldn't do together",_ and I believed her.

They were coming up to one particular brush fence and I could tell the exact split second when things went wrong. When they began the jump, the horse's left hind leg slipped and she did her best to complete the jump. Unfortunately, her balance was gone by the time they came to the landing and her feet gave in.

Nobody can explain how it happens. One in a hundred, they say. One in a hundred of riding accidents during these events. That's all it takes.

The rider realized they wouldn't make it but it was too late.

The horse made a perfect somersault. I watched in horror as the young man got crushed by the horse when it rolled over him on the ground and I could hear people screaming. With tears in my eyes, I watched the paramedics rush to him. At this point, the horse tried to get up but stumbled on her broken leg.

Pressing pause I tried to control my breathing and the flight attendant was suddenly at my side.

"You alright, sir?" she asked, worried.

"Yes Ma'am. Could you bring me some whiskey?" I asked and she nodded. She returned quickly with my drink and watched me toss it back, emptying the glass.

"Another one?" she asked and I shook my head.

"I'm okay now. Thanks, darlin'," I said and flashed her a grin.

"Alright," she said and blushed sweetly, "but tell me if you need anything else." She then stumbled off with my empty glass.

After wiping my eyes, I replayed the entire video several times until I could replay it behind my closed lids if I wanted to. The mother's words, well trained as she had no doubt said them before, played in my ears as an echo of our phonecall.

"_My son suffered several broken bones, including his collarbone, jaw, his left arm, leg and hip, and three ribs. He also sustained a serious concussion and was comatose for sixteen days. He was paralyzed from the waist down for three months and still walks stiffly because he refuses to go to physical therapy. The scars on the inside are worse. He rarely speaks and doesn't go anywhere near the stables and he hasn't asked about the mare once, though he knows she's alive. They were best friends for years; she was closer to him than any of his human friends. We need you to help us, Mr. Whitlock. I know you don't do this kind of work anymore, but you are quite literally our only hope. Please, I'm begging you."_

Esme Cullen had clearly done her homework. She knew I didn't do these things. I took the easy cases and got them done, trained young horses and helped to heal the less damaged ones. This mare...she was damaged goods, just like her rider was.

So why was I there?

It wasn't simply because of the mother's tears or words, or even this video.

Digging my wallet from my back pocket, I looked at the picture she mailed to me. It was recent, approximately a year old; a couple of months before the accident, according to Mrs. Cullen.

In the picture, the sun glistened in the green eyes of the young man. He grinned crookedly with his right arm around the horse's neck. The star on the mare's forehead shone in the sun and the ears of the animal were pointed towards the camera. They looked so happy, so peaceful and relaxed. His hair was reflecting the sunlight; it looked red but his mother used the word, "bronze". They were the picture of ease and friendship and trust. I'd never seen anything so lovely in my life.

Turning the picture around, I saw the words, "Edward and Calla" printed on the back. Three simple words, no date, because a date is not needed.

Pressing play again, I began watching the fifth and final part.

I saw the mare as she was now. Her hooves were in terrible condition because nobody could get close enough to her to trim them. She wasn't malnourished because she did eat. She even shone in the light of the sun that hit her tangled black mane.

When the camera and the person behind it moved outside the fence, the mare kept the human in her line of sight at all times, moving with them, always keeping as much distance between herself and the "camera man" as possible. I could tell she was terrified and I feared this might turn out to be something I couldn't handle. I was beginning to doubt that anyone could.

The scene in the video changed and Edward appeared. He didn't realize he was being filmed as he limped out of the house and towards a path that led into the woods. It seemed as though he made a conscious effort not to look to his right where the stable and the paddocks were.

The person with the camera didn't follow him. It wasn't necessary. Even from a distance I could see he was thin; he looked...dead. There was something angry in his posture, angry and resigned and something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

There was nothing about that man, not even a hint, that resembled the young boy in the first part of the video. The video concluded with a fade to black and I closed my laptop with a sigh.

Something about these two, Edward and his mare Calla, called to something inside me. I didn't know what it was. We hadn't met yet and he was not the same young man from the picture. He was no longer the happy-go-lucky, talented young rider but instead, a broken shell of himself. Calla wasn't anything like she used to be either. I knew I needed to stretch my creativity to get through to her.

I was almost ten years older than he was and had lived through and seen so much, yet this broken young man had invaded my mind so completely, it amazed me.

I knew already that I was going to do this for him, not just for his family or his horse. Generally speaking, I concentrated on the animal first and foremost, but that might not be the case this time.

I had made this mistake once before, concentrated on the owner of the horse instead of the animal. That was why I stopped doing these gigs, however, I couldn't think of that now. I certainly couldn't think of _her_ now.

The only thing I could think of was the fact that I had a half an hour until the plane would land and I was going to meet him and his horse for the first time. I was not a religious man, I never had been, but I had the sudden urge to pray to some entity, some deity that might be listening.

"_Please, help me help them. Help me bring the mare back to her old self. Help me make Edward's eyes shine with joy again. And please, help me."_

**xxxXXxxx**

**Author's Note:** Thanks for reading. I hope you like it so far.

I've set up a blog for this story, it's at http://brandnewstartfic(dot)blogspot(dot)com

There will be links to stuffs and all that jazz, trust me, you'll want to bookmark it if you liked this chapter. ;)

There is a second part to this first chapter already written, a lot of what will be third chapter is also done. Once we (myself and my beta) get the second chapter sorted, it will be posted, probably quite soon, in the next day or two I hope. :) Chapter 2 is where the boys actually meet for the first time.

In the future we'll post the chapters as we get them done. I'll try to make it at least every other week, if not every week, as I do have **Willingly and Joyfully **to work with too. This story will, however, be my main focus from now on.

**The Fandom Gives Back auction** is coming, SOON. Remember that I have my own thread there and this story and the EPOV for stuffs will be up for grabs if you bid bid bid... ;) There is something from EPOV written already, so it is there, just need some incentive to get it out properly... Need I hint more? Here is a link to my thread. :) Go check it out. Do it for the kids. http://thefandomgivesback(dot)proboards(dot)?board=fic&action=display&thread=44

You who got through the epic Disclaimer and the almost as epic Author's Note, I congratulate you. You did well. I promise these will be shorter in the future chapters.


	2. First Sight

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything Twi, all that stuff belongs to Ms. Meyer. All the song lyrics quoted in this story are owned by their respective owners.

I'm also not a horse whisperer/veterinarian/psychiatrist or anything else like that. This is a work of fiction and my words are not to be taken as instruction on how to deal with troubled horses or people.

Check out the Author's Note at the bottom of the page.

**xxxXXxxx**

**Brand New Start**

Chapter 2

Their stable hand, Emmett, was meeting me at the airport. I could tell it was him from the way he was dressed; steel-toed work boots, comfortable jeans and a tank top under a flannel shirt. He was also a pretty big guy, probably at least two inches taller than my 6'3". Built like a draft horse, he was muscular and a bit bulky, but not in an obnoxious way.

Turning his head towards the gate, he had a huge grin on his face. He looked to be maybe twenty five-years-old, and everything about him told me that he was open and easygoing. He would probably be easy to work with and I would need him for sure.

"Mr. Whitlock." He nodded and we shook hands.

"You're Emmett, right? Just call me Jasper." I smiled at him and he nodded again.

We didn't speak much before we got my baggage and headed for the car. The airport was too noisy for a conversation.

"So, you're here to help Edward and Calla?" he asked as he started the car and carefully steered it away from the airport area.

"I'm here to try and see if Calla is beyond help or not," I corrected him.

"Oh...yeah. You only whisper to horses." He followed the statement with a smirk as he glanced at me.

"Sometimes I end up relieving the stress the owners are living with as well, but I think Edward may be way past that," I said with a sigh.

"Esme sent you that morbid home movie?" he asked with a dry smile.

"Yes. I knew about the accident since it was in the news, but seeing it... the whole thing..." I shook my head.

"Yeah. I actually saw it happen. I was there. Still the worst memory of my life, seeing someone I grew up with get crushed like that." He shivered at the memory as he drove.

"Esme told me you're related to them?" I asked and he nodded in response.

"Yeah, it's no secret. Esme's my aunt. Sadly her sister wasn't much of a mother, so I came to live with them when I was ten. Edward was four but we still became best friends." He grinned a bit sadly.

"You know there are no guarantees that I can help Calla, right?" I asked him and he nodded, something he seemed to do a lot. "I'm going to need a lot of help and a lot of patience. I can try and help Edward through her but I need to get her better first," I explained and he nodded.._again_.

"Whatever you need, man: I know you know what you're doing. I might be able to help, since I feel like I know more about that horse than anyone else, and that includes Edward being he hasn't seen her since the accident," Emmett said and it occurred to me that he was probably right.

"Mickey, the gelding from the beginning of that video, is her father. Her mother is an awesome thoroughbred that lives on a farm not far from us. She's a really good and fast horse, and she's hot tempered. Calla's the perfect mix, really. I watched her grow, watched her flourish. I love that horse, too but it's like...she doesn't see any of us. All she sees is pain when she looks at someone." His words were spoken quietly, I could tell he meant every one of them and that he would quite possibly be a great asset.

"I hope we can work together and figure things out for both their sakes," I said, smiling weakly.

"I thought you said you were all about the horses," he said and my smile grew a bit.

"I am, normally. I don't know...something about them just gets to me. Maybe it was Esme who won me over. I don't do these gigs anymore...not anything as difficult as this, anyway," I said with a sigh. I also realized that I was fidgeting.

"Something went awry?" he asked casually and I just nodded in response.

He didn't push for more information and for that I was grateful.

"One thing is for certain. Even if do get through to Calla, there will be setbacks. If there are, if I get hurt with her, you need to be there to tell them it's worth it. Unless I tell you, I'm calling the shots, okay?" I asked and he glanced at me.

"I already said I was with you," he said and I knew he would be. Emmett didn't seem like the type to say something he didn't mean, no matter how talkative he was.

We chatted casually and it took us maybe half an hour to get to the little farm.

It was one of those typical small Kentucky farms. There was the main house, a guest house stables for six horses. There were fields all around the yard, spreading as far as the eye could see. It truly was a lovely place.

The main house was two stories. During the drive, Emmett told me that he and Edward lived upstairs, with a guestroom between them. The downstairs was a bit larger with the master bedroom and the standard things like the kitchen, dining room and living room. What was originally a sun room at the back of the house was now Dr. Cullen's office.

"He works in the city but has his office here. It's tragic, really. He's an amazing surgeon but can't help his own son. I know it brings him down. Esme is the perfect mother, she's a florist and has her own business with a shop in the city. They won't let him move out, though he has told them he wants to live on his own I even told him that I'd rather he not be on his own; that he might just sink deeper into his depression or whatever it is." Emmett relayed this information as we drove down the long driveway lined by pastures.

"They really are your family," I said thoughtfully.

"Yep. They are. I'd do anything for them," he confirmed and parked the car in front of the little house off to the side.

The three buildings, the stable, the main house and the guest house, formed a triangle. The driveway ended between the stable and the main house, with the guest house off to the side, towards the back of the yard.

"This is where you'll stay. I think Esme wants for you to come and have lunch with her once you've unpacked. She took the day off for you," he said, lifting my bags, all two of them, to the porch of the guest house before giving me a wave.

"I'm off to the city; need to do some shopping of my own," he said with a grin. "Just go to the main house when you're ready."

Retreating to the house, I unpacked some things but leaft the majority of my stuff in their suitcases since I wasn't sure if I was going to stay, yet. I needed to chat with the Lady of the house first.

It was a sunny day so I changed into a long sleeved tshirt and decided that the jeans I had on would be fine. Leaving the house, I walked to the stables, ignoring everything else. I could see the paddock peeking out from behind the stable and instead of sneaking towards it, I walked with my usual speed, keeping my body language relaxed as I went to lean on the fence.

The mare looked bad. As soon as she spotted, me she snorted and retreated, trotting to the back corner of the paddock. From there, she looked at me, trying not to show that she was keeping an eye on me. Her hooves were in a terrible condition. That would have to be addressed first.

The mare turned her ears towards me, indicating someone's approach. Turning my head, I saw a woman who appeared to be in her early fifties. Her hair was a lovely caramel color and her skin was flawless. There was an open, friendly smile on her face and and she had gorgeous eyes, the color of melted chocolate.

"Mrs. Cullen, nice to meet you, Ma'am," I said in a low and calm tone, so the mare would see that I was friends with someone she knew.

"Mr. Whitlock, call me Esme. And it is nice to see you ignored my request to meet me for lunch in favor of meeting Calla. I appreciate the dedication," she said, shaking my hand. Her handshake was firm and friendly, just like she seemed to be.

"Call me Jasper." Smiling, I turned to look at the mare. "She is a lovely horse," I said looking at the mare.

Hearing Esme sigh next to me, I looked at her and saw tears in her eyes and I wondered what I said to cause them.

"Oh...it's nothing...it's just...you're the first person that's come to see her who says she _is_ lovely, not _was_." She looked at me through her long, and thick lashes. Being she was a petite woman, I towered over her.

"Anyone can see that she is just that. I can't guarantee anything, though. You need to keep that in mind." It was best that I was upfront with her about this fact right away.

"It's allright. I have a good feeling about this. At least you're willing to try. Usually, people take one look at her body language and decide she's not going to make it. Most say we should have put her down," she said with a sigh.

"I don't think that would have been the right thing to do," I replied as she placed her tiny hand on my forearm.

"Thank you for coming, Jasper." She smiled at me warmly, and I truly felt welcome.

"There's no telling how long this will take. All I'm asking for are meals and a roof over my head for now. It might take a week or it could take months; I have the time. I can try to do this but it will be on my terms. If I tell you, at any point, that I think she's out of reach of my help, I will need for you to respect that," I said in the same quiet and courteous tone.

"Of course. Whatever you need. Any resources you need, no matter the cost. If you need something for yourself, it will be arranged. The guest house is yours for as long as you need it. You can go to shop for groceries with Emmett; he goes to the city several times every week, or you can take his car and drive yourself when he doesn't need it. You can also come and eat with us in the main house whenever you want, at any given time," she said with a smile, her tone matching mine, as she noticed that the mare was paying more attention to us.

The horse wasn't relaxed, but she was definitely slightly less cautious.

"We need to leave her to think about this," I told Esme and she nodded.

"Yes, lunch maybe?" she asked with a smile and we turned to walk to the main house.

She prepared us some sandwiches and salad and made a fresh pot of coffee. While we sat in the kitchen eating our food, I heard shuffling from the stairs.

Esme's eyes shot towards the door and then to me and I shook my head firmly. She nodded and we continued the discussion.

"I think I'll just get to know her first; hang around outside the paddock until she's used to me. Don't be surprised if you see me there at night as well." I chuckled as Edward walked in to the kitchen to grab some coffee from the counter.

"Sweetie, take some sandwiches, too," Esme told him without looking at him. Edward ignored us both and shuffled back upstairs.

He was even more skinny now. I could see his collarbones stick up from his tshirt and his hip bones were barely supporting the sweatpants he was wearing. When he opened the door and his muscles moved - the little muscle tone that was left, anyway - I could see how pronounced his spine was through his shirt. The vivacious young man from the picture I had in my wallet was gone, just like the horse was.

His cheeks were sunken much like his eyes. Keeping his eyes downcast, he limped away from us with his coffee. I sighed a breath I hadn't known I was holding when I was sure he wasn't within earshot.

"He was skinny to begin with. All of this has made him lose his appetite. His father has all but given up hope..." Esme sighed, "I think Carlisle is waiting for him to not be able to walk and when that day comes, we'll probably have to have Edward committed." I could hear the resignation in her tone. It was easy to tell that they were at their wits end.

"Esme, I'll do everything I can for Calla. I can try to make a difference for Edward too, but I need your blessing. He's your child, he'll rebel and he'll fight us all as you surely know by now." After a thoughtful pause, I asked, "If I need to do something around the yard, change things around, would that be okay?" There was an idea forming in my head.

She looked at me. "If there is anything you can think that would just...stop him from withering away...that would be more than I could ask for." The last words came out as a sob, a sob of a mother who was hanging on to the last shreds of hope.

"I'll do what I can. There are no guarantees. None. But I promise I will try," I told her and I knew I would do my best, I'd give this job all I had and then I'd be done.

No more whispering. I would go back home when this was done, no matter the result. I would train young horses and that would be it.

I'd been in this situation before; standing before something greater than myself and unsure of what I was capable of. I wanted to do my best back then, too. It had led to lot of things and I learned a great deal; enough to know that this would be the last thing I'd do before retiring at the ripe old age of twenty nine.

"You must be tired from the flight, feel free to join us for dinner around seven. My husband should be home by then as well," Esme said and I smiled a bit.

"Thank you. I'll get some rest and come over for dinner then." I got up and tilted my head as a farewell before heading to the guesthouse.

I took a nap for a couple of hours, it actually cleared my head a bit. When I woke up, I went to take a shower to clean up. While I got dressed, I glanced at the clock on the wall. I still had time, about an hour before I was supposed to be at the house. After I got dressed in a fresh set of jeans and a white button up, I ran my fingers through my curls.

The evening was warmer than the day had been, so I left a few shirt buttons open and rolled up the sleeves. It left some of the tattoos on my forearms uncovered but I didn't care. If I was to work outside with the horse, in the summer heat, I was bound to be shirtless at some point, and they'd see all my tattoos eventually.

While walking out of the house and towards the paddock again I was thinking about the changes in Edward and Calla. Both had been in their prime, admired by everyone and full of joy and life.

I leaned on the fence to observe Calla. She was a shadow, a mist that would slip through your fingers as soon as you got close enough to touch it.

It wasn't until the mare turned her ears towards me that I realized I was humming. Calla looked interested.

"Do you like me humming, girl?" I asked and she tried to look nonchalant again, watching me out of the corner of her eye.

Once I figured out what I was humming, I couldn't help but grin.

"This isn't my normal repertoire but I'll give it a go. Won't sound like him though," I said with a smirk.

"_Wise men say only fools rush in,  
But I cant help falling in love with you.__  
__Shall I stay?  
Would it be a sin,_

_If I cant help falling in love with you..."_

Calla's ears perked up again, and she actually turned her head a bit to see me better.

"I'm late for dinner, but I'll ask if they have a guitar that I can play for you tomorrow." As soon as I spoke, she immediately stopped actively listening. Women...

Walking into the stables, I greeted the horses there. One of them, a massive clydesdale mare, looked like she was going to pop any minute. She was so very pregnant, it looked amusing. She certainly didn't look amused, though.

"I know, girl...I bet you want the thing out of you as much as everyone else wants to see what you got in there." I spoke to her in a soft and soothing tone and she turned to look at me with her lovely blue eyes. "You're a pretty lass, aren't you?"

"She is. Her name is Clara." I heard Emmett's voice from the other end of the stable.

"She's gorgeous, when is she due?" I asked him, as he walked to stand next to me.

"Any day now. As you can see, she's a bit anxious. I swear she keeps muttering at the foal to get the hell out," he chuckled. "She's Esme's horse. This one there is Red, he's Carlisle's." Emmett pointed at a big thoroughbred gelding that seemed to be half asleep.

"Do you have one of your own?" I asked him and he chuckled.

"Yes, come see." He waved his hand towards the direction he had come from.

At the end of the stable, behind the tackroom, there was one more box where a massive horse stood. He was impressive and I could tell Emmett loved hi.

"His name is Storm. He's a shire horse. I've had him since I was sixteen. Some guys get cars, I got a horse," he chuckled and I had to laugh at him.

Storm really was a remarkable horse. Sure, shire horses were the largest breed in the world, but this one made even Emmett look small.

"How old is he?" I asked and went into the box with Emmett. The horse politely sniffed at my hand and then lowered his head so that Emmett could hug him.

"He's nearly twenty. I know you can't tell that just by looking at him; he's in excellent shape. The only problem with him is that he's so massive, so we had to build this box here. This was the space for the old tack room but since we could fit the saddles and stuff in a box, we switched them around, made one box into a small tack room so we could fit Storm here." he said and the whole time he was speaking, the horse had its forehead pressed against Emmett's chest so he could rub it behind its ears.

"He really does love you. Do you use him in anything?" I asked him and Emmett shook his head.

"Not really, I go riding sometimes but I study a bit and work with the horses here so I have very little time. The classes I take are in the city so the drive there and back takes time," he explained. He told me on the drive over that the city was on the other side of the airport.

"Well he is in excellent shape and seems like the perfect example of his breed. I mean massive, strong and kind," I said and Emmett's expression was proud.

"Thanks, man. Means a lot to me," he said with a grin, and then looked at his wristwatch. "Time to go, I need to shower before I get to the dinner table," he said, and we left Storm to eat his hay and we went to the main house.

Esme was in the kitchen and Emmett went upstairs to his room to shower and change.

"Jasper! Please come sit with me," she said with a smile, and I went to sit on one of the stools around the island.

"Smells lovely. What are you cooking and can I help?" I asked, and she flashed me a radiant smile.

There was so much of her in the picture of her son I had that it made my heart ache.

"It's Emmett's favorite pasta. Very simple; tomato and basil and such. Emmett appreciates simple, pure tastes," she said as she ground some pepper into the pot. "And no, you are the guest, so you sit there. Actually, take out three beers from the fridge, would you?" she asked and I got down off the stair stool and went to the large refrigerator.

"Emmett and Carlisle will be here soon; they're both getting dressed for dinner." She smiled and showed me where the bottle opener was. After opening all three beers, I set two on the countertop.

"Does Edward eat dinner with you?" I asked and she frowned, shaking her head.

"Rarely. I usually take him a plate upstairs and he eats some if he feels like it. He tends to eat something in the morning and sometimes I hear him coming downstairs at night. He eats to survive, basically," she said and I nodded.

"Would you mind if I take his plate to him today?" I asked and she looked at me, surprised.

"Not at all, it's nearly ready anyway. Just as soon as the pasta gets done cooking." She smiled and I went back to look in the fridge.

"You know, they're not the best thing, but if you want him to gain weight, you could try buying him regular sodas; not the light-stuff," I said and took out a bottle of Sprite. "This should do." I smiled and Esme looked thoughtful.

"Why didn't I think about that? I mean usually I take him a bottle of water because he prefers that. But that's a good idea."

After grabbing Edward's plate and the bottle of soda, I headed upstairs, passing Emmett on his way down.

"Oh, so it's you today?" he asked and I nodded. He clearly wanted to ask something but seemed to decide against it.

"I'll explain at some point," I told him quietly and he smiled, pointing me in the direction of Edward's room.

I knocked firmly and there was no sound, however, I really didn't expect . Opening the door, I looked in.

He was on his bed wrapped in a blanket and reading. Despite the heat, the boy was cold. I realized that at twenty one-years-old, he was a man, but the weight loss made him look younger, more vulnerable.

"Esme sent these up for you." Without looking at him, I took the food to his desk.

"Hey, you don't happen to have a guitar, do you?" I turned to him and my question probably surprised him since he turned to look at me.

He shook his head but looked thoughtful. Then, in a very strained tone, he said, "Ask Carlisle. Maybe in the garage." Averting his eyes from mine, he turned his attention back to his book.

Walking out, I closed the door behind me. The way the bright emerald pools of his eyes had faded to a dull forest green was shocking. I hoped I could turn things around for him; for good this time.

I certainly didn't want to think about how last time turned out.

After coming back downstairs, I saw Carlisle and Emmett setting the table together and I went to stand in the doorway between kitchen and the dining room.

"When was the last time he spoke?" I asked and they all went silent.

"I think he said, 'thank you' several days ago, why?" Esme said and I looked down.

"He spoke to me, a few words, and he sounded like he hadn't used his voice in a while," I said and they all gawked at me.

"He spoke to you?" Carlisle was the first one to say something. Walking over to me, he shook my hand firmly.

"Mr. Whitlock, I'm already grateful for the fact that you're here. Even if that was the only thing you accomplish, it's more than we've gotten out of him in weeks," he said and his eyes, bright green like his son's were supposed to be, shone with gratitude.

"He said you might have a guitar in the garage," I told him and he looked thoughtful.

"Yes, I think there might be one there. Emmett will help you find it tomorrow, if that's okay?" he asked and I nodded.

"It's perfect. I don't need it right now, anyway," I said as Esme came in carrying the food.

"What do you need a guitar for?" she asked.

"I'm going to play it for Calla." They all looked at me like I had gone nuts.

"Trust me. I hummed when I went to see her and she reacted to it. So, I tried singing to her and she actually seemed interested," I told them and they chuckled.

"That sounds original, but if it will help..." Carlisle said as he sat down and we all took our seats.

"I hope so," I said with a smile.

"What did you sing to her?" Emmett asked as he shoveled a massive amount of pasta onto his plate.

I chuckled a bit. "Some Elvis, 'Can't Help Falling In Love', " I admitted and Emmett burst out in laughter.

"I thought I heard everything..." Esme giggled.

"So did Calla, apparently." I smirked at her and she giggled some more.

The dinner went by with some getting to know each other chatter. It was fine, but since I wanted to get a head start in the morning, I excused myself early, complimenting Esme on her delicious cooking and agreeing to meet Emmett in the morning.

Leaving the house, I walked back to the paddock fence. Turning back to look at the house I thought of something that might help me with my task and decided to let the thought simmer in the back of my mind.

Calla walked swiftly to the other end of the paddock again. Looking at her, I picked a song from my mental jukebox.

In the darkening night I stood there and sang to the horse.

"_I didn't hear you leave  
I wonder how am I still here  
And I don't want to move a thing  
It might change my memory"_

I stopped singing after the first verse and looked at the horse who was listening to me a bit more.

"It's a song by a woman. That's why I can't sing it properly. I'll figure out some stuff for you tomorrow. Good night, Calla," I told her and then I wiped a stray tear from my cheek.

I knew why that song had popped into my head now. Being here with Edward and Calla and the rest of the family...it reminded me of her; of what I had lost.

When I arrived at the guesthouse, I went upstairs and got undressed. I slept restlessly, dreaming of a past that I wanted to forget.

**xxxXXxxx**

**Author's Note: **Thanks to my beta **Beautiful Figment**, this story is readable and most of the mess I make is gone or corrected... So *mwah*, babe.

Also, as I've stated before, this story is my number one priority right now, but there should be a chapter for **Willingly and Joyfully** today or tomorrow as well. Just be patient.

**The Fandom Gives Back auction** is in progress, so please do check it out and my thread can be found here: http://thefandomgivesback(dot)proboards(dot)?board=fic&action=display&thread=44

There's still a chance to bid to get a glimpse of say, Edward's POV of this story? Might not get published otherwise and trust me, it's good and surprising...;) Or maybe you'd like to get a story just with your prompt? Or an outtake of another story of mine? Your choice, just go bid!


	3. Ink and Surprises

**Disclaimer // Author's note: **Nothing Twi belongs to me. This story and what happens in it does.

I'm not a veterinarian, nor a horse whisperer. I'm not a people shrink either. I don't know these things so don't use them as guidelines. Some of this stuff is what I've found working in real life, by trial and error. A lot of these things have happened to me, in one form or another, in real life. This story, I don't just make up completely, like most of my others.

Thanks for the reviews, keep them coming. I'm also going to write an EPOV for this things, at some point after Chapter 5, eventually. I'll require reviews though, to do that, so please do review. This chapter should give you plenty of material to review...

You should also go read the **Brand New Start-blog**, there's a link in my profile.

If you haven't read anything by **OCDJen**, go do so. She's amazing. Also, if you want to read great canon in Scottish setting, go read **On My Own by LittleClareStar,** it rocks.

And like always, this could not have been done without my fuckhot beta **Beautiful Figment**, luff ya, bb.

**xxxXXxxx**

Brand New Start

Chapter 3

In the morning I woke up without an alarm. My internal clock seemed to work flawlessly no matter where I was.

I went to take a shower to properly wake up while my coffee was brewing and when I was fully clothed for a day's work, I saw Emmett's shadow on the porch.

"Come in!" I called to him before he could knock and he kicked his boots off and walked in, grinning ear to ear.

"Coffee?" I asked and he nodded.

"Absolutely. Only had one cup this morning," he said and I poured him a mug of coffee with a drop of milk at his request.

"So, what's on the agenda today?" I asked him.

"You needed to find that guitar, so that first. Then I have to check up on Clara and put her in the other paddock. The boys will go to the pasture, but I don't want her to run," he said and I agreed.

"I'm going to play guitar for Calla and try to remember some more songs," I chuckled and he smirked at me.

"Well luckily I have to head to the city in a couple of hours so I won't be here to listen to you serenade that mare."

I laughed heartily at that and had a feeling we'd be great friends in no time.

"How's the weather looking?" I asked him.

"Oh, seems like it's going to be a warm enough but not hot. Which is good because my car's an inferno when it's really hot," he said and gulped the rest of his coffee while I followed suit.

After pulling on my worn cowboy boots I followed him outside. We went straight to the garage and Emmett opened the door to the side room used for storage.

"Right..." he muttered and looked around, "a guitar...hmm..." and then he pretty much dove in to the storage, looking around and in boxes and I thought it best to roll up the sleeves of my worn flannel shirt and start digging, myself

After a while of very dusty exploring there was a loud satisfied "Ah-ha!" from Emmett and he emerged from a pile of boxes with an old acoustic guitar.

"Excellent, let me see." I grinned and took the guitar from him as we both tried to stumble over the mess to the yard.

I examined the instrument which obviously hadn't been played in years. The strings seemed to be in pretty good condition; all I really needed to do was get it cleaned and tuned .

"This will do," I told Emmett who smacked me in the back with his massive hand and wished me luck with the serenading before he left to let the horses out.

I was going to go sit on the porch of the guest house to work with the guitar, but decided to take the stuff I needed for cleaning it and went to Calla's paddock. She looked at me curiously when I sat next to the paddock fence on a bench and began to work with the guitar.

I purposefully paid no attention to the mare. When I started tuning the guitar, she took a hesitant step in my direction to listen to and look at me more closely. The spark of the horse that she had been was still there.

When Emmett walked out of the stable, the horse became nonchalant again, turning away from us but kept an eye on us, all the same.

"Did she actually just turn away from you?" Emmett asked me, looking truly amazed.

"Yep." I grinned a bit and he rubbed the back of his neck, stunned.

"I think I have an idea," I told him and he walked closer, leaning on the fence.

"Out with it," he said, looking very curious.

"Okay, so do you think Esme would let us use the patch of garden next to Edward's window as another paddock for Calla?" I asked and he looked thoughtful but I knew it was because of my reason for asking, not because he thought she might not allow such a thing.

"Sure, if it helps, she'll do anything and let us do anything. Why?" he asked and glanced at the horse. "It's not like you can move her when she won't let you touch her and it's too difficult to build an alley for her," he said and I liked that he was putting as much thought into this as I was.

"An alley would be my first choice, but since I realized that's not possible here...well, look at her hooves," I said to Emmett, and after looking at the horse properly, he grimaced.

"I know, they're terrible," he said. "I'm curious...why would you want to put the other paddock below Edward's window?" he asked and I raised my brow at him.

After thinking for a few moments, his eyes lit up. "I get it..." he said with a grin.

"Yeah, he has been allowed to avoid Calla. He can't continue that. If she's under his window..." I said and Emmett nodded enthusiastically.

"But that will take time. I need to get a bit closer to her first and have some contact with her before we move her. She's going to need to be able to trust me above everyone else when she's inside the new fence and that will take some work," I said and grabbed the guitar again.

"Yes, that does make sense and I totally see why you'd do that." He smiled and then glanced at his watch. "Gotta run. See you in the afternoon. Oh and play some _Beatles_, will you?"

"Oh I'm more of a _Linkin Park_ kind of guy but I'll give _The Beatles_ a go, too," I said with a smirk.

"Really?" he asked, apparently I didn't look like I fell in to the Linkin Park fan category, and I nodded. "You're even cooler than I thought." He chuckled and waved his hand before walking off towards the house.

I looked at the mare who seemed to be a bit more relaxed. Not much, but enough for me to see that she was relaxing even with me there and maybe even trusting me a little. It would look like a huge step for anyone else but I knew how little it would take to set us back by days. I needed to tread carefully here.

"Okay then, girlie, what shall I sing to you? Let's start with Em's choice, okay?" the horse snorted lightly. "Yeah, that's what I think of _The_ _Beatles_, too but here goes nothing."

I began to strum the guitar while trying to think of a song.

"How about some 'Strawberry Fields'?" I asked and she didn't seem all that interested. "Oh, right; you're a chick. Hmm...how about this?"

I began to play a song I could actually remember.

"_If I fell in love with you,  
Would you promise to be true  
And help me understand?_

_'Cause I've been in love before  
And I found that love was more  
Than just holdin' hands..." _

I looked at Calla who was listening to me intently while trying not to make it obvious. Grinning, I continued with the song.

"_If I give my heart  
To you,  
I must be sure  
From the very start  
That you  
Would love me more than her._

_If I trust in you  
Oh, please,  
Don't run and hide.  
If I love you, too  
Oh, please,  
Don't hurt my pride like her_

_'Cause I couldn't stand the pain  
And I  
Would be sad if our new love  
Was in vain."_

I had no idea how I still remembered the song so clearly. The more I played the guitar, the better I became and the words just kept flowing out of my mouth. The best thing though? Calla was listening.

After that song I thought for a while and then began to play something I really liked. Did some _Linkin Park_, turning my favorite piano versions of "Pushing Me Away" and "My December" to suit my acoustic guitar, and then switched to some more easily played rock.

"What do you think about _Alter Bridge_, Calla?" I asked her and then did a few of my favorite songs by them but avoided the one I didn't want to think about: "In Loving Memory". The mare kept an eye on me. She didn't come any closer but seemed to show a little more interest.

At some point after the first _Alter Bridge_ song she turned her ears towards the main house but quickly returned her attention back to me.

"You liked that, didn't you? What next? Some _Robbie Williams_?" I pulled his name off the hat, so to speak, and began to play "Angels". Calla liked that one, too so I played some more and when my voice began to crack, I decided it was time to stop.

"I haven't done this in a long time, so I think I need to rest my voice. I'll come read here later. Right now, though, I need lunch." I spoke to the horse like I would have spoken to another human. I didn't like baby-talking to animals.

Of course I did speak differently to my own horses sometimes, but they knew, like Calla would know, that I was a trustworthy leader and a friend; not someone who would use force when it was unnecessary, which was about 98% of the time. Calla needed to learn that humans weren't causing her pain and if something scared her, she could come to me to find security.

Horses are gregarious animals, they feel safer when with other horses; but right now Calla didn't trust horses any more than she trusted humans. Without the company of other horses, most of them were a bit lost. If Calla had had other horses to show her that humans were okay, she might have healed faster.

I cooked myself some noodles and ate them on the porch, looking out at the yard from the shade.

Singing had been fun. I hadn't really done it since...well, since I didn't need to sing anymore. For a long time my voice was there for _her_, not for others. When she didn't need my voice, I stopped singing.

**xxxXXxxx**

For the next few days I had a routine of singing to Calla several times a day until my voice broke down. On the third day she began to move around in the paddock, growing more comfortable with my appearance and I kept playing and singing for her. She still stiffened when someone else came close. The family, all save for Edward, came to see her every day as I had requested.

Regardless, the mare seemed to enjoy my efforts. When I switched gears from playing something mellow to something a little more rock and roll, she seemed pleasantly surprised and her whole posture changed. She seemed to be listening more carefully now, paying more attention without noticing she was doing it. The animal never ceased to amaze me. She seemed to have a lot of spirit and I could see glimpses of that spirit under her timid appearance; glimpses of the horse she had once been.

Esme even sang a few songs with me. I was surprised to learn that she liked contemporary music. Never would have thought her to be a rock fan. She actually confided in me, telling me that she listened to some metal in her car on her way to the city more often than not. Then she giggled girlishly and blushed. Adorable, really. I could see where her son had gotten his former happy disposition and why her husband adored her so.

Carlisle talked with me about Edward's current condition one evening while we sat in his study waiting for dinner to be ready.

"His physical therapist told him he should ride again, in fact, everyone everyone tells him he should. He was practically living on horseback before the accident. He was in excellent shape, but now, with the surgeries, malnourishment, lack of exercise...the muscles he had are dying," he explained. "He needs to go on these walks because he gets cramps in his legs if he stays still for too long." Carlisle sighed and I tried to figure out something to say or do with no success.

"I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason," I said and he nodded with a another sigh.

"Hope so..." and then we did what we had done every night since I got here; we went to dinner. I took Edward his plate and a soda again and he never acknowledged my presence. I never pressed him to.

He seemed to be eating though. Every evening, his plate was empty when Esme got it back. She said he might be flushing the food down the toilet for all she knew but we were all hoping he was actually eating it.

Fifth morning on the little farm was a bit different. I took my guitar to the paddock but this time I brought a book with me, too. After playing her a song, I settled down to read next to the fence, sitting with my back leaning against a fencepost and read for maybe an hour.

I heard the mare walking around the paddock, grazing and eating her hay. She snuck closer to me every now and then, and I ignored her in an effort to let her gradually build up her courage.

On the seventh day she was sniffing my hair through the fence and I smiled but didn't do anything else in reponse. The next day I opened the fence gate and entered the paddock, closing the gate behind me. For hours I sat there, reading in the corner. I must have gone through half of the Cullens' library in the first two weeks.

On the tenth day I sat in the middle of the paddock and read there. I played guitar too, sang a bit, and finally she walked over to me and let me touch her head for a fleeting moment before walking away to what she considered to be a safe distance. I didn't know who was more relieved, her or me. The step she had just taken was a huge one, however, it didn't make me any less afraid of possible setbacks.

I decided it was time.

I asked Emmett to call their vet and arrange for a visit within the next few days, then we got to work.

Emmett didn't have any lectures to go to for a few days, which was more than convenient. We carried timber, boards and fence posts to the patch of grass that was situated beneath Edward's window.

The hardest part of the job was getting the posts down. We took turns digging and we sweat like pigs in the sunlight. As I had predicted, it didn't take me long to toss my shirt and just work in my cargo shorts and sandals. Em kept calling them a "safety hazard" and reminded me that if I struck a shovel through my foot, he wouldn't call the ambulance for me just because I was being stupid enough to not wear proper shoes.

Taking a break, we sat in the shade of one of the trees surrounding Calla's new paddock. Esme insisted on us having regular breaks and drinking juice as well as water every now and then. So that was what we were doing; lounging on the grass and re-hydrating ourselves.

During our break, we chatted aimlessly about different topics, including music, movies and eventually, our romantic pasts. Emmett was a good looking guy who could have fooled around if he wanted to but he wanted more; a family, eventually. Not that he hadn't done his share of things when he was younger. Now, however, he had different goals.

Eventually, I brought up the fact that I was bisexual, but surprisingly, Emmett didn't seem to be put off by it, much to my relief. He then explained to me that Edward had "batted for the other team" before he eventually "stopped playing altogether." Differences in sexual preferences weren't really a big deal for him.

"So, have you noticed it too?" Emmett asked me without looking towards the house.

"Yep," I said, automatically knowing what he was referring to, and he smirked.

"Working, eh?"

"Yep." I couldn't help but smile and Emmett chuckled a bit.

We both noticed that Edward had been looking out of his window occasionally, almost as if he wanted to participate in some way, but was torn about doing so.

I stretched my aching back and shoulders and then plopped down on the grass to lay down for a moment.

"You have quite a few tattoos," Emmett commented and I could feel his eyes on said tattoos.

"Yeah," I responded, not caring to explain any of them.

"I only have two," he said and showed me an outline of a crest on the underside of his left bicep and a trotting horse on his calf.

"Those are nice. Simple. Mine are more...I don't know. Messy?" I smiled a bit but tried to steer the conversation away from myself.

"Nah, those are neat. How many do you have?" he asked.

"I have a few on my back as you can see, then these on my forearms. The one over my heart, the shoulders and right side of my chest, the text on my ribs, a few on my legs... I don't know. Ten-ish? Lost count a long time ago." I said.

"What does it say on your ribs?" he asked and then quickly added that I didn't have to tell him if I didn't want to, but that the script was too hard to read without getting closer to me than he wanted to. We both chuckled at that.

"I'd rather not explain them as they're quite personal, but it says 'Blood through my veins for you'," I answered.

"Okay, that sounds familiar somehow..." he muttered after a while but didn't really ask.

I wasn't sure if I was ready to tell him this. We were becoming pretty good friends rather quickly, but still...

"It's from a song," I said and then heard myself adding, "and the phrase was included in my wedding vows."


	4. Against the Current

**Disclaimer // Author's note: **Nothing Twi belongs to me. This story and what happens in it does.

Still not a shrink or a vet. I do own a huge stallion who is a total momma's boy most of the time.

Someone luffly pointed out that it's said that Calla's dad was a gelding. Well he was when the video was shot, but _obviously_ not when he sired Calla, duh. So that will be addressed later on, explained a bit.

Also, if you like to see more of Jasper's tattoos, I shall be linking shiz to the blog and it should explain a bit.

Once again I couldn't have done with without my beta whom I adore.

Oh, and, the reviews keep me writing that EPOV. Just sayin'. ;)

**xxxXXxxx**

Brand New Start

Chapter 4

Emmett's jaw dropped for a moment.

"Oh..." was all he could produce.

"Yes. It's nothing I want to talk about, though," I told him and he nodded in true Emmett-style.

"Is that a Texas star over your heart?" he asked, laying down on the grass a few feet from me.

"Yeah, and it has my mom's initials hidden in the vines around it," I confirmed.

We fell into a more comfortable silence, he didn't ask anything else about my tattoos, and I was glad.

Long ago, I had stopped counting the amount of tattoos I had. I got them as mementos for different occasions that shaped me as a person. There was a tattoo on each of my legs and both of my shoulders with one that dipped down onto my chest. Then there was the text on my ribs and the ambigrams on my forearms.

Those I could show him, at least.

"Have you seen these before? Ambigrams I mean?" I asked him, raising up my forearm and holding it so he could see the tattoo from one way. Then I awkwardly turned my arm to show him that the same text spelled another word when viewed from the opposite angle.

"Oh shit, that's really cool!" he exclaimed.

He mouthed the words as he read them, "Life" and "Death", in the first one.

"Have another one as well." Turning to my side, I showed him the other one.

Reading the second tatto, Emmett mouthed the words, "Strength" and "Struggle".

"Man those are awesome. Really." Emmett's eyes shone with amazement.

"Not all words work though. My wife was of Italian heritage, so she had one that said "Amore" and "Dolore". Or "Love" and "Pain" in English." I smiled at the memory for a brief moment before I realized I had just spoken about her to a stranger.

Getting to my feet, I looked around.

"Hmm... I think I'll build the gate now so that we have it done once the rest of the fence is finished," I muttered and went to the other end of the little field. We had set up some makeshift workbenches near the house so I was pretty much working under Edward's window.

Sighing, I glanced at Emmett who had gone back to work. He wouldn't push; it seemed he knew me well enough by now.

Trying to fend off the thoughts, I settled into building the gate but the images filled my head.

She was a young woman with a small frame and sparkling blue eyes. Her hair was naturally jet black and cropped short so it wouldn't get in the way when she worked around the stables. Everything about her just...popped. She had character, so much character. Who could help falling in love with her?

Sure, she could be annoying at times with her energy spikes, but when you got used to her, they were just fine. The flashes of her smile and her tears invaded my brain. I could almost hear her giggling when she was enthusiastic and cry when she was feeling low.

I could almost smell her hair; feel how her skin had felt against mine when we laid in bed after making love. I could see her at the altar in her wedding dress.

Before I knew it, the gate was finished. I shook my head a bit, feeling sweat trickle down my chest and back.

I turned to look at Emmett and caught a glimpse of movement from the upstairs window. Wondering what Edward was thinking about, I let my eyes wander around our little building site.

"I think we can finish this tomorrow in time for the vet to get here. Did you ask if anyone has some machinery that can handle the task?" I asked him. Since I saw that Edward's window was open, being vague was important here.

"Oh, yes. That's under control," Emmett said, noticing the window as well and then said quietly, "Our neighbor has a loader with a dipper which extends and the whole thing is heavy enough to lift the horse." I smiled in response.

"The vet has the harness or did you ask the fire department?" Keeping my voice low, I began to walk towards the yard.

"Fire department. They said they could come help if needed so I promised to give them a call," Emmett said and we walked to the yard, just in time to Esme pull in with her SUV.

"Hey boys!" she called out, getting out of the car.

She looked...beat, all sweaty and uncomfortable.

"Let me guess, the air conditioning in that piece of crap is busted again?" Emmett asked and she nodded with a huge sigh.

"I was thinking about going swimming. I can see you two could use that as well," Esme said and looked us over. "Nice tattoos, Jasper," she said with a smile.

"Thanks. Swimming sounds good. Where do you usually go?" I was sure Emmett would have told me if there was some body of water nearby.

"There's this river a few miles from here. We go by car usually, or on horseback, depending on who's going. It's a great place and private so that's a plus," Emmett told me as Esme excused herself to get her towel and bathing suit.

We went to get ours and when we were loading in to "spare SUV" as Esme called it, she suddenly let out an annoyed huff.

"I forgot the drinks," she said and began to unbuckle her seatbelt. Emmett had the engine running already.

"I'll go get them." I wasn't in the car yet, just getting into the back seat.

"Would you? Thank you, sweetie." Esme flashed me a smile and I left my towel on the back seat and walked to the main house.

Having already put on some swimming trunks under my shorts, I was good to go. Since the weather was so nice, I decided against wearing a shirt.

When I got to the kitchen, I had an idea. I took the drinks that Esme had left on the countertop in the little cooler and placed it next to the front door, and then I walked up the stairs to Edward's room.

Knocking on the door, I then opened it without waiting for an answer. He was listening to music on his computerwhile sitting on his bed, hunched over the laptop like he so often was.

"Edward," I said and he snapped his eyes up to meet mine, startled. His eyes averted from mine like they always did, but I caught them sweeping across my body before they did.

I gestured for him to take the headphones off. Once he did, I said, "We're going to the river; Emmett, your mom and me. Come with us. You don't have to swim but you could use the exercise and it would be a change of pace from walking in the woods." I shrugged nonchalantly. "We'll wait for five minutes." Making no big deal out of it, I headed out of his room.

After heading downstairs, I picked a few bananas and apples from the bowl on the table and placed them in the cooler. Was I really thinking he'd show? No, not really.

I got in to the car and Emmett began to shift gears.

"No, wait. Just a few minutes," I said and they both turned to look at me. "Just wait." I grinned and they shrugged simultaneously, apparently deciding not to ask.

The numbers on the clock on the dashboard changed. He had two minutes now. Suddenly Emmett gasped and Esme looked at him questioningly before she realized Em was looking at the rear view mirror.

Edward opened the door and got in. He was still wearing his long sleeved t-shirt and his jeans that were barely hanging on him. At least he had decided to come with us.

"Okay, now we can go," I said in a neutral tone and saw Esme take a deep breath. Emmett grinned and drove off the property, and we all headed to the river.

"If you want to go riding here, Jasper, you can take Storm. There's a path from the right side of the stable that goes through those patches of forest and to the river." Emmett spoke as he drove, nodding his head towards the places he spoke of and from the corner of my eye, I could see Edward's body tense slightly.

"Thanks, I might do that one day. If I can get on that monster of a horse, that is." I grinned at Emmett who looked at me through the mirror as I flicked my eyes towards Edward, indicating that I'd like Em to be sensitive about the horse talk.

Luckily, he understood and we drove the rest of the way in silence.

Our destination was gorgeous; a nice little river with crystal clear water and a sandy bed.

"I usually just jump in from that rock over there. It's deep enough. And on the left there, that's where I go in with a horse if I'm on horseback. The bed is solid enough, so it's completely safe," Emmett explained as we stripped next to the car.

Esme walked to the shore in front of us. After leaving her towel on boulder at the river's edge, she entered the water timidly.

"Don't you even think about it, Emmett McCarty!" she growled when Emmett tried to sneak up on her, making a move to toss her in the water.

I was the last one at the car and I heard something resembling a snort from Edward who was leaning against the side of the vehicle, looking at his mom and Emmett.

"I wish you would come swim with us. I know you'd get terribly cold so I get why you won't, but it would be nice though," I said and flashed him a grin before jogging to the boulder on which Emmett was balancing.

"Outta the way Emmett!" I called to him and when he didn't move fast enough, I pushed him off the boulder and into the cold river water.

Esme giggled so much she fell over and into the water. When I looked back at Edward, he was clutching his stomach and laughing, tears streaming down his face. After turning my head before he could see me watching, I dove in the water headfirst.

Emmett had swam upstream and was now floating by us slowly.

"I like it that the current isn't too strong. You know it's a river but that fact makes it hard to tell," I said to Esme as I joined her in her second lap of swimming upstream and then floating back down.

"Yes, it's a great exercise. No struggling, but boy will your muscles know you were swimming against the little current anyway." She grinned and continued swimming.

When she got past the boulder that was upstream, she turned her head to look at me.

"Thank you, Jasper. I hadn't heard him laugh in months."

"I'm just lucky it worked." I smiled and turned on my back to let the stream take me down river again.

While taking in the scenery around me, I noticed that Edward had come closer to the shore, and he was now sitting on the bank in the grass, looking at us occasionally. It seemed almost as though he was keeping an eye on us. When he wasn't looking at us, he sat there like some strange, fully clothed statue. His face was turned up to the sun and it appeared as if the light was trying to give his hair the copper tones it once had. It was sad, seeing his hair as lifeless as his body was now.

"Edward, would you mind getting the drinks from the car?" I called out to him and he appeared startled, but opened his eyes and looked at me.

"S-sure." His tone was slightly hoarse; again, he hadn't spoken more than the occasional, "thank you" in a while.

I watched him get up and go to the car and when I swam back upstream, I saw him sitting in the same spot, eating an apple. I was surprised but pleased that my plan had worked.

When I got out of the water and walked towards him, he was staring at me. When he realized that he was, he blushed deeply, turning his head and trying to appear nonchalant.

I sat on the other side of the cooler and took out a bottle of water. When I handed Edward a soda, he took it without looking at me.

"It's okay. I don't mind," I said to him quietly, realizing I really didn't mind him checking me out.

Edward blushed even more and scrambled to his feet.

"Mom, I'm going for a walk. I'll be right back," he called out to Esme who was getting out of the water. Her smile was worth everything I had done so far.

"Sure honey!" she called back and when she got to me, there were tears streaming down her cheeks but she said nothing.

Handing her a Sprite I could see the words in her eyes. The ''thank you" she wasn't going to say.

Emmett joined us after a few moments. In his straightforward style, he of course opened his mouth with Esme there.

"So not only does he come with us here, he talks to you, laughs, talks to Esme _and_ checks you out?"

Nice one, McCarty...

Esme looked at me and chuckled.

"Don't worry, Jasper. As long as it doesn't make you uncomfortable. I mean I know he prefers men. We are quite open in our house. Or we at least used to be." she said and smiled warmly.

"No...I mean, I don't mind," I said and she got up, patting my shoulder.

"I'll go swim a few more laps," she said, walking to the boulder, climbing onto it and diving into the water smoothly.

"You and your big mouth," I sighed at Emmett.

"Sorry man, I just didn't think there was anything wrong about saying that, and as she said, we're pretty open about things." Emmett tried to look apologetic but didn't quite manage.

"Never mind. At least that's something she wasn't disturbed about."

"I'm glad he's noticing someone again. Maybe that will help him," Emmett muttered as he laid down on the grass to sunbathe.

What could I say to that? As I had stated, I didn't mind Edward checking me out. Whenever I was shirtless, I got looks, just because of the tattoos. I knew I was fit; I had to be because of my profession. It wasn't something I did on purpose, as I didn't work out. I just...worked. Manual labor kept me fit enough to work around young horses.

"Would you go for him?" Emmett asked suddenly, shielding his eyes from the sun.

"Hmm..." was my eloquent answer. I had to think about it.

"He used to be a pretty good looking guy. I know it doesn't seem like that now, but at one point, he could have had anyone he wanted, really. Just...if you do like him, at any point...tread carefully, will you?" he asked and I nodded.

Was I attracted to Edward? Could I be? The thought made my heart beat a bit faster but it wasn't because I was getting excited about the idea. It was fear.

Fear of it happening again.

When Edward was relaxed for a second here and there, I could see glimpses of the young man he had been. The man from that photo which was now on my nightstand in the guesthouse. Had I been telling myself that I kept it there to look at it every night before falling asleep just to see where I was trying to get at with Calla? That the mare in the picture was the reason, a reminder for me to keep working through the setbacks we would eventually have?

Or was I looking at the picture to see Edward as he had been?

I turned my arms as if I was stretching, but I was looking at the tattoos instead.

Strength and Struggle. Love and Death.


	5. The Flashlight

**Disclaimer // Author's note: **Nothing Twi belongs to me. This story and what happens in it does.

Okay, once again t_his is a work of fiction_. Nothing in this story is real though some of these things have happened to me or someone close to me in real life. It is based on snippets of true stories. However, nothing in it is supposed to be taken as an advice or encouragement to do something that would normally be reserved for trained professionals.

I want to thank my beta who still rocks my socks and swears she'll spank me if I won't learn to write 'into' correctly. Hey, this time I only messed up three times with that word... ;)

Check the additional A/N after the chapter. It has some important stuff you don't want to miss in it. :)

**xxxXXxxx**

Brand New Start

Chapter 5

I sat in the kitchen of the guesthouse. It was too early, but I had a mug of coffee in my hands. Waking up from a nightmare was something I was used to, but it never got any easier when the dreams were always the same. Shivering, I gulped down the rest of my coffee and left the house; I needed fresh air.

Deciding to go for a stroll, I walked along the driveway and headed down the little dirt road that crossed some fields where there were a few old barns scattered around used for housing farm equipment.

The darkness was fading slowly but steadily; I could see the sand of the road clearly enough not to stumble into a ditch, which was good. I did have my cell with me, but having to call from the middle of a field for someone to come and collect me because I had twisted an ankle or something...very embarrassing.

I wasn't that far from the farm when I was passing one of the barns. Suddenly, I was certain I had just heard something. Stopping, I listened for the sound again.

My face broke into a smile; I'd know that sound anywhere. Then my face fell; what were they doing all the way out here? In the middle of the fields with no other farms within a several miles' radius?

Using my cellphone as a flashlight I made my way in to the barn, cursing when I realized that my keychain with the tiny Maglite attached to it was on the kitchen counter in the guesthouse.

Every now and then there was a tiny noise, a little yap. After taking a few more steps, I found them under the stairs that lead to the loft.

There were four puppies and a mom that looked very poorly.

Oh shit.

Glancing at the phone in my hand, I tried to think about who I should call. The only one who would be awake would be Edward, since he hardly slept.

Well...here goes nothing.

When I first arrived, Esme had given me a list of all the important numbers I might need, including the vet and the entire family. She had given me Edward's number too, just in case, but I hadn't thought I'd need it with the way he was. For once I was glad to be wrong.

The ringing seemed to go on forever. Finally, he answered.

"Yes?" his voice asked, rough and surprised.

"Edward, it's Jasper. Just listen, okay?" I spoke fast, not giving him time to answer.

"I went for a walk along the road across the fields when I hear some noises coming from the first small barn on the left. Could you take a car and get here as fast as you can? And try to be as quiet as possible. Please?" I asked.

"But...wha..?" he tried to ask.

"Just come. Trust me on this," I said and disconnected the call to take a better look at the dogs.

It made no sense; the mom didn't seem shy. She licked my hand and tried to wag her tail as I rubbed her behind the ears. If she wasn't shy, why the hell didn't she come to the farm for help? She was skin and bone and the puppies were skinny but had the tell-tale pot bellies of puppies that had worms. I wondered if any of them could be saved.

The puppies were getting to the active age. They tried to crawl away from the mom and I knew she couldn't have handled them much longer. It wasn't long before I heard the car on the road, and the mom heard it, too. She looked terrified.

So she was afraid of cars? That would explain a lot, then. There were always cars coming and going around the farm.

"It's okay, girl; we're going to help you. Just stay there; I'll go show Edward where we are. He won't hurt you," I said to the dog as the car stopped outside the barn.

Getting to my feet, I walked towards the doors in the little bit of light that now came through the windows.

"Jasper?" Edward's tone was hesitant.

"In here. Take a flashlight if you have one," I said, keeping my voice low. I heard him rifling through the glove box, presumably looking for a flashlight.

When I emerged from the barn he looked at me hesitantly.

"Was anyone else awake at the house?" I asked and he shook his head. "Okay, thought so. That's why I called you." I said and he smiled a little.

"What did you find?" he asked then, his voice raspy, but curious.

"Come see for yourself." I smiled and turned back to walk inside.

Walking slowly and carefully, I made as little noise as possible, and Edward caught on to my intentions mimicking my movements. When we got to the stairs, I heard him gasp.

"Dogs..." he whispered.

"Yes, she's hanging on by a thread. I'm not sure any of them will make it, but we need to try," I said and I went into rancher mode.

"As far as I can see, there are four puppies. The mom seemed terrified of the sound of the car engine. I think she's too weak to resist, though. If she tries to, I'll just carry her to the farm," I said and Edward nodded, leaning towards the mom to let her sniff his hand before he scratched her behind the ears.

"She has lovely eyes. She's trying to trust us, but she's scared," he whispered.

Now, who does that sound like?

"Could you get the puppies first?" I asked him and he nodded.

"I'll help you, just get to your feet and I'll hand them over. They're not walking properly yet, but they can still be a handful." I began to load the puppies in his arms and the mom whined in response.

"It's okay, he'll just take them to the car," I said to the mom. She looked from the puppies, to Edward and then to me, and she was slipping into panic-mode.

I snaked my arms around her body; she was the size of a German Shepherd, but weighed next to nothing. She whimpered as I lifted her and her back leg was limp.

"Oh shit... I think she's injured...maybe hit by a car," I told Edward who looked over his shoulder, trying to keep the puppies balanced in his arms.

There was more light coming through the windows now, so he had stuck the flashlight to the back of his jeans, kinda like you see people carrying guns in movies. It looked funny, given that he was so skinny.

"You know carrying that flashlight like that would look a lot better if you actually had some ass," I said and he stumbled a little at my comment.

I silently cursed myself. So I was making comments about his appearance, how skinny he was, now? Fucking idiot...

"Didn't mean it like that..." I muttered over the dog who desperately tried to see her kids.

"It's okay," he mumbled and then turned his head to grin at me. "You look better shirtless and dripping wet," he said nonchalantly, making my jaw drop.

The rest of the way was a bit more tricky as there were tools on the floor and we were walking with our arms full. I don't know how Edward handled it, walking with his limp and four puppies trying to slowly but surely escape from his arms.

When the mom saw the car, she froze in my arms and whimpered again.

"It's okay, girl. I'll hold you and nothing bad is going to happen to you, I promise." Speaking calmly to her, I walked to the side of the car where Edward was juggling the puppies while opening the door for me and the mom.

When I settled the mom into the back seat, she looked at me in a panic again.

"I'm here, I'll sit next to you and Edward is giving the puppies to me. Nothing's going to happen to you..." I kept speaking while doing as I said, and Edward gave me the puppies before climbing into the driver's seat.

"Drive really slow and...wel,l you know. Sorry," I said when he shot me a dirty look.

"At least we don't have to call the vet. Isn't he coming today, anyway?" He asked suddenly.

"Yeah, to see Calla. He needs to take a look at the dogs and I might need you to take care of them while I work with the horse." I spoke in the same calm tone just so the mom could hear my tone, but I still saw him flinch at the horse's name.

"Hey, why don't you have any dogs?" I asked, realizing I had seen a few cats sneaking around the stables but no dogs anywhere.

"Dad's allergic. We can't have any in the house and he says that dogs belong in a house instead of the stables." Edward spoke in a raspy tone that made the mom listen cautiously.

"She's not sure about your voice; you should speak more often," I said in an amused tone and saw the corner of his mouth turn up for a moment.

"Take us to the guesthouse. We'll call your mom or Em from there. We need help with bathing the puppies and sorting her out before the vet comes over. We only have two hours," I said and Edward nodded.

When the car stopped, the mom got anxious again. I spoke to her while Edward rounded the car and went to open the door to the guesthouse. He spent a while inside the house before he came back and collected the puppies from me.

In silence, apart from me muttering to the mom to keep her calm while we moved, we got the dogs inside and Edward showed me the corner in the kitchen he had put some spare blankets in.

"I thought she'd want to see the door," he explained.

"You're probably right. Good thinking," I said and he smiled as he waited for me to put the mom down on the blankets. He then placed the puppies next to her and the relief on her face was so visible it made my heart tighten a bit.

When I tried to move, the mom shot a look at me.

"You're not going anywhere," Edward chuckled and I sighed, sitting on the floor next to the dogs, leaning my back against the wall.

"Then you get to make me coffee. Slave." I stuck my tongue out at him and at first his jaw dropped but then he laughed out loud.

Taking my cell out of my pocket, I called Esme's number.

"Jasper, what is it?" she answered, obviously startled to get a call at this hour.

"Everything is just fine. I hope I didn't wake you?"

"No, I just got up," She said and I could hear the smile in her tone.

"I went for a walk a while ago and found a dog and some puppies in one of the old barns. Now I have Edward here to help me," I smirked at her gasp over the phone and I could actually see Edward rolling his eyes while he made the coffee a few feet away. "I need some things, though and the mother won't let me move, and I might need Edward here."

"Sure, just tell me what you need and I'll bring it over." She switched over to mom-mode and I grinned before giving her the instructions.

While we waited for Esme to arrive, Edward sat on the other side of the dogs. Since, they were in the corner, our feet were touching.

One by one, he took the puppies and examined them; his long fingers moving on their fur and checking their ears and paws.

"Two girls and two boys." He smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. I was pleasantly surprised to see a hint of the old Edward.

The mother appeared to have passed out from exhaustion. Poor thing.

"We need to bathe the puppies and then we'll see what the vet says about the mother. I hope she'll be okay but the leg looks really bad." I sighed a bit and Edward looked very determined suddenly, but said nothing.

Esme didn't knock; instead, she just came in silently, causing the momma-dog to wake up and look around in panic.

"Shh...it's okay girl...it's okay...Esme's not going to hurt you..." I said to the dog and she glanced to me then Esme before relaxing again.

"She looks so drained..." Esme said in a sad tone and put the things she was carrying on the nearby dinette table.

"She has a name; her name is Bella," Edward said in a tone that pretty much told both myself and Esme that this was something he was already passionate about.

"Okay...well, the vet called and he will be here in half an hour. I'll get him to come see these five first." Esme smiled and pulled out a basket from the large wash basin she had brought.

"I brought you some sandwiches and the rest of yesterday's salad. You need to eat, Jasper. It's going to be a long day for you," she said, paying no attention to Edward.

Taking the plate of pasta salad and two sandwhiches Esme offered me, I grinned.

"This should keep me going..." I shook my head a bit at the amount of food on the plate and took the mug of coffee she was offering me as well.

"Edward, you want anything?" she asked her son and Edward sighed. Behind his back Esme tensed and I could see the forlorn expression on her face.

"Sure, I'll take some coffee and a sandwich, please. Maybe a bit of the salad if there's some left. Looks like I'm stuck here for now," he said and Esme blinked before actually getting her feet to go and give the food and coffee to Edward.

"Okay, I'm going to go check on Clara and wait for the vet so he knows to come here first," she said and smiled, excusing herself.

We sat and ate in silence, the puppies making little noises and Bella sleeping peacefully now that she felt safe.

"How is Clara?" Edward asked casually.

"Oh, she should have popped already and she's pissed off about it. Very cranky. But I suppose that's a pregnant woman for you..." I chuckled a bit and averted my eyes from Edward's, he didn't need to see my sorrow when some well-hidden memories rushed to the surface in my mind.

I seemed to be lowering my guard when I was around Edward. He was getting to me and it allowed the memories to just pop up without warning and I hated it.

"I hope they get a colt. Would be interesting," Edward said and then it hit him, what he had just said, and he looked at me with wide eyes.

"I won't push you. Ever. I'm promising that now, Edward," I told him and I saw the panic in his eyes so I grabbed the bony wrist closest to me.

He had just placed his mug on the floor on his other side and I was glad. The coffee would have been all over the place now.

His eyes darted everywhere but to me.

"Edward, breathe..." I said in a calming tone, the same I used with horses that were like this; ready to bolt away from me.

Taking a deep, trembling breath he closed his eyes and it was then that I realized the feeling of his skin against my fingers. It was so familiar...so good.

That's when the panic hit me and I suddenly let go of his wrist.

"Sorry...shouldn't have..." I mumbled and concentrated on the food.

Edward calmed down and didn't move, just finished his breakfast and got up to get some water to wash the puppies.

After a while, I could hear cursing coming from the bathroom.

"Jasper..." I could hear him call to me in a defeated tone. I got up, giving Bella the remnants of my second sandwich and went to see what was wrong.

Edward looked majorly pissed off.

"Could you bring the basin to the kitchen? I can't lift it," he said between gritted teeth and I could understand his frustration.

Once, not long ago, he had been strong, fit and perfect. I understood how he saw himself now and it broke my heart.

"Edward..." I breathed and he looked at me, his eyes full of contempt.

"Fuck off, Jasper; I don't need your pity!" he growled at me and almost shook with anger.

"I wasn't..." I tried, but the look he gave me cut my words short and I just picked up the basin and took it to kitchen.

"I'll have Emmett drive into town to get some quality food for Bella," I said and Edward nodded tightly, having gathered some towels from the bathroom cabinet.

At that moment, the vet arrived and the situation relaxed a little, though Edward refrained from looking at me. The vet seemed to know his situation and didn't pay any attention to how Edward looked now. Instead, he examined the puppies while Edward held them in his lap, then afterwards, I helped the vet lift Bella to examine her leg.

The vet, Dr. Adams, tried the mobility of the leg while Bella stood in place with my support, looking very tired and resigned.

"Nothing seems to be broken. The muscles are still okay, too. I think she needs help, though. In an ideal situation someone should do a bit of physical therapy with her." He showed us several exercises, holding the injured foot and moving it in certain ways. "Exercise is what she needs, but until she can put a bit of weight on it, walks are out of question. She's too weak for that," he said and frowned.

"The puppies are in good shape, though. I'll prescribe some meds for them and the mother for the possible parasites. They need to be washed with some proper shampoo and de-wormed and all that stuff," he mumbled as he was writing the prescriptions.

"Yeah I know what to do, I have dogs at home," I told him and he nodded approvingly.

"Give her some good food and start her off slow. She won't be able to take as much as she would want to eat right now, so feed her small portions, but often. Washing the puppies right now is a good idea, but remember to wash the mom, too when you get the flea-shampoo and such," Dr. Adams said and I nodded.

"I'm leaving the dogs as Edward's responsibility; I have my hands full as it is," I said and felt Edward's eyes snap to my face. No, I didn't react to the look.

"Alright, here's my card, Edward. I know you haven't had any dogs so just ask Mr. Whitlock here or call me if something comes up. Use your intuition; that's my best advice," he said and smiled at Edward, who smiled back weakly and took the card.

That's when we all heard running footsteps from the yard coming up the steps to the porch. At the last minute, Esme remembered the dogs and slowed down.

"Clara...in labor..." she breathed and the vet smiled at her.

"About time...eh... I'll be right there," he said and Esme shot me an apologetic look for scaring Bella.

"She's okay. Just go, I'll be right with you." Smiling at her, I waved my hand and she left with the vet.

"I'll have to go. Just leave the basin when you're done and I'll move it when I come back," I said, seeing the edge return to Edward's eyes. "And stop being so fucking childish, it's not always about you," I snapped at him and he looked at me with wide eyes. It was then that I realized that probably none of the people in his family had said something like this that to him.

Edward was smart and probably felt guilty about causing worry for his family, but I knew that Esme, Carlisle and even Emmett were people who just wouldn't snap at him like I just did.

With those words I left the house to go see a new life being born at the stables.

**xxxXXxxx**

**A/N2: Willingly and Joyfully** is getting there still. Not quitting on it. My auction story, t**he JPOV for Law and Lapdances **has a deadline now, so it should be done by Christmas.

You should check out my contribution to the Slash Backslash contest (called** Longing for Thunder**) and the story MsKathy bought in the auction (called **Your Arms Feel Like Home**).

Also, **if you enjoy this story, please put me on author alert**. Why? Because _there will be a separate fic for the other POVs I'm going to write for this story._ The first EPOV should be done soon...maybe some more of Jasper's past as well...

Chapter 6 of this story will take a while to write as it will probably be the longest yet. So while you wait, check out my other stuff and do check out** Project Seduce Mr Whitlock by rmhale** and of course my beta **Beautiful Figment**'s stuff, especially **What I Failed To Realize**, which is awesomeness.

Okay, epic A/N2 is done. Sorry about that... ;)


	6. Complications

**Disclaimer / Author's Note: **Nothing Twi belongs to me, they are the property of S. Meyer. All the song lyrics quoted in this chapter or any other chapter of this story are the property of their respective owners.

I'm also not a vet nor a shrink of any kind. Some of this stuff might be slightly off but hey, it's fiction.

One thing I know for certain is, that horses like Calla which have heavy draft horse in them to balance the lighter, usually thoroughbred side, are quite often used in eventing. Just that this is now clear to anyone who might read my reviews. ;) You can find that information online very easily if you're looking.

So, darlin's... It seems like I'm back. I have myself a new beta (or two, one for this story and one for other stuff) and the ball is rolling again. Yay for me!

Additional A/N in the bottom of the page.

**xxxXXxxx**

Brand New Start

Chapter 6

I walked to the stable just in time to see Emmett walking out of the main house.

"Morning," I called to him and he grinned enthusiastically.

"Morning Jasper; lots of new family members today," he chuckled and I nodded.

"Oh hey did you need me to go to town or something?" he asked as we reached the stable doors together.

"Yeah we need the dogs' meds and food and all that. I would go myself or ask Esme to go but..." I didn't really need to finish the sentence.

"I'll check up on the situation with Clara. If I'm not needed I'll go right away and be back in time for when we move Calla, " he waved his hand in a gesture that told me he wanted to do it and no further discussion was needed.

"Excellent," I grinned and we walked to Clara's box.

Esme was pacing in front of the open door and I could hear Dr. Adams inside, talking to the horse calmly.

"Esme, you're going to make Clara nervous. Why don't you come outside with me for a moment?" Emmett asked and then practically dragged Esme out to calm down.

Dr. Adams chuckled at them and I could see little hooves peeking from under the massive mare's tail.

"Going okay?" I asked and he nodded to me.

"She should be settling down soon. I think she was standing up because Esme is so worried, " he frowned a bit.

"I once caught a foal with my arms back home when the mare absolutely refused to lay down," I chuckled and Dr. Adams shook his head.

"That can happen, with a mare this high it's a risk though, so I hope she settles," he said and got out of the box to stand next to me in the doorway.

We watched as Clara's massive belly went through another contraction. The mare let out a deep sigh and then walked stiffly around the box once before laying down.

"And now we just wait," I said and the Doc nodded.

We went outside and told Esme to go keep an eye on the mare since it was her horse. Having our work cut out for us we needed to get started with Calla.

"Just come tell us if something seems to be wrong and don't upset her, she'll know what to do," the Doc told Esme and we went outside.

"So, did you call the farrier?" Dr. Adams asked me as we got to his car.

"No, I've been shoeing my own horses since I was thirteen," I grinned "thought I could do it myself. One less person whose scent she has to be afraid of when she wakes up, " I said and the Doc nodded approvingly.

"Hey guys? I'm off to get the stuff for the dogs, anything else you need from the city?" Emmett hollered from near the guesthouse, having gone in to get the prescriptions from Edward.

"Not that I know, we'll call you if we come up with something more." I waved my hand at him and then he was off.

"Okay, so, you had a plan?" Dr Adams asked me as he prepared his equipment.

"Yeah, you shoot her with the dart to get the stuff in to her and then we wait until she drops and get the harness on her for the lifting. Then we just lift her into the new paddock and close the gate and wait." I said like it would be just that easy. Nothing ever was and we both knew it.

"Sounds simple enough." The Doc chuckled as he measured the amount of the tranquilizer he'd need for this.

My cell rang and I picked it from my pocket. It was the neighbor who had agreed to help us and told me that some firemen from the station were going to come hang out just in case something went wrong as it usually did. After all, the fire brigade had the best slings for lifting animals this size so I wasn't opposed to it in any way.

Half an hour later we had checked that the neighbor with his dipper was just a few minutes away before the Doc, his rifle, and I went to the paddock where Calla looked at him suspiciously. I was relieved to see she didn't look at me like that anymore, or today. Tomorrow...time would tell.

While I was casually chatting with the Doc, he aimed at the mare and shot the tranquilizer dart to the mare's shoulder. A few minutes later I picked up the phone and gave the neighbor a go ahead before going back to check on Esme and Clara.

It looked like the labor would take a while still, so when the help arrived, I took the firemen and the neighbor to the now completely out of it Calla's paddock and we manhandled the large animal in to the were three of them so there would be as few unfamiliar scents as possible for her to freak out about, and they did exactly what I asked of them, which I appreciated.

When the mare was in the harness, I took my tools and worked on her hooves as much as I could in the limited time we had before she had to be moved. Luckily I was pretty efficient, even though her hooves were in quite the state. Gradually we managed to get her there, inching the mare who was hanging from the sling with her hooves maybe two feet off the ground, out of her old paddock and in to the new.

When we got her there, I realized I was sweating in the sun; it had taken us about an hour even though it felt longer, and I knew we were running out of time. As quickly as possible we got the mare safely on the ground and out of the sling before she began to wake up.

The exact moment I pushed the gate closed behind us, the mare in the middle of the paddock began to stir.

"Everyone out of her sight. Thanks, you'll be invited to Esme's barbeque-party later in the summer," I told the firemen and the neighbor as they got to their vehicles and left with chuckles and wishes of good luck.

That was when I realized that Doc had been at the stables an awfully long time. I ran there to check on them quickly so I could get back to Calla's side.

"Jasper!" Esme sighed at me and I knew something was wrong with the delivery.

Instinctively I did what I would have done to my own mother in this situation; I wrapped my arms around her small form and she hugged me back as her whole body shook with anxiety. I peeked in to the box where the Doc was listening to Clara's heart and lungs while the mare was pushing and beginning to look exhausted.

"What's up?" I asked him in hushed tones and he turned to look at me.

Now, being around horses all my life and having met dozens of vets I knew something was wrong from the look in his eyes. However, it wasn't all lost yet, I could tell that as well.

"Esme, why don't you go see how Calla is doing, I'll be right there. If Em comes back, tell him to get here as soon as he gets the dogs their food and meds, okay?" Talking to the woman like she was in just as delicate a state as her horse was right now, I got through to her and she took in a breath and went outside.

"It's twins. I don't know how we missed this. They're all tangled up in each other and I'm trying to figure out which would be the easiest way to get them out but we're running out of time. She's exhausted as it is."

I flinched a bit, I had seen this before. It didn't always end up nicely, sometimes all three were lost to complications.

"Fucking hell...we need extra hands and we don't have any." I cursed and then heard the car in the yard and Esme talking to someone who seemed to be Emmett.

Both the Doc and I sighed deeply and grinned a bit at each other.

After just few minutes Emmett walked to the stable and I turned to smile at him when I noticed he had someone with him. A guy, maybe 6'3" with amazing muscles. He had to work out in addition to doing some really heavy labor for living. There was a huge smile on the blonde's face and he rubbed his hands together enthusiastically.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked when he looked at me and peeked into the box. I filled him in before looking at his friend inquisitively.

"Oh, sorry man, this is Riley. He's an old friend of the family who happened to be in town and called me just as I was leaving the city. Really lucky that he's visiting his relatives here right now. Thought we'd need the extra pair of hands," Emmett said. Then added to the blonde, "This is Jasper Whitlock," and I immediately knew he had spoken about me on the way.

Riley's handshake was firm and his smile was friendly enough, but his eyes betrayed some emotion I couldn't quite place yet. Emmett looked at me and I could tell he wanted to tell me something, but couldn't in this situation.

"Hey Jasper. I work with horses as well so I know my way around them to a point. I'm here to help," he just said and I nodded.

"Okay, well you two can help the Doc, I'll keep Esme away for the gruesome part; I assume you need to turn the foals inside her?" I asked the Doc who was now leaning on the door and probably trying to figure out a best way to handle it.

"Yeah, that's the only option unless I want to operate and I really don't want to because she's massive." He grinned.

"Okay, come call for me if you need me. Em preferably so Calla won't freak out," I said before waving my hand at them and walking out to see my real client.

I saw Esme leaning to the gate with nervousness clearly written over her delicate features.

"How is she doing?" I asked in hushed tones and Esme turned to look at me with tears in her eyes.

"She's getting up, falling down, panicking. I brought your guitar from the porch," she pointed down at her feet and I smiled at her, hugging her briefly.

"Thanks, Esme. I thought about that earlier but really didn't have time to do anything about it." I sighed and she looked at me like she wanted to ask about what was going on with Clara, but didn't have the guts to do so as she was so scared over what was happening.

"Esme, it's twins," I said and she clamped her hand over her mouth with shock in her eyes. "Now it's tricky as you know. They're trying to save them all but nothing is simple in these situations. The Doc wasn't prepared, you didn't know. They're doing all they can," I told her and she just leaned to the fence, clearly more than a little shaken.

"Tell me about Riley?" I told her to get her mind off things for even just a moment. "He seemed like a nice lad," I added and she nodded a bit.

"He lives on the West coast, his relatives live just few miles from us and he usually visits every summer," Esme said and I prompted her to talk more and she smiled, knowing what I was doing.

"Last summer he wasn't here and we weren't sure if he'd come over because he's sort of part of Edward's former life. He traveled with us when Edward was competing, as Calla's groom. He's really good with horses and Edward likes him a lot. Or liked...who knows how it is now." She looked sad for a moment and then smiled a bit. "I can't wait to see Edward's expression though, I hope it will be okay. He's progressed so much and they were such great friends once," she said and that's when Calla caught my eye, finally being fully up on her shaky legs.

I grabbed the guitar and walked on the outside of the fence towards her, forgetting all about Esme while talking to the mare.

"It's okay, Calla. You'll be better off here. What would you like to hear?" I spoke and spoke and told her what had happened to her and what this all meant, just to keep speaking.

"How about this?" I asked her and sat in to the grass outside the paddock and began to strum the guitar. Somehow Calla relaxed just a tiny bit, the sound of the guitar being her only familiar thing in this new place.

"_Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And would I have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life"_

To my surprise I heard Esme sing along with the chorus. My eyes snapped to her and she just smirked and mouthed "Grey's Anatomy" at me, making me chuckle a bit in the middle of the song.

I moved on to other songs, if Esme knew them she sang along, walking slowly towards me, and finally ending up next to me though she stayed standing and leaned on the wall.

In between songs I looked at Esme.

"More Grey's Anatomy-music?" I asked and she giggled girlishly.

"Sure and how do you know that show anyway?" she asked and I had to grin.

"My sister is a fan."

I began to play again, it was one of my favorite songs anyways so why not, eh?

"_We'll do it all  
Everything  
On our own_

_We don't need  
Anything  
Or anyone_

_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"_

Esme smiled at me and sang along again, we managed to make it sound quite nice and Calla was still calm which was just perfect.

Things were going too well. There was a nagging feeling something would go wrong before the end of the day. I was right but I was also wrong.

After maybe forty-five minutes Emmett walked to the gate of the paddock and Calla lifted her head suspiciously but only wobbled to the other side of the paddock, as far from him as she could get, instead of going ballistic which I would have understood perfectly.

"They're all okay for now. The weaker twin needs to be fed from a bottle to make sure he gets all nutrition he needs. He's too small to reach properly." Emmett spoke in an even tone and not too loudly, of which I was glad. "Your turn to go grab a bite, I set up lunch in the guesthouse because Edward can't really move," he said and then walked to where I sat with Esme.

"You two, go. I'll keep an eye and call your cell if something happens," he said and grabbed the guitar, shooing us to go eat.

When we got to the yard, I saw Riley walking out from the stable, wiping his brow with his tshirt which he had taken off. He was just as sculpted as I had thought he would be and I couldn't help but stare a bit. I mean...I wasn't interested in him, but it was the kind of fascination you have when you see something absolutely perfect.

Suddenly there was a sound from the guesthouse. A shocked looking Edward was standing in the doorway and stared at Riley.

Esme at my side stopped on her tracks, her hand lifted to the air as if she was reaching to her son.

My eyes went from Edward to Riley who was looking at him and then a grin spread to Riley's face. There was no shock about how different Edward looked, just the pure joy of seeing him again and instantly I knew he was in love with Edward.

I couldn't help but stand there and watch him take a few steps towards the guesthouse. When I finally managed to look at Edward, I was shocked. He was practically running towards Riley and jumped up to him, wrapping his boney limbs around Riley's shoulders and waist.

No, this wasn't the same young man who I had seen be so timid and shy for the time I was here. The glimpses of what I'd thought was the "old Edward" weren't there anymore. Why? Because all I could see right now _was_ the "old Edward" and it was Riley who brought him out.

Esme grasped my hand and I pulled mine away before walking to the guesthouse. Bella was wagging her tail at me and I saw all the dogs' new things on the table nearby.

I wished I could breathe but it felt like someone was suddenly squeezing my chest and I leaned to the counter for support.

Suddenly I knew this was what I had been dreading all day.

The horses would be fine. The dogs would be fine too. My heart? Not so much.

**xxxXXxxx**

**A/N: **I've updated the BNS-blog, there's a link on my profile. I'm working on a few new things and recently finished the sequel to Find You Worthy, which is called Willingly and Joyfully.

There will be other stories to come and I shall be working on BNS and the other old stuff too. ;)

Oh and you might want to follow me on Twitter too, that info is on the profile page as well. The profile page is where I update my progress every now and then so if there haven't been updates in a while for some reason, check the profile.

Thanks for my beta. *hugs tightly* You do rock for helping me out. :)

That's all, I hope you like this chapter and **REVIEW** it!! :) _(If you can't review, it's because you commented on the note I had here before, don't worry. If you have something to say, please feel free to PM me instead. ;))_


	7. The EPOV Of Things So Far

**Disclaimer: **Everything Twi belongs to . I'm not her, and I wouldn't want to be.

There's a mild lemon in this chapter, so you've been warned. Also, if you are reading this and are underaged, well you clearly can't read as this story is still rated M for more future lemons. So bugger off. ;)

**A/N: **We'll see you for that at the bottom. ;)

-xxXxx-

Brand New Start

Chapter 7

In Edward's Point of View

Remember the pit of tar I told you about?

It wasn't until recently that I realized it wasn't just me in it. Sure, it was me in the middle of it, up to my neck in the tar, but there were others too.

When I looked around, towards the edges of the pit there was my family, each and every member of my family. Mom, Dad and Emmett. They were all in the pit with me, not by choice, but because they all had tried to pull me out.

Instead of letting them help, instead of pushing against the tar and towards the helping hands, I had pulled them in. I had pulled each of them in and now they were there with me. They were all there, up to their waists and looking at me sadly.

The worst thing was that none of them blamed me for ending up in there.

And then Jasper came along.

After some time, the morning we found the puppies and he snapped at me, I looked around in my pit of tar and realized we were still in it. Me and my family. But they were only knee deep now, looking at me like they needed my permission, my help to get out. They needed me to go with them.

I looked down at myself and gasped. The tar reached me to my chest, but my hands were free now. Now, if I chose to, I could reach out and let them help me. I could pull against the tar and towards the shore.

There was only one person to thank for it.

Jasper.

-xxXxx-

For days I listened to him. I had my window cracked open and I listened to him play guitar and sing. To Calla.

From what I knew, he wasn't being paid anything yet, he'd ask for payment when he'd gotten the job done. If he could get the job done. Emmett told me all of this, as he was the one who kept me informed of things around the house whether I wanted to know or not.

He filled me in with details of Jasper, who he was and what he had said about Calla. How my parents liked him and how he was funny and smart and "would know his way around horses blindfolded."

I sat on my bed, Emmett sitting in the armchair in the corner, and stared at the screen of my laptop while Emmett spoke. Before Jasper I didn't pay attention, now I could feel myself being drawn to the little bits of information.

Somehow I knew he wasn't telling me everything, some bits he left out on purpose. Probably to make me curious. What Emmett didn't know was that I already was curious about the Texan cowboy horse whisperer.

From the first time he came up to my room, I was intrigued. Something about him was so familiar and instinctively I knew he'd never pity me. The sorrow in him was something I could see, probably better than anyone else in the family.

The songs he picked to play were interesting too. Some I didn't know, so I spent my days in front of the slightly open window, listening and catching pieces of lyrics I didn't know and working with Google to find the songs online.

I liked his voice. It soothed me and from what Emmett told me, it had the same effect on Calla.

Calla... Before Jasper arrived it was easy to ignore her. The family didn't talk to me about her after I shut them off in the very beginning. I loved that horse, but she had become something I couldn't handle right now. I knew she was broken and I knew I'd be terrified and she'd know it and think I had betrayed her...or worse, that she had betrayed me.

When Jasper made me think about things, it was clear that I hadn't done proper thinking in a while. My thoughts were jumbled, a mess that seemed to make my brain all confused, my thoughts jumping from one thing to another so easily I got tired more often.

For days I listened to him sing and then one morning when I woke up after sleeping on and off all through the night, I heard something outside my window. I got up, used the bathroom, got myself some coffee and grabbed a sandwich and a banana before retreating back to my room. So apparently I was eating now too, eh?

When I looked out of my window, trying to stay out of the line of their sight, I realized Emmett and Jasper were building something. A fence? They got it done quite quickly. It was nice to look at them work together so seamlessly. They were having fun. I couldn't help but smile at that, Emmett needed fun in his life, he was always so worried about me and my parents. We were his family, after all.

It wasn't until a bit later when I glanced out of the window again and saw that Jasper had taken his shirt off that I gasped. Of course I had noticed the tattoos on his forearms when he brought me the food the first night, but I would have never guessed...

He lay in the grass, next to Emmett. They were having a conversation and then Jasper got up and seemed to be showing the tattoos to Emmett. I stared. I swallowed hard, my mouth was watering at the sight of him. All lean muscles in his tall frame. I had never seen anything as beautiful as Jasper with his tattoos. I cursed mentally because they were so far away, I couldn't quite tell what the tattoos were about.

When he suddenly got up and walked towards the workbench near the house, I could see the tattoos on his back better. There was some sort of a Celtic knot, maybe a heart shape, in the middle of his back. When he leaned to measure something, the messy golden curls fell away from his back and I could see a dark tattoo on his neck, partially under his hair. I wondered what it was. I wanted to touch it.

Feeling quite shocked I backed away from the window and sat on my bed, quite stunned.

I wanted him.

The emotion had been there the first day, but not like this. I could feel my body responding to the thought of him, touching him even if was just his arm I would get to touch.

Something about this man was so mesmerizing that it woke up someone like me. I couldn't quite believe it.

Sitting there on my bed I grabbed my laptop and put my headphones on. Somehow I ended up listening to my Jasper-playlist--the songs he had been playing for Calla in the last few days. It was a long list and I was surprised to realize I liked every song on it.

I lost track of time, trying to relax, and then suddenly my door opened. There he was. Without a shirt on. Sweet Jesus.

He said something and gestured at me to take the headphones off so I did. I wanted to stare at the lovely black and red tattoo on his chest but I couldn't. I listened to him telling me what their plan was, swimming in the river, then he was suddenly gone.

Five minutes. That's what he said.

Five minutes to decide and to will away my erection. Hell if the guy had some tricks I didn't know of...it was my first since the accident.

Three and a half minutes later I was outside, getting into the car and trying to ignore the people in it. The boner wanted back when my body realized I was so close to the shirtless God next to me. The talking of horses...it got to me, but from the corner of my eye I saw Jasper look at Em through the mirror. He was protecting me??

Not knowing how to feel about it, I decided to let it slide for now.

When we got to the river I got out of the car and leaned on the side of it. Mom and Emmett were already in the water and Em was considering splashing Mom, who was being all girly and wonderful. I snorted at their antics.

"I wish you would come swim with us. I know you'd get terribly cold so I get why you won't, but it would be nice though," I heard Jasper say. When I turned my head to look at him, he grinned at me widely before jogging towards the river, leaving me there with my racing heartbeat and blushing cheeks.

Standing there, watching them goof around as Jasper pushed Emmett over and Mom getting hysterical and falling over into the water... I couldn't remember when I had laughed that much. Tears were streaming down my face and I felt pure joy over watching them. I had forgotten what it felt like. Joy.

When I calmed down, I walked closer to the water on a nice grassy spot and sat there. For the sake of being outside in the sun I actually decided to get some sunlight on my face. It felt nice, the slight breeze and the sun...like someone caressing my face with their fingers. I must have smiled a bit, at least I felt like smiling. That was new too...or not new, just forgotten.

Every now and then I looked at the others, swimming and exercising; I knew my Mom came here often in the summertime to swim against the current. Emmett was getting lazy, Jasper swam with Mom and then floated downstream. I closed my eyes again.

His voice startled me a bit, I wasn't used to them calling for me because they knew I would rarely respond. It took me a second or two to get an answer from my mouth and it sounded so wrong. I didn't want my voice to sound like that when I spoke to him.

I got up and went to get the cooler from the car. Sitting back on my spot I looked in to the cooler. I suppose I could eat an apple while waiting. It would be good for me. Mom would be happy. Hell...everyone would be.

What the fuck had I done to this family?

The strange walls I had built around myself and my sorrow... And sorrow for what? Ending up a cripple? Ending up scared of the world, my horse, everyone who came close to me? Scared of _what_??

Then it hit me.

I was scared to death of pain.

Any kind of pain, physical, emotional. I feared it so much it was easier to close myself up into my room instead of living. Had it worked? Yes and no. Yes, because I didn't feel a thing. No, because the only ones in pain now were the people I loved the most.

God I was a sad fucker.

My morbid thoughts were once again disturbed by Jasper. My eyes fixed on his form, rising from the water like some modern day god with his tattoos. I couldn't take my eyes off him.

There was something, maybe a star, over his heart, the other side of his chest and shoulder were covered with that black and red tattoo I wanted to examine more closely but knew I never could.

My eyes swept his form, from his blonde curls and tanned skin on his chest to his muscular arms and the faint lines of his abs. Hell, even when I was fit I didn't look that good...the muscles of his legs clenching as he walked up the bank... I wanted to taste his skin.

And then I realized he was watching me, watching him. I blushed more deeply than I ever had.

He plopped down to the other side of the cooler and got himself a drink. I glanced at him and gulped. The ink on his chest..a dragon and a koi-fish. And cherry blossoms. Of which one was situated perfectly around his nipple.

Oh dear God...

When he handed me the soda I didn't look at him.

"It's okay. I don't mind," he said suddenly and I knew he meant me staring at him like a teenager who got his hands on dad's Playboys.

Blushing some more, I panicked.

"Mom, I'm going for a walk. I'll be right back," I called out to my Mom and got to my feet, practically dashing to the woods.

It wasn't until I reached the little patch of forest did I realize how hard I was. Fuck.

Instantly I knew I couldn't go back. I would be hard as soon as I laid my eyes on Jasper again. Fucking hell! Stopping at the nearest large tree I leaned on it and tried to catch my breath.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!!

Almost resigned, somehow I looked at my hands, clenching into fists, and willed them to relax. I needed to take care of this now.

Hesitantly I reached my hand down in to my jeans. I didn't know how I felt about this. I hadn't...not in months. Not since the accident when I realized how disgusting I was. The worse I became physically, the less I wanted to touch myself in any way. Let alone like this.

It was almost funny. Once upon a time I had actually liked my cock. It was perfect for my proportions, not too big or small in any way. Just...perfect. And I sure knew how to use it. Ever since my first time, I had known who I was and what I wanted and I wasn't ashamed of it.

Right now though...leaning my back to the tree with my feet spread apart a bit, I conjured the image of Jasper from just moments ago and projected him on the back of my eyelids. I needed him for this, as dirty as it felt, like I needed him to forget what I was doing to myself.

I didn't really think about what I was doing physically as the mental images took over. It had been coded in to my system though, how to handle my cock to get to the result I wanted. Wrapping my fingers around my erection I looked at Jasper's body, standing in front of me in my imagination.

_He was dripping wet, having gotten out of the water moments ago. The water was glistening in the sun, more was dripping to his chest from his wet blonde curls. The droplets of water ran down his body and I stared at them, fixated on their paths. _

My hand moved down, up, down again, pumping my cock slowly while my other hand reached down to massage my balls.

_I reached my hand forward and he stepped closer. I couldn't look at his face, I didn't want to see how he looked at me in case it wasn't in any way I'd like him to look at me. Instead I leaned up to run my nose along the line of his neck. My hands went to his chest, right one to his left side, against the star on his chest.  
_  
My fingers rolled my sack and my other hand was spreading the pre-cum that seemed to be streaming from my cock by now. Jesus, how long had it been??

_I kissed my way down a bit, nipping on the skin on his chest, my left hand resting on the ink on his __arm. The closer I got to his nipple, the more ragged his breathing got. My right hand slid down and to his back, pulling his body closer to mine.  
_  
Up, down, up, down, faster... I began to change the pressure, tighter at the base, less on the head while I rolled my thumb over the the slit and bit my lip from moaning out loud.

_My hand roamed to squeeze his ass and he hissed at me. I chuckled, raising my head a bit to glance up at him but the sun was shining in my eyes and I couldn't see his face. So I concentrated on the matter at hand and pressed my lips on his chest, around his nipple. Jasper gasped in anticipation, but I kept my mouth still for a moment until I heard him whimper.  
_  
The pace of my hand was getting frantic, more irregular and I had to pull my other hand away to hold on to the tree behind my back. My knees were shaking already.

"_Edward...please..." he gasped and I licked his nipple once, making his whole body shiver. Grinning inwardly I suddenly clamped my teeth down to his nipple, making him moan and his hips jerked forward, pressing against mine and I could feel his erection. He wanted me as much as I wanted him!_

And suddenly I was coming, all over my hand and stomach. The waves that hit me seemed to last forever and I could barely stand when the spasms shook my body. Biting my lip so as to not scream out loud, I realized I tasted blood from where I had bitten through...

-xxXxx-

That night, after the whole episode at the river, I was lying on my bed, listening to music with my headphones on and trying not to think about Jasper.

I had gotten some sleep during the evening, actually more than usual. Must have had something to do with my wank in the woods. I snorted at the thought.

My dreams had been different too. Not nightmares but...something else. I couldn't remember them that well. I just remembered the emotion rushing through me in the dream. Someone was with me and I was accepted as I was. I was loved and wanted just like I was now and I woke up with tears streaming on to my pillow.

Fuck... This was the last thing I needed. There was no way Jasper wanted me and falling for him wasn't in anyone's best interest. I knew I could avoid him like I had so far, well so far before the river.

_Yeah, and look at what happened there..._

I cursed out loud and turned my head. It was then that I saw a light in the darkness of my room and realized it was my cell on the desk. Nobody ever called or texted me, except for my family and Riley every few months. I knew it wasn't my family because they were all asleep.

Scrambling to my feet I went to get the phone and looked at the number I didn't recognize. I answered, reflexively more than actually thinking about it.

"Edward, it's Jasper. Just listen, okay?"

I couldn't be more shocked, I almost dropped the phone but then had to concentrate on what he was saying.

"I went for a walk along the road across the fields when I heard some noises coming from the first small barn on the left. Could you take a car and get here as fast as you can? And try to be as quiet as possible. Please?" His tone was slightly pleading, not that it needed to be, I would have done anything he asked, really.

But still...

I tried to ask him more but he cut me short, "Just come. Trust me on this."

I wanted to say "I'd trust you with my life." but instead I listened to the click when he disconnected the call.

Before I knew it I was sneaking out the front door, taking Mom's keys from the hook next to the front door. I pulled my sneakers on when I got to the porch and drove to where Jasper had said he was as carefully and quietly as possible.

I wondered what this was about. What it could be... There was absolutely nothing in those barns, except for tools. Our closest neighbor was miles away.

I steered the car in front of the right barn and cut the engine.

Jasper was nowhere to be seen so I stepped out of the car and called out for him. His voice was low and soothing, the way he spoke to Calla, and the wind brought his words to me through the open window. He told me to grab a flashlight so I checked the car for one and then Jasper emerged from the barn.

He asked me if anyone had been awake at the house and I just shook my head, not quite sure my voice would work around him. Then I couldn't keep the question in anymore and asked what he had found, my tone annoyingly raspy and strange to my own ears.

"Come see for yourself." His smile was cute and lovely... I would have followed him anywhere.

Taking note of how he was acting, I mimicked him, whatever it was in the barn he wanted to keep calm, I couldn't scare it either.

I was blown away when he showed me the dogs. Poor things... The mom had the loveliest, most trusting eyes and she was begging us to help her and her puppies.

Jasper spoke in a low tone, telling me his observations so far. Four puppies, the mom was sick. It made my heart ache a bit.

When I reached my hand, the mom decided she could trust me.

"She has lovely eyes. She's trying to trust us, but she's scared," I heard myself whisper.

Then Jasper began to plan how we'd get the dogs out and I pretty much did what he said. He loaded the puppies into my arms; the little things were trying to wiggle their way out of my arms and made me smile.

When Jasper picked the mom up he noticed she had an injury and I frowned. I hoped she'd be okay, the puppies would need her. Hell, who knew how bad shape the puppies were in; we wouldn't know until they were checked by the vet.

I put the flashlight in the first possibly place it wouldn't be in my way while carrying the puppies, inside the waistband of my jeans in my back, and suddenly Jasper made a comment about my ass.

What. The. Fuck?

I recovered when he was apologizing to me, probably thinking he had crossed some line. I was just...happy. So darn happy... It seemed impossible that he'd...look at me like that. Even if it was just because of something mundane like a well-placed flashlight.

"It's okay," I said quietly before I turned my head to look at him over my shoulder. "You look better shirtless and dripping wet," I said quite honestly and I swear his mouth hung open for a moment.

One point for the cripple...

We maneuvered the dogs into the car and Jasper sat with them, talking in a soothing tone to the mom and I was so happy to just drive carefully and listen to him. I loved his voice. It made my heart flutter somehow and I knew I was so screwed.

"At least we don't have to call the vet. Isn't he coming today, anyway?" I asked to take my mind off Jasper.

Never changing his tone he replied, "Yeah, to see Calla. He needs to take a look at the dogs, and I might need you to take care of them while I work with the horse."

I know I flinched. I couldn't help it. I was getting to grips with what I needed to do but I wasn't there yet and the thought patterns I had taught myself over the months I had spent in my room were hard to shake.

"Hey, why don't you have any dogs?" Jasper asked after a small moment of silence.

"Dad's allergic. We can't have any in the house and he says that dogs belong in a house instead of the stables." I fucking _hated_ how my voice sounded! So damn raspy and...._wrong._

"She's not sure about your voice; you should speak more often," he replied to me and his tone was amused, but not in a bad way.

I felt myself smile just a bit.

Jasper told me to drive to the guesthouse and when I got there I went inside to rummage through the place, finding blankets and stuff to make the dogs a bed.

I tried everything to ignore the scent that I knew hadn't been in the guesthouse before. It was Jasper, there was something lovely about the scent. It was masculine and had the scents of leather and horses and woods... Shaking my head to clear it, I got back to the car and helped Jasper get the dogs inside.

Jasper set the mom down on the makeshift doggie bed I had made and she looked worried until the puppies were crawling next to her. When Jasper tried to leave she looked at him with such expression I knew she needed him just as much as I did.

"You're not going anywhere," I chuckled to hide my fucking messed up emotions and he sighed before giving up and sitting down next to the dogs.

"Then you get to make me coffee. Slave." he said, sticking out his tongue and I couldn't help but laugh at him.

Fucking adorable...

While I made the coffee, Jasper called my Mom and explained the situation to her.

I got back and began to look at each puppy in turn, checking them out in the better light. The mom was so tired she pretty much struggled to stay awake.

When I was done checking the puppies, the mom had given up and passed out. Jasper told me that we should bathe the puppies and spoke of the mom's leg. The fuck if I'd give up on the dog. She was so pretty. I wondered what else besides German Shepherd there was in her. Husky maybe? She was lovely and... Suddenly a name popped in to my head. Bella. That was her name.

When my Mom came in the dog panicked but calmed down when Jasper spoke to her and I petted her side. She was so thin she made me look healthy.

They spoke about the dog and I snapped, telling them she had a name and it seemed to shut them up about how poorly she was and just wait for the vet to get there.

I knew what the vet was there for, Calla. I supposed they were going to tranquilize her and move her, it wasn't nuclear physics, really. I was glad about that, about Jasper figuring things out and trying to make a difference for real. How it would relate to me, having the mare below my window...I wasn't sure yet.

Mom began to do her mom-thing, feeding people. She gave some to Jasper and asked if I wanted any. Out of habit I acted like a brat and then figured that in the spirit of this day, I'd try.

I wanted to curl up and hide when I realized how they now reacted to the fact that I was actually going to eat. I hated myself, I really did.

Taking the food and digging in, I heard my Mom saying something about her horse, Clara. Yeah, Emmett had raved about Clara's foaling, whenever that would be. I hadn't counted but the way Em had been talking about her lately I knew it was time.

In the same spirit I asked Jasper about the mare, after my Mom had left and he told me that the foal was overdue by now. That did suck. I hoped they'd be okay, for Mom's sake. She didn't really need anything else to worry about.

"I hope they get a colt. Would be interesting," I said and suddenly the emotions rushed over me. The fear and everything I had kept bottled up about the horses.

"I won't push you. Ever. I'm promising that now, Edward," Jasper said, and he must have seen my expression because he suddenly grabbed my wrist and held on.

Unable to look at him I tried to force the panic back but I was losing it, the skin contact with Jasper just made things worse in a way. Until he spoke.

"Edward, breathe..."

I took in a deep breath, closed my eyes and tried to relax myself. The feeling of his fingers around my wrist was suddenly soothing instead of terrifying and as soon as I relaxed he suddenly let go.

When I opened my eyes he looked...scared? What the hell did he have to be scared of? Me? What had I done?

It wasn't the doubt that was the worst, the worst thing was the emptiness I felt when the contact wasn't there anymore.

"Sorry...shouldn't have..." he mumbled and began to eat again.

I couldn't take it, the feeling of rejection, so I took my dishes to the sink and went to the bathroom to fill the basin with some water. I checked the temperature and tried to lift the basin but couldn't.

Confused, I tried again and it felt like my arms and my back weren't doing anything. What the hell?

And then it hit me. I had done this to myself. This was me now. The old me had been a fit guy, able to do hard work around the stables and lift things and... Look at me now. I had done this to myself.

I was so fucking frustrated and angry at myself but I needed to get the basin to the kitchen so I called Jasper who came in and I explained the situation to him.

"Edward..." his voice was barely a whisper and I fucking hated it.

"Fuck off, Jasper; I don't need your pity!" I growled and I could feel my body react to his pity and my anger and frustration.

"I wasn't..." he tried to say something but the look on my face made him stop and just carry the basin for me.

_Fuck!! _

The Doc arrived soon after that and spared us from a staring match. He examined the dogs and told us what needed to be done to save Bella. The puppies were in better shape and I made mental notes about everything he said, everything would be needed later.

He wrote prescriptions for some heavier stuff to get them cleaned inside and out.

"I'm leaving the dogs as Edward's responsibility; I have my hands full as it is," Jasper said suddenly and my eyes shot to his face. He didn't look back at me and it felt like a slap.

"Alright, here's my card, Edward. I know you haven't had any dogs so just ask Mr. Whitlock here or call me if something comes up. Use your intuition; that's my best advice," the Doc said and gave me a card I pocketed and smiled back at him a bit meekly.

I'd be on doggie-duty then.

All of a sudden there were running steps and my Mom tried to slow down coming in. She panted that Clara was in labor and the Doc left with her. Jasper said he'd be right there with them

"I'll have to go. Just leave the basin when you're done and I'll move it when I come back," he said and I couldn't help but let the words hit me and it showed. "And stop being so fucking childish, it's not always about you," Jasper snapped at me and I looked at him, probably looking very surprised because he just left without another word.

I knew it. It wasn't rocket science. I had done this to myself and to my family and I fucking knew it wasn't just about me. It had taken me a while but I knew it now.

The next hours rolled by. I made myself as comfortable as I could after washing the puppies and drying them with a towel. Bella was out like a light again and let me do what I wished with the puppies.

They were tired too so after they were a bit more clean I went to grab a pillow from the couch and laid down next to them on the floor. I had a blanket under me but the hard floor still felt really uncomfortable because of my lack of body fat. Everything seemed to remind me of what a failure I had become.

Before the accident I had been anything but a failure. I had worked hard to get what I wanted and gotten most of it. I had been liked, good looking, gorgeous even. Now I was this shadow of my old self...

With that thought I must have fallen asleep because the next time I woke up there was a whimper from Bella and I heard the sound of some heavy machine outside. It made her nervous so I talked her through it and she calmed down fast enough.

When I looked around I realized Emmett had come by, there was food for the dogs and the meds on the table and I began to take care of them like my new duty was.

Time went by pretty fast and Emmett came to tell me I was supposed to get to my feet and take a break because I needed one, apparently. He said he'd send someone to look after the dogs.

Someone? What the fuck? It wasn't like I was going to leave them now! I sat there for a while, annoyed at Emmett and his antics. I decided to go stand on the porch for fresh air and call it a break so I could tell him I had taken one. It was probably my Mom or Jasper who had told him to make me take one. Well guess again, people.

I opened the door and stepped outside. Looking towards the stable for the first time in ages I suddenly spotted someone.

What the hell?? When did _he_ get here?

A rush of joy washed over me and I pretty much ran and threw myself at Riley.

"Hey Eddie." he murmured to my ear, his arms going around me and he held me up while I clung to him, smiling like a madman.

"What the fuck Riley??" I managed and pulled my face from his neck to look at him.

"Sorry, I had no time to call because I got here so suddenly. I called Em from the city and he picked me up while he was getting the food and meds for the dogs I hear you found," he said and smiled radiantly.

I loved Riley's smile. It was just so warm and sort of goofy.

"No, Jasper found them and called me and..._oh fuck_..." I said and looked at Riley in horror.

All of it flashed through my mind. Me running out and Jasper and Mom standing there. Jasper saw me throw myself at Riley. My oldest friend who had been in love with me forever even if he knew I'd never feel like that about him. Sure we had fooled around when we were younger, but there was nothing between us now.

I knew he had seen the way Riley looked at me. I knew he had and he had bolted in to the guesthouse. When I disentangled myself from Riley I saw my Mom looking at me. She looked...disappointed? Any other day it would have been okay. I was used to it. Besides she hid it well when it came to how I was now.

But this... This she wasn't trying to hide. She wanted me to be a man about this. My Mom wanted me together with Jasper and I could tell. And I had blown it, hadn't I?

"I'll...explain to you later, R. I need to..." I gestured towards the house and Riley nodded, smiling at me a bit sadly.

"If he likes you and you like him...you know what I always say, right Eddie?" he asked me and leaned to kiss my cheek.

Smiling a bit weakly I nodded, "If you find it, you can only blame yourself for letting it go." I quoted him and he nodded at me.

I squeezed his fingers and walked towards the guesthouse, knowing I had some explaining to do. It seemed strange...I knew I had to explain this to Jasper even if there had been nothing but a tiny bit of flirting. Even if I hadn't known until this morning that he...looked at me like that.

Oh fuck I couldn't blow this now.

I heard Mom and Riley shuffling towards the house somewhere behind me. Taking in a deep breath I limped to the guesthouse porch. Hell, I ran to Riley? That was new...

When I got to the door I pressed my forehead against it and knocked on the glass.

"Jasper..." I said, my tone was still off but getting better every time I talked it seemed.

I could hear him move but he didn't say anything.

"Can I come in?" I asked next, and when he didn't answer, I opened the door.

Bella wagged her tail at me as a greeting and I flashed her a smile. I could see the dog was worried about Jasper and me.

"It's okay, girl. It's going to be okay, just wait here." Whispering to her I walked up the stairs. Jasper had gone to the bedroom to hide from me.

I leaned on the doorframe, watching him sit on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"What..." he said and it came out as a muffled sob before he swallowed. "What do you want, Edward?"

"Jasper...please...I need to explain..." I wouldn't dare to move closer to him, afraid of the broken tone of his words that cut me somehow.

How did he have such a hold of me already? Was I in pain because I had hurt him without knowing it?

I slid down to the floor, my back against the frame and I looked at my hands.

"What is there to explain?" Jasper asked and I tried to think how to say what I needed to say.

"I know what you saw. Yes, he's been in love with me since we were young but I've never loved him like that. I ran to him because I haven't seen him since...since the accident. I missed him because he's my oldest friend," I said and heard Jasper turn to look at me.

"Were you... Did you ever..." he sighed frustratedly and I nodded slowly.

"Yeah, we fooled around a few years ago but that's it. Kids experimenting with someone they know and trust. Nothing else." I said and Jasper huffed.

"Maybe not to you," he said and I flinched.

"So it was more to him but that's between Riley and me and we've solved it long time ago. We're just friends now and he's accepted it. Why can't you?" I asked Jasper who looked at me, his blue eyes so full of different emotions I couldn't stand it.

"Because..." he started and blinked and I saw tears running down his face.

I was unable to help myself, I got to my feet and went to him, kneeling before him on the floor and looked up at him.

"Because I'm afraid... I don't want..." he breathed and closed his eyes.

My fingers clenched into fists, I tried to not touch him, not to cross any boundaries. Not now.

"What, Jasper? Talk to me, please. We can work around this," I pleaded with him and he inhaled shakily.

"I'm afraid that if I get attached to you, I'll be hurt more than I've ever been... If the thought of losing you now hurts like this, how much will it hurt if..." he frowned, his eyes still closed and I hated myself even more.

"Jasper...there's no rush. I...I like you more than I should but...there's time and we don't have to..." I tried to explain but I couldn't find the words.

Instead I watched as my hand raised like it had a will of its own and my fingertips suddenly touched Jasper's cheek.

He gasped and opened his eyes. I could see the battle in them. I could see how much he wanted this and it made my heart beat faster and my stomach fill with butterflies, yet I couldn't smile because I saw the fear that was there too.

"I...I lost..." he began and his gaze dropped for a few seconds before he looked back to me again, "I lost the love of my life, I was married. She...died and...it's been a few years but..." the sorrow flashing in his eyes made my heart break.

I had never before felt anything so powerful as the need to make Jasper happy again.

"You won't lose me. If you trust me and want me, I'll wait for you and...I'm not...ready either. You know that. But we can't just... You feel it too, I can tell. This isn't just some...physical attraction thing..." I waved my other hand frustratedly, "I mean look at me." I frowned.

Suddenly Jasper's expression was different.

"Don't you ever put yourself down like that. So you don't look like you used to, but you're still in there, inside. You can be what ever you want to if you let yourself have that chance. For you, nothing is lost yet," he said with such conviction that I realized he was comparing me to his wife.

What on earth had happened to her?

"But you're right, Edward. It's not a physical attraction thing. That's what's freaking me out," he agreed then and sighed, dropping his gaze from mine.

My fingers moved from his cheek where they had stayed the whole time like it was the most natural thing and I took his hand in to mine.

"Jasper?" I asked in a whisper and waited for him to look at me again. "Will you give this a chance? Please? For both of our sakes? I'll promise I'll try to...get better. You'll work with...Calla," I had hard time saying the name out loud, "and I'll work with myself and...we'll see?"

He smiled at me weakly and looked into my eyes for the longest time.

Then he lifted his hand to cup my cheek gently.

"Okay. No pressure, no promises. Just...no blocking this either?" he asked and I nodded a bit, leaning in to his hand and my eyes fluttered closed to the warmth and the feeling that buzzed through me.

"Agreed," I whispered and opened my eyes to see him smile at me.

"It's a deal then."

I wanted to kiss him so badly but I knew I shouldn't. After a while of staring at each other he pulled his hand away and sighed.

"I think we need to give Bella a bath. And the puppies too, with the medical shampoo. But first we need to eat something," he said and I managed not to react in any way to the word.

He grinned at me and waited for me to get up before walking after me down the stairs where Bella was wagging her tail again, looking much more happy suddenly.

I couldn't help but to smile.

-xxXxx-

**A/N:** I hope you liked it. I know some of you thought something major was going to happen between E&J in this chapter, but no, not even a first kiss. We're not there yet, are we?

I want to thank my hardworking beta **mycrookedsmile** for going through this long chapter so fast.

Also, thanks for my porn bunnies for keeping me occupied and entertained, you two know who you are.

Last but not least, thanks for **OnTheTurningAway**, for making **Brand New Start a thread on Twilighted.**

The link is in my profile, go check for teasers, additional stuffs and speculation with other readers. I posted a picture of Riley there and also if you've read the outtake, there's a picture of someone else important to Edward's past there as well. ;)

I'm still taking suggestions for the next outtake, so keep them coming.


	8. Small Steps and Huge Leaps Riley's POV

**Disclaimer and A/N: **Nothing Twi belongs to me, but this story does.

I'm not a psychologist, vet nor am I a horse whisperer. I don't know these things, but a lot of this story revolves around things that I have either first or second hand experience of. I'm not pulling all of this out of thin air.

That said, please do look at my profile, there's a link to this story's Twilighted-thread. Also, if you want me to write another outtake of something in particular, please tell me, I'm taking suggestions.

I want to mention how proud I am of all of us and what we've done for Haiti. I'm also sending out **lots of love to MsKathy** for coming up with this idea, it rocks. **The TwiFans for Haiti**-compilation is going to be out soon. Now I know a lot of people wrote outtakes of their stories, I however, took another route and wrote a little fic about Queer as Folk which is probably one of the best TV-shows ever.

And last but not least, thanks **mycrookedsmile**, my beta. You rock.

**xxxXXxxx**

Brand New Start

Chapter 8

Riley's POV

I had been in love with Edward since he was fifteen. I'm a couple of years older than him and had known I was gay for maybe three years by that time. It wasn't simple, being gay in a small town like Forks where I am from.

It wasn't any easier in the places where I worked later on, cattle farms or stables; there aren't too many gay cowboys around. Somehow I managed though. Very quickly I learned that staying in a good physical shape guaranteed three things. First, nobody wanted to fuck me up or insult me because they knew I could take on anyone. Secondly, I could work like hell and I had the fitness to do the most challenging tasks. I got the jobs I wanted, my reputation traveled before me, and I got hired despite being 'queer'. Thirdly...I got laid. A lot.

I met Emmett when I was in Kentucky one summer, at my relatives' little farm, helping out because my auntie had broken her arm and they needed some help with their horses. I ended up meeting all of Em's family and I instantly fell for Edward, his gorgeous cousin/brother.

The family liked me as much as I liked them. Since Edward was riding and competing, it soon became a summer thing for me, traveling with them as the groom for Calla, Edward's mare. I was paid a bit, offered accommodation, food and I got to ride their horses when I wanted to. Most of all, I got to hang out with the family which was pretty much better than what I had home.

I have a sister, Rosalie, who is a year older than me and she has never been into horses or farms or anything like that. She's in to beauty and cars, the faster the better. Go figure. She's nice but she drives me nuts sometimes. Sometimes I wondered if she'd like Emmett and vice versa, but somehow I never got to introduce them to each other, mainly because they were on opposite sides of the country.

When Edward was eighteen he lost his virginity to a guy I knew too, Tomas. It's not that Tomas wasn't nice. In fact I knew he was awesome, even if I hadn't had him myself, but I had somehow always thought it would be me who got to be Edward's first.

I was disappointed. I sulked. I was acting like a child.

So I had known for a while that Edward was bisexual and hoped and prayed he'd want me in return. While I waited for him, I fucked around but never got attached to anyone. I could have had a few more meaningful relationships with guys I met, but none of them were him. None come even close to my Edward.

Some weeks after Tomas, Edward came to me. He asked me if I was in love with him. What do you say to that? Lie to your best friend? Or tell the sad truth? I chose the latter option.

He sighed. I remember that. He sat on a bale of hay behind the stable and looked up at me.

"I don't love you, Riley," he said quietly and I could hear my heart breaking.

I had known that would be the most likely outcome of this conversation, whenever we'd have it. It still hurt.

"But...and I know this is a horrible thing to say after what I just told you," he begun and his eyes averted my face, "I want you."

I must have gawked at him, because after a while he smiled a bit shyly and blushed. My Edward never blushed. It was cute.

"Okay..." I said and then thought for a while in silence before making a decision.

We made a deal. I'd handle my emotions, but we would hook up, experiment, that's what Edward called it. I was so in love I martyred myself, sacrificing my love for him for a few stolen moments when we were alone.

For that and the next summer we hooked up regularly. It was fun, satisfying, and terribly painful emotionally. It never affected our friendship though. I never let it, and neither did Edward.

I was too much of a realist to be too broken up about it when I saw him with someone else or when he finally told me we should stop and just be friends. Frankly, at that point, I was relieved. Being too hooked to him had led me to being unable to say no to him. I would have never been able to make the decision, so I was glad he did.

Seamlessly we went back to being friends and I muffled my feelings, tossed a heavy blanket over them and let them suffocate slowly. I began to date a bit, and slowly I got over the loss of him. The love stayed, of course, but it wasn't the burning kind that caused you pain, but more of that bittersweet kind that made you smile sadly and move on.

Anyway, I spent my summers with them for five years I think. The last summer...the accident happened. Everything changed.

I went to their home, helped out until there was nothing left to do. Edward was in the hospital, and didn't react to anyone even when he woke up from the coma. Everyone tried, myself included. Nothing.

When it was clear Calla was beyond any help and that the family was okay, I left Kentucky and went home.

I kept in touch with Emmett and Esme through all the months Calla and Edward tried to recover. I knew their situations, and I hated the helplessness we all constantly felt.

This summer, when I got back to Kentucky, I had been there for a few days before I gathered my courage and called Emmett. Luckily he was in the city; soon he was picking me up and everything fell back into place. I hadn't called him or Esme in a month or so, so the things he told me on the way to their farm made me ecstatic.

He told me about Jasper Whitlock, who had a reputation in his field, being there to help Calla. The man had made actual process, and Emmett seemed to like him a lot. I was glad. But what shocked me the most was the fact that Edward was finally coming out of his shell.

"Jasper is exactly the kind of person Edward needs in his life. We all tiptoe around him. Jasper tells things like they are and he's pretty sneaky in his ways of helping Edward without Eddie realizing it," Emmett chuckled.

"He sounds like a cool guy," I said and I knew there was a little edge to my tone.

"Riley...I haven't heard Edward speak more than a dozen times after the accident. Voluntarily...maybe twice. And he speaks to Jasper. He even laughed the other day, genuinely laughed!" Em was all smiles.

It was nice to see him like that. Edward's depression or what ever it was, had made the whole family somehow close themselves into their respective shells. It felt like having fun around that house was forbidden. There was a constant feeling of misery hanging around the house, or so Emmett had told me. It seemed like things were looking better now, and it was all because of this horse whisperer.

Emmett told me that Jasper was bi like Edward, and that both of them seemed to like each other. He warned me about being possessive, and about my reactions to how Edward looked now. I knew it wouldn't make any difference to me what Edward looked like. In a way I still loved him, and it had nothing to do with his looks, or lack thereof like it seemed to be now.

Rolling my eyes at him I assured him I wouldn't fuck up in any way. I wanted Edward to be back to his old, pre-accident self, and I wouldn't stand in the way of his happiness. No way.

I met Jasper briefly and I liked him from the first moment. Which moment? The one where he checked me out without realizing it and clearly appreciated my looks, but there was no interest in his eyes. When Edward's name was said his eyes lit up. I knew he was in love with Eddie and I wanted to hug him for that.

Surprisingly I wasn't jealous at all. I was just happy for them. Love was rare. Mutual love even more so.

Everything went well until Edward stepped out of the guesthouse and ran to me. All I could see were his bright green eyes that sparkled when he saw me and I hugged him tightly.

Luckily Edward has sense in him, so he realized his mistake and left for the guesthouse. I went to have something to eat with Esme.

Not long after that Edward and Jasper appeared at the main house to eat some with us. They were both looking relieved, and everyone could tell something had shifted between them. They were stealing glances and acting all funny.

The next few days went by fast; we were settling in to our routines. Emmett and I helped Esme with the foals and Clara. Edward was on doggie-duty and Jasper worked with Calla. Everyone helped each other when needed, well of course not Edward, he was still not coming anywhere near the horses.

Calla was getting better every day and then something would shift and she'd turn a little worse before getting better again. She was evolving from the scared as hell broken animal into a more healthy one. I doubt anyone outside the family would have noticed the subtle daily changes but we did.

On the third day after my arrival, I walked to Calla's new paddock and watched Jasper sit inside the paddock with his guitar in hand, strumming it and singing in a very nice voice, whatever seemed to come to his mind.

"Do you know any Foo Fighters?" I asked him quietly and he turned his head, of course knowing I was there since Calla had noticed me too. He read the horse so well he knew everything that happened around the two of them without looking around himself.

"Sure. Come sit with me?" he asked and I was a bit surprised.

But he was right, Calla paid no attention to me when I sneaked inside and went to sit with Jasper.

"She likes you," Jasper said and there was no animosity in his tone. In fact I felt accepted by him suddenly. His small smile confirmed this to me when he peered at me from under his blonde locks.

He was stunning. With his bad boy tattoos and amazing looks and body... I would have hit on him myself were it not for Edward, and their feelings towards each other.

Jasper began to strum his guitar, sitting there on the grass under the late afternoon sun, in his cargo shorts and white tank top that showed off his toned muscles and some of his tattoos. He was like some strange god from someone's fantasy. Anyone's fantasy.

I grinned when I immediately recognized the song.

"_Hello  
__I've waited here for you  
Everlong..."_

When he got in to the chorus I joined in, my voice was nothing special but it was one of my favorite songs ever.

"_And I wonder  
Then I sing along with you  
__If everything could ever feel this real forever  
If anything could ever be this good again  
The only thing I'll ever ask of you  
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when..."_

When the song came to the last note, we grinned at each other. That's when Calla lifted her head a bit and looked behind us, her ears turning towards the house.

We turned to look towards the house just as the window was opened downstairs, under Edward's room, and I gasped.

"What?" Jasper almost whispered.

"The piano, nobody but Edward plays it," I said and then the sounds floated out of the window.

"Give me the guitar?" I asked Jasper in a whisper and he gave it to me immediately, without a question.

Slowly I walked out of the paddock with the guitar, ending up under the window and Jasper followed me. Calla was interested, she walked closer to the house, the sound of the piano calling her too.

"Do you know this song?" I asked Jasper who shook his head. I didn't play the guitar yet, just waited for Edward to start singing.

His voice had been lovely, he was an amazing pianist and could sing too, but music had been put to the back burner when competing took over.

The music, perfect, even if his voice was coarse and broken in places, floated to us and we both knew he was aware of us being there.

"_Here by my side, an angel  
Here by my side, the devil  
Never turn your back on me  
Never turn your back on me, again  
Here by my side, it's heaven_

_Here by my side, you are destruction  
Here by my side, a new color to paint the world  
Never turn your back on it  
Never turn your back on it, again  
Here by my side, it's heaven "_

I began to play the guitar and joined in at the more rock-ish part, even singing the lyrics I could still remember.

"_Careful, be careful  
Careful, be careful  
Where the world drops off  
Where the world drops off  
__Careful, be careful  
And you breathe in and you breathe out  
For it ain't so weird  
How it makes you a weapon_

_  
And you give in  
And you give out  
For it ain't so weird  
How it makes you a weapon  
Never turn your back on it  
Never turn your back on it again.."_

I stopped playing there and let him play the last few lines alone, singing in a now tired tone that made his voice barely carry over the piano. But these lines were for Jasper, not me.

_"Careful, be careful  
Here by my side, it's heaven_

_Here by my side, it's heaven..." _

"Look at the mare..." Jasper whispered and I turned to look.

Calla was standing behind the fence, listening to the music. She looked so interested it had to be new, otherwise Jasper wouldn't have looked so enthusiastic.

"Edward..you don't have to look at her but could you speak a few words?" Jasper asked in a low tone, Edward was still sitting on the piano bench, his head tilted towards the keys so that he wouldn't have to look outside.

I held my breath.

"Wh...what should I say?" Edward asked in a hesitant tone.

"Hmm...how are the puppies doing?" Jasper asked and I smiled at him for his quick thinking.

"Erm...well they're all doing pretty well. Bella is okay too, she's putting on some weight... And she wobbles really well on three legs to go out to pee. I also named one of the puppies. His name is Monroe. I like him, he's really active and nice. Oh and they're crawling a lot more already, I think the extra nutrition has done the trick."

The more Edward spoke, the more enthusiastic he became. When he got to the last part, Calla was practically pacing on the other side of the fence to get closer to him. Both Jasper and I looked at the mare in awe.

"I should get back to them, mom is watching them for a while," Edward said and got up.

That's when Calla neighed softly.

Edward gasped and scrambled away from the window, probably instinctively, heading out of the house and to the guesthouse. Before I had time to react in any way, Jasper had bolted around the corner and was running to Edward.

Calla looked confused but then I picked up a piece carrot from my pocket and held it out for her on my palm. The mare was too surprised about Edward to be afraid. She picked it up, chewed for a moment and then realized she was so close to me. With a startled sound from her throat, she spun around and galloped to the other end of the paddock and settled down.

I walked away from the paddock, only to get to the front yard in time to see Jasper holding Edward close to his body. Edward was shaking and I could see Jasper's lips moving as he whispered something into Edward's ear.

Retreating behind the corner of the house I kept an eye on them. There was something very intimate about the scene. The best thing was that Edward was visibly calming down. The shaking stopped, and he finally looked up at Jasper, wiping his eyes and smiling a bit. I could see his lips moving, he was thanking Jasper who smiled back at him.

Then, slightly awkwardly, they let go of each other, probably a bit shy or something, and I could hear the next words spoken.

"I'm proud of you. You know that, right?" Jasper asked Edward, who nodded.

"I better get to the puppies, time to feed them." He didn't comment on anything more and Jasper touched his shoulder briefly before walking towards the stable, probably to take a look at the foals.

Emmett was in the city, on a lecture or something, so we had decided to move Clara and the foals outside once he got home. It was warm outside and they would be just fine by now. We still needed to feed the smaller foal but it was doing quite well.

I left the guitar next to the front porch and walked across the yard to the stables.

Jasper was there, leaning to the box door and he was smiling.

"They look good today," he said when he heard me.

"Yeah, the boys are fine; Esme is trying to come up with names," I told him and he nodded.

Clara offered us her head to scratch, and for a while we stood there, petting the mare and looking at the little ones.

"Edward is the key, isn't he?" I asked after a silent moment.

"It seems so. Now we need to figure out a way to make him see it too... He just broke down just now...I know he wanted to go to Calla but couldn't. The fear is too close to him still. And I think it's not the kind of fear you'd expect...I think it's more like...he's afraid of Calla's reaction." Jasper spoke in a contemplative tone, thinking about every word carefully.

"Where was the song from?" he asked suddenly and I grinned.

"Did you ever see 'Queer as Folk'?" I asked.

"A few episodes here and there, I liked it but I have never been big on tv," he said and smiled again.

"My wife liked it though, she had the DVDs so I suppose I have those at home somewhere still," he added as an afterthought.

"Ahh..." was all I could say, I hadn't known he had been married.

"Yeah, she died a few years ago," Jasper said, and even though he was trying to brush it off the pain was evident in his tone.

"Sorry..." I said and he turned to smile at me a bit sadly.

"It's okay, you couldn't have seen that association coming. Besides I'm trying to learn to talk about her again," he said and I turned my gaze back to the mare in front of us.

"Anyway, the song is played in the background of one amazing blowjob-scene I once found Edward watching." I chuckled and Jasper joined in.

"Oh...I bet that made the song all the more special..."

"Trust me, I hummed it in all sorts of places...like while his parents were in the room and so on..." I shook my head and smirked.

"I take it the effect has faded by now." Jasper grinned.

"Oh yes, it's a pretty song though and I think he wasn't playing it for me or Calla...and it had nothing to do with the show either," I told him and looked at him more seriously.

"I'm falling in love with him and I can't help it at all..." he said in a whisper, turning to look at me with a bit of a torn expression.

"I know everything about that... Trust me, he feels the same way about you. Consider yourself extremely lucky, Jasper. You're a great guy and I think you're just what he needs. Maybe the other way around too?" Smiling, I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I think so... We have time...there's no rush," he said and briefly put his hand over mine before we both pulled our hands back.

"You're okay, Riley." Jasper smirked at me and I almost swooned a bit.

"You know you need to stop that, right? You have a certain skinny boy in the guesthouse and we both love him. Don't tempt me with the southern twang and the dazzling grin." I scolded him and he threw his head back, laughing out loud, making the foals look up at us with interest.

Emmett walked in at that moment and looked amused.

"What's so funny?" he asked as he walked to us.

"Oh...Riley has something wrong with his sight and hearing I suppose..." Jasper shrugged it off with a smirk.

"Okay, I'm so letting this one go..." Emmett grinned and looked at Clara.

"We're moving them to Calla's old paddock?" I asked him as he opened the door to the box.

"Yep, let's get going, I think the foals will follow her but one of you might need to carry the little one if he gets too tired to walk," Emmett said and both myself and Jasper nodded to him.

We moved the horses. Jasper carried the smaller foal in his arms even though the distance was short, saying that he'd rather let the foal keep his strength.

I had to keep my eyes on the other foal that was more active, actually bouncing around a bit and looking wobbly and adorable like foals that age always do.

When we got them all safely inside the paddock, Jasper excused himself to the guesthouse and Emmett and I stayed behind to watch the trio in the paddock.

I filled Emmett in on what had happened before, and he looked interested and amazed at the same time.

"Oh wow..." was all he could say and I smiled at him.

"Hey by the way, isn't your mom's barbeque party next week?" I asked and he nodded, neither of us really realizing I had called Esme his mom.

"Yeah, on Saturday, why?" he asked and I smirked a bit wickedly.

"Well...my sister is coming to visit our aunt and her husband on Thursday. Thought you might want to meet her..."

Emmett looked horrified, interested and shy all at once.

"Don't worry man, if she doesn't like you, she'll bite your head off. If she likes you, she'll bite your head off. It's pretty much all the same with our Rosie." I patted Em's back and he chuckled a bit.

"Boys? There's coffee and sandwiches at the guesthouse for you two as well!" Esme called out from the porch of the main house and we made our way to the puppyland.

We fell into a nice conversation, the four of us, and the puppies crawled on the floor near the doggie bed and Bella drooled at our sandwiches. It was a nice way to spend the late afternoon, just hanging out with friends.

Edward was definitely coming out of his shell again, he was smiling and talking again, eating too. Jasper looked at him with adoration he couldn't quite hide, and Emmett tried not to tease him or Edward too much.

It was good to be here again.


	9. Bravery

**Disclaimer: **Don't own anything Twi. This story is mine, so no stealing it, peeps. ;)

Since last week, I also became a fully trained psychiatrist and a veterinarian. _Or not..._ Go figure.

**A/N: **At the bottom of the page.

This time my lovely friend OnTheTurningAway did the betaing and I am grateful for that. Thanks Mar, you rock. ^^

**xxxXXxxx**

Brand New Start

Chapter 9

JPOV

It had been indescribable to hold Edward in my arms even if for a brief moment and to calm him down after he bolted from the house when Calla tried to make contact. Coming to terms with our mutual feelings...it seemed to have happened easily but we both knew that it was anything but.

In reality we both were broken, inside and out, and it would take time before we'd be anywhere near to being ready to even try a relationship with each other. I knew that it might be too long, that someone else might come in between but as much as fate had kicked me around, I believed in the fact that everything happened for a reason.

Since the puppies and Bella were found, Edward had slept on the couch in the guesthouse. He had absolutely refused to sleep in the bed upstairs, I would have swapped with him, but he didn't want to. He wanted to stay close to the dogs. It had a calming effect on me too, having him in the same house.

Riley had turned out to be a vital addition to the people around the little farm. He was efficient, worked hard and knew his way around horses. It was good to know that I could trust him even with Calla and sometimes I let him go and play guitar to the mare just for a change in her routines.

The day when Edward played the piano was the starting point of many similar days. Every day he played the piano, Calla came to the fence and called for him. Every day he was slower to move away from the piano. Eventually he seemed tempted to look at the mare but didn't.

It was Wednesday of the week of Esme's barbeque party. She was buzzing around and everyone else was trying to stay out of her way. We helped her carry the tables from storage into the garden. She told Emmett that he needed to hand the lights to the trees on Friday and if he'd forget to do that, it wouldn't be lights that hung from the trees. Somehow I didn't doubt her for a second.

During the days, I had gradually gotten closer to Calla. I could walk past it close enough to touch it if I wanted to, but she wasn't ready for that. Riley had told me about the carrot-incident, which gave me hope that she could be turned back to a reasonably normal horse.

On Wednesday I needed to see if we were right. Like Riley had said, Edward was the key. I needed to get him to go to her. Even if just around the corner of the house, not even to the fence. Just close enough for her to smell his scent and hear his voice.

After the lunch I was having with Edward and the dogs, I looked at him thoughtfully.

"What?" he asked after a while.

"I need to ask you something and I know you're going to freak out... But you know as well as I do that I wouldn't be the man I am if I didn't ask," I said. I could see it in Edward's eyes, how he began to close off everything around him.

"No..." he whispered and I moved to kneel next to his chair.

"Edward, listen to me, please..." I said in a gentle tone and grasped his hands. "I won't make you do it. All I'm asking is that you'd come with me to see her. Just around the corner of the house. You don't have to look at her, just let her see you." I spoke quickly, passionately, trying to get through to him before he'd shut me out completely.

"You...you really think it would help her?" he asked in a whisper, squeezing his eyes shut.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it would make a difference." My thumb rubbed circles on the back of his hand and somehow it seemed to keep him anchored to the situation, or to me, who knew.

"You'll be there all the time?" he asked and opened his eyes very slowly.

I could see the unshed tears glistening in his eyes.

"I won't leave you for a moment," I promised him and he closed his eyes again, clearly trying to make a decision.

He was looking much more healthy already. Edward was trying, everyone could tell. He was taking responsibility of the dogs, walking Bella as far as she could go, eating properly and resting when he was supposed to. He was laughing more often too, usually at something silly the puppies were doing.

"Okay.. Can we go now? I don't think I can handle waiting," he asked and looked so very scared.

"Sure." Getting to my feet I held out my hand to him and he took it without hesitation.

After hugging the other day we had barely touched each other. Of course it happened in passing when we were cooking or watching TV or something. It was natural like that but we hadn't done it on purpose. It seemed too soon in so many ways.

We walked outside, his hand securely in mine and the more steps he took towards the back of the house, the more hesitant, nervous and slow he got. I stopped in front of the house to let him breathe. From the corner of my eye I saw Riley standing at the stable doorway and looking at us worriedly.

"Are you sure?" I asked Edward who took a trembling breath and nodded.

I began to move again, slowly, letting Edward take his time even though his hand was in mine. Knowing that he'd panic, I didn't pull him with me at any point.

His eyes were cast down to the ground as we walked. Idly I wondered how long I had been here, two weeks? More or less. I wasn't sure. When these jobs came along, if I took one, Peter and my sister knew that I'd come back home eventually.

Time meant very little to me.

We inched towards the back of the house, alongside the house. Edward's long and pale fingers were touching the wall, like he was drawing strength from both the house and me. When he got to the corner of the house he stopped.

"I'm going to call her, okay?" I asked him and he nodded but kept his eyes down.

"Calla, c'mere girl!" I called out, moving so that I wasn't hidden by the corner.

The mare raised her head, looking doubtful. Lately she had begun to actually move towards me when I called her. No, she wouldn't let me touch her yet but she was okay with me doing pretty much anything else.

"Would you step here so she could see you?" I asked in a gentle tone and Edward sneaked around the corner, his back against the wall.

The mare walked closer, slowly, like she wasn't sure which of them would be startled first. When she got to the fence, she looked at Edward closely and then nickered very quietly.

Edward inhaled sharply and his fingers squeezed my hand more tightly.

"She never approaches anyone like this. She doesn't want anyone but you, Edward. I think...I think it's all about you." I said hesitantly and his eyes snapped up to meet mine.

"Edward...listen to me?" I asked and moved so that I was between him and the mare. I moved closer, almost touching him but not quite. "I'd never hurt you on purpose. I'd never push you or Calla farther than you can go. I think it's time."

He blinked, tears falling from beneath his lashes and he looked so young and vulnerable suddenly.

"This won't solve it all. But if you do this, if we work as a team, maybe she can one day be like she used to. There's no easy fix, but you both need each other to heal. I think you know that too, don't you?" I raised my hand to wipe his tears away.

Another breath, this time more determined, and he nodded.

Pushing himself away from the wall, he waited for me to turn around and then wrapped his skinny arms around my waist for support. I moved my own arm, over his shoulders, so that he could look at the mare.

Calla looked enthusiastic, somehow shy too, but there was a spark inside the horse for the first time since I had seen her. We walked slowly towards the fence. It was ten, fifteen steps and it took us a long time to get there but the mare was waiting patiently.

For the first time she leaned her head over the fence, waiting for Edward and being completely still. Because she was used to me, she didn't seem phased about me being there. I wasn't a threat and Edward was still her human. We stopped a couple of steps from her and I stepped back to stand behind Edward, wrapping my hands around him this time.

"One more step." I said quietly and Edward took it.

Taking his hand into my own, I extended our joined fingers towards the mare who looked at us with no caution at all. She moved her head ever so slowly towards our hands and breathed warm air to Edward's chronically cold fingers.

He shivered in my arms but seemed to be fixed on that spot. I moved us a bit more, until our fingers touched the mare's head and then I pulled my own hand away, leaving Edward's hand next to the large star on her forehead.

I think each of us stopped breathing for a moment.

I don't know how long we stood there like that, Edward leaning to my chest, his hand immobile on the mare's head and the mare standing still like a statue. It was like they were having some secret conversation I wasn't part of and maybe in a way they were?

At some point Edward leaned forward and placed his forehead gently against Calla's star and they stayed like that for a while. When I moved my hands a bit, Edward's other hand over mine around his waist made a gesture to stop me. I stood there, as immobile as they were, under the midday sun, and inhaled the best scent ever. It was Edward, horses, the grass Emmett had cut this morning for the party, and the heat of the sun from my own skin.

I was completely at ease. It wasn't so much as I had Edward so close or that Calla and he were peaceful like this, touching each other and reconnecting. Nothing was this easy and I knew it. Somehow I just felt good. Maybe it was a combination of many things... I don't know, really.

Suddenly I was missing my sister. Angie was my light after Alice died and she would continue to be just that as long as there was breath in us both. Nobody else had ever understood me so completely... I wanted to call her.

I felt Edward's knees starting to shake a bit from staying still for so long. The small vibration of his body seemed to transfer to Calla who shifted her head like she was coming out of a trance. Edward straightened himself and smiled at the mare who seemed just as happy as he was. My heart fluttered a bit.

"It's okay, go eat some more, girl." Edward whispered and the mare backed away from the fence and walked to the middle of the paddock before she began to eat again.

"I think you need some rest now." I pointed out to Edward and he smiled a bit, turning his head to look at me.

"I think so too," he agreed. I stepped back, taking his hand in case he needed the physical support, and we walked slowly to the guesthouse.

He tried not to show it, but despite how mentally and physically tired he was, Edward was beaming. I knew better than to make a big deal of it. He would have been annoyed to say the least and I didn't want to upset him. I'd let him tell who he wanted to tell and leave the subject be.

When we reached the door I suddenly had an idea.

"Hey, Edward. Do you have a webcam in your laptop?" I asked and he nodded, looking at me a bit puzzled.

"I'd love to call my sister and actually see her but my webcam is broken, can I borrow yours?" I asked and he grinned widely.

"Sure, I can set it up for you if you want?" he asked and we agreed that he could do that once I texted my sister to see if she was at home at this hour.

I went to grab my phone from the counter as Edward greeted the dogs and went to get his laptop from the coffee table.

"_Sis, you at home? Videochat with me for a while? Miss you." _I sent it to Angela's number.

It took her a few minutes to answer: "_Sure, let me crank the old faithful up."_

I was going to buy her a new laptop for her birthday next month. I needed to remember that. Luckily the thing she had now still managed to keep her webcam and internet going. 'Old faithful' was good for that and being a typewriter, pretty much.

"Okay, what do you use to chat with her?" Edward asked and I answered him. Luckily we used the same program so he didn't need to install anything for me.

"I'll grab something to drink and go nap on the couch, just close it when you're done." he said and got up, letting me sit down.

I was connecting with Angie when I heard Edward at the fridge.

"Hey, can you give me a soda too?" I asked and he grabbed me one.

We had the cams but not microphones as Angie's built in thing had broken down some months back. Picture was fine though, more than voice would have been.

"_Hey gorgeous." _I greeted her and I saw her giggle without a sound, pushing her glasses up her nose before she replied.

"_Blah, I'm not...hey who's he?!" _she typed and pointed somewhere over my shoulder.

Edward gave me the soda from over my shoulder and since Angie was waving frantically at him, he laughed and waved back.

"She's very pretty. You guys have good genes. I do like blondes better though," he pointed out and I chuckled.

"I'll be sure to tell her that," I agreed, popping the can open and took a long pull from the drink.

"Thanks, that'll make a good impression," he said as he shuffled away towards the couch.

"Why do you care how my sister thinks of you?" I asked, knowing that Angie could see my cheeky grin but didn't care.

Edward huffed from the couch but I could see him smiling.

"_I effing hate that we don't have sound!! What was that about?" _Angela demanded.

"_Oh, yeah, that's Edward. I told you about him. He said something about you being pretty, us having good genes and well that he prefers blondes."_ I smirked while hitting send.

I could see my sister reading the words and then she laughed out loud, looking as lovely as ever. She was a wonderful woman, a teacher who loved her job, she taught kids up to twelve years of age and said that they were nicer the younger they were.

"_Okay, there's definitely something going on between you two. Now tell your sister everything," _she typed and I grinned a bit, leaning back for a moment, drinking my soda as she just watched me patiently.

We shared that, patience. She needed it with her kids at school and I needed it with horses. It was something our parents had had in plenty. They had had us, two years apart and me first, when they were already quite old to be having their first child. Mom had been forty-three when Angela was born and dad was older than mom by eleven years.

We had lost them young, they had been madly in love and when dad died of cancer when I was twenty-one, mom followed him in a bit over a year. I took care of Angie and when I got married, she was already working after getting her studies done in record time.

I supposed she used her grief productively. She was pretty much adopted by my in-laws like I was and that never stopped, even when Alice died. We didn't see them as often as we would have liked to but at least we tried to go there for Christmas every year.

"_I think I'm falling in love with him. Scares the crap out of me, sis,"_ I finally typed and hit send.

My sister wasn't a typical woman. Instead of squealing, jumping up and down or both, she looked thoughtful for a while before she answered.

"_Didn't you say he was severely depressed? I mean he looked like skin and bones and not healthy by any means."_

"_Yeah..."_ I had a brief pause before I put the rest in to words. "_I can't help it though. He's not bi-polar, Ang, he's depressed and he's doing better every day. He's so different already."_

I smiled when I remembered the conversation upstairs after he had jumped into Riley's arms outside.

"_Angie...he likes me too. We've agreed to take it really slow. I haven't told him everything about Alice yet. Too soon but...I will. He needs to know what he's getting into. He's so young,"_ and before Angie could ask, I added, "_21. He's way more mature though, he has had to grow up pretty fast." _

"_Well, bro...you're not even thirty and you're going on fifty by now... I hope you know what you're doing. Not saying anything is wrong, just hoping you're wise enough to look at things from every angle." _Her smile was pretty and loving and then her face lit up. "_Hey what was that about some puppies?" _I had texted her that evening, like I did daily, about what had happened during the day.

I smirked at her, then leaned to the side and picked up the puppy closest to me and held him up.

Now my sister was jumping up and down, doing all sorts of aww-faces and probably babytalking to the screen...

"_This is Monroe. Edward's favorite," _I typed slowly as the puppy tried to crawl about on my lap.

"_They're adorable," _she typed and I knew she wasn't meaning the puppies. She meant Monroe and Edward.

"_You'd love his family. If I end up being here for a while, maybe you should come over one weekend?"_ I typed after I placed the puppy back on the floor.

"_They wouldn't mind? I mean this weekend I'm going to your place to help Peter with some stuff but the next one?"_

"_Yeah, why not. I don't think they'd mind, Esme seems to love having people around. How's my zoo?" _I asked, she had probably talked with Peter last and usually he didn't call me unless something was seriously wrong when I was working elsewhere.

That was an agreement. I let him run the my farm like he wanted to because I trusted him with my life. He'd let me work in peace and I'd let him work in peace. Easy and simple.

Angela was typing rapidly and I emptied my can while waiting.

"_Horses are okay. Poppy hasn't popped yet, should be any day now. Dogs are okay, Rusty is a bit lost but then again he has been that for the last year so... Peter wants you to see him before you make any decisions. Or do you want me to make it for you?" _she asked, compassion in her eyes.

Poppy was my mustang mare, a lovely little thing that was getting closer to foaling. Rusty on the other hand, was my oldest dog, a German shepherd who turned fourteen a few months ago and was now living on borrowed time.

I sat there, thinking about her question. Rusty wasn't losing the control of his hind legs like old German shepherds so often did. It was his hearing and eyesight and brain that was going. He was pretty much almost bumping into things and got lost in his thoughts for long periods of time.

Inhaling, I made a decision.

"_You'll know if it is time. I won't make him wait for me. If he's hurting or in distress..." _I placed my elbows on either side of the laptop and leaned to my hands.

I could see my sister looking sad but nodding then. She was crying already and I hated to ask her this... She typed something and I looked at the text window.

"_Don't you even go there, Jasper. Of course I will. Rusty is my family too. If it's time to let him go, I will take him to the vet myself and Peter will dig a grave next to Missy." _

I smiled through my tears and she suddenly seemed to hear something.

"_Doorbell. I gotta go, must be Ben. I'll call you on the weekend when I know what to do with Rusty. Bye love," _she typed really fast and blew me a kiss before shutting down the connection, knowing what I would have said.

I sighed and began to shut down Edward's laptop.

"What's wrong?" he asked from the couch, looking at me worriedly.

"My oldest dog is getting too old. Angie needs to decide over the weekend if he's well enough to wait for me or if he should be let to doggie heaven to his sister." I smiled sadly and Edward nodded.

I got up, watching the puppies so I wouldn't step on one, and walked towards the living room space. I was going to sit on the armchair but Edward bent his knees and made room at the couch so I plopped down next to him.

"He's over fourteen now. His sister, Missy, was Angie's dog that had to be let to doggie heaven like she likes to put it, five years ago because she had some sort of chronic thing with her ears. She had constant infections no matter what we did and Angie thought it better to make that decision," I said and Edward nodded.

"So I think Rusty will be buried next to his sister over the weekend. My ranch hand, Peter, he's my best friend, pretty much runs the place when I'm not at home, and Angie goes there every other weekend when I'm away to check on stuff and keep him company. I mean I live in the back country." I grinned a bit.

Suddenly I felt exhausted too. I yawned. Glancing at the clock on the wall I decided to take a nap before dinner. I knew Calla was probably just as tired as Edward was.

"I think I'll go take a nap. Want to come with me?" I asked and saw his eyes widen. "Not like that you pervert. I thought it would be more comfortable laying on the bed so you don't have to open the sofa-bed yet," I rolled my eyes theatrically.

"Su-sure...hmm. Okay," he said and I chuckled.

"I'm not asking you to make out with me. It would be nicer there and it would be nice to have someone on the other side of the bed for a change. I'll keep my paws to myself," I smirked and made Edward blush.

"Did I say you had to?" he countered cheekily as we walked up the stairs and I shook my head.

"No, you didn't. But I think we both agree that it wouldn't be smart."

"True...but a boy can dream, eh?" he chuckled from behind me and I had to laugh at that too.

I went to the bathroom to clean myself up a bit, I was dusty and sweaty and I should have taken a shower. I couldn't be bothered though, so I just wiped my face and neck with a wet washcloth and walked back to the bedroom, stripping my shorts off as they weren't nice to sleep in.

"You're not making this any easier," Edward pointed out from the unused side of the bed, "I mean, Calvin Klein, seriously?"

I laughed a bit, "Angie buys me tons of these every Christmas. She mother hens me more than she should."

I settled down, tossing a blanket to Edward and getting another one for myself as I laid on top of the covers and pulled a pillow under my head like Edward had done. We laid by our sides, facing each other, and it felt nice, even if we were on the opposite sides of the king sized bed.

"Tell me about your farm?" he asked and yawned a bit.

"Everything?" I asked and he nodded.

He knew I asked him if he wanted to hear about my horses too. I was glad about the nod, he was trying so hard it made me smile.

"The farm was our childhood home. It has belonged to the Whitlock family for over a hundred years now. Angie and I stayed there after our parents died, we were around your age when it happened. They were older already, dad died of cancer and mom from a broken heart, more or less." I smiled a bit. The memory didn't hurt anymore.

"Angie went to study elsewhere, she wanted to be a teacher and that's when my friend Peter moved in to keep me company. I promised him food, lodging and some cash when I had it, and since he wanted to live in the countryside and was content with doing his writing there while taking care of my farm with me, we sort of fell into a nice routine. He's a published author, writes detective novels, four by now," I grinned and Edward looked impressed.

"I have five horses, soon six because one of my mares is going to foal any day now. Three dogs, which will be two soon. The others are a German shepherd and a Jack Russell. I have a few cats who hunt mice and get food from Peter too. There are chickens, about three at any given time. I also have a pond with some koi-fish in it. It was Alice's pride and joy." I smiled before the words hit in.

"Alice was your...wife?" he asked and I nodded, knowing that the sorrow was clear on my face again.

"Yeah," I breathed, "we were married for over a year. She was bi-polar. One day she decided to end it all... Neither I nor Peter had time to stop her and...suddenly she was gone. I learned later that she was pregnant...early on but still. It was so early that I don't think she knew yet herself..." I didn't realize I was crying again until I felt Edward wipe the tears from my face with his cool fingers.

"I'm sorry...for the loss. I can't imagine how that must be like," he said quietly, his eyes full of compassion but no pity which I liked. He probably knew better than to pity someone.

"It's okay..I'm trying to speak of her. Haven't told anyone that much in...maybe over a year..." I smiled weakly, "but you needed to know. I want you to know what you're getting into if you like me. I have tons of baggage, sometimes more than I can carry... Angie and Peter help me, and Alice's parents too. But I'm older than you and I'm complicated and broken..." I sighed and closed my eyes, feeling a shudder go through me as I let the grief go once again.

"If you haven't noticed...I'm not exactly a safe bet myself. I don't know if I'll ever be even remotely healthy. I'm trying...every day now I'm trying...but I'm not sure how long I can keep it up. I'll need someone to lean on too and...what if we're too much for each other? I mean..." he swallowed and I waited for what ever he needed to say.

"Jasper, have you ever been attracted to a guy before?" he whispered and I smiled a bit.

"Yeah, I'm bisexual. I had a boyfriend before I met Alice but he couldn't handle my lifestyle, the traveling and stuff. I've always been attracted to both genders...it's something I never really thought about. So no, you're not some guinea pig, don't worry," I smiled at him and he smiled back, in a more relaxed way.

"Okay... Good. Then...one day at a time?" he asked and I nodded.

"Now, nap?" I asked and he smiled as he settled down more comfortably and closed his eyes.

Right now things were working out. Slowly but surely. I was already waiting for the party and loosening up a bit. Emmett had raved about the food and beer flowing at Esme's parties and how much fun they could be. I hadn't been to a proper barbeque in ages so I was looking forward to it.

Riley's sister was coming too, which was interesting. Emmett was antsy about meeting her and Edward had told me Riley had wanted those two to meet for a while.

"Jasper?" Edward suddenly asked in a sleepy tone.

"Mmhmm?" was all I could get out of my already half asleep mind.

"Would you...be my date for the party?" he asked and as I opened my eyes, I saw his eyes squeezed shut tightly and a blush on his cheeks.

I grinned widely and touched his cheek with my index finger gently.

"It would be an honor, darlin'," I said and his perfect lips curved into a smile but he was still too shy to open his eyes.

Pulling my hand away I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep for a couple of hours. I had a date...what a strange and exhilarating idea.

**xxxXXxxx**

**A/N: **I got some feedback on ruining the story with going too fast with the boys' relationship or including Riley's POV. All I can say is that you haven't read the full story yet, right? Don't make assumptions like that. Sure, the story was supposed to be fully on JPOV, but since Edward wanted to explain things and I wanted to give you guys an outsider's view... Now you have it. I could have done it as an outtake but I thought it was better this way. Don't like, don't read. ;)

Keep in mind that I never promised the whole story a HEA. In fact, I never promised a thing what comes to this story. I'm not threatening you guys and you shouldn't stop reading because of these words alone, but don't assume too much. The Future Christmas-outtake isn't the last bit of the story, there will be something left after that too so...yeah. Just keep reading. ;)

Anyway...going to try to remember to update the latest songs from Chapters 8 & 9 in to the BNS-blog. There's a link for that and the story's Twilighted-thread in my profile.

Reviews and going to the thread will earn you cookie points and I'll seriously consider writing you guys and Em & Rose-outtake...it will be good, trust me.

_One more thing..._ Enjoy the happy times and mild fluff while it lasts. It won't forever...


	10. Another Turning Point

**Disclaimer: **All things Twi belong to S. Meyer, as always. This story is mine and is my precious. Just sayin'.

The songs mentioned belong to their respective owners.

Still not a vet nor a shrink, but I do have severe depression and a minor zoo, so that must count for something, eh? ;)

Also, since my beta mycrookedsmile is on a road trip with her family, I asked for help and got some from mah girl SubtlePen.

Thanks, Liz. *smooches*

**-xxXxx-**

Brand New Start

Chapter 10

**Edward's POV**

I woke up Friday morning. It was early, like still dark-early, but it would be a busy day so I didn't mind being up already. Jasper was still asleep upstairs. Jasper...the thought of him made me grin a bit and I got up from the couch still smiling. I circled the puppies that woke up when Bella began to wag her tail at me.

I put the coffee maker on, then walked to the bathroom to relieve myself and brush my teeth before I walked back to the kitchen.

"Let's go out, Bells." I whispered to the dog and she got up, much faster already, and awkwardly hopped towards the front door on her three good legs. The massaging and exercise helped some, but she still couldn't walk properly. She put some weight on it sometimes which was a promising sign, or so the Doc had said.

I let her out and closed the doors behind us. The sun was somewhere below the horizon but the hint of it was there already. I walked slowly, letting Bella sniff around at her own pace and it took me a while to realize I was walking towards Calla.

It had been...I didn't even have words to describe reconnecting with Calla even to that degree. To see she had forgiven me, to see she wasn't holding me responsible, that she missed me and needed me and... I wiped a tear that escaped somehow and smiled a bit as I walked. It had been quite the strain to be there but Jasper had held on to me, he hadn't left me and it was just... I had never felt so close to anyone before, whether he knew it or not.

Walking past the still quiet house I went to the fence. Calla was on the other end again and was a bit startled by my presence.

"Shh girl...just me." she walked towards me slowly, not hesitantly but listening to the sounds Bella was making while working her way towards us. "That's Bella, she's really nice but she's scared of cars. She's a bit damaged like we are. See? She hops around with one leg up in the air. Looks a bit funny, doesn't she?"

By then I was scratching Calla behind the ears and she had leaned her head over the fence again. The connection was amazing. Just like old times. Well, almost. As soon as there was a bang from the house, my dad getting up most likely, she snorted softly and retreated from the fence.

I took that as my cue and walked away from the fence. My limp wasn't so bad, I had overheard dad telling mom that he thought the muscles were remembering more now that I was actively moving, crouching, getting up and such with the puppies. He was probably right.

When we got back to the guesthouse, Bella was already in a rush to get back to her kids. I opened the door to a happy sound of puppies munching their breakfast. We had been advised by the Doc to give them food already because of Bella needed all the nutrition from the food she ate. The puppies were draining her dry, quite literally. With extra food they weren't relying on her so much and she had gotten a bit meat on her bones.

There was a mug on the table for me, filled with coffee. I smiled at it, Jasper did this every morning for me because I took care of the dogs and made lunch when mom wasn't bringing some for us from the main house. After giving Bella her breakfast I grabbed the mug and walked to the couch. It took him a few minutes to appear downstairs and he was holding his own mug. For some reason he came downstairs in his sleeping clothes, grabbed coffee and walked back up to get dressed. It was adorable somehow. But then again so was Jasper.

Smiling a bit, I let my thoughts return to the nap we had taken together. Dear lord how sexy could one man be... It had taken all I had not to try anything with him.

"Morning," he said and walked to me with a fresh mug of coffee, "how's Bella?" he asked, like he did every day.

"I don't know, honestly didn't pay much attention. We walked to the paddock, went to see Calla." I said casually and I was so glad that he showed no amazement or awe like I knew anyone else would have. He knew just how deeply I was affected by Calla and she by me.

"So, what's in your program today, well this morning..." Jasper asked, smiling in a telltale way when he realized most of our day was programmed by my mom already.

"Though I'd take the puppies out to the lawn and maybe go see Clara and the kiddies. Also promised to go swimming with Riley." I added, remembering that from the previous evening.

"Oh..." he said and I saw something in his eyes briefly, but tried not to read into it.

"And well when you and Em make sure everything is fine with the garden and Riley helps mom with the rest of the cooking inside the house, I'm supposed to figure out the music for the party." I added and he smiled again which made me relax a bit.

"Okay, well I'm off to muck the stables for Emmett since I'm already up. I was thinking about going riding but I doubt I will...besides getting on his horse...I need a ladder," he chuckled and I had to agree to that, Emmett's shire was massive.

After Jasper left, neither of us ate anything at this hour even though we should have, I went to grab my laptop and sat in front of the kitchen table to work on the playlist. Now, what would be cool with everyone...

Two hours later I was almost done. I still needed to get a few songs from CDs I had in the house and some from mom and dad's collection, too. I could do that later, because the sun was up and warming the spot on the yard where I wanted to take the puppies.

I got dressed a bit more, into jeans and a tshirt instead of the sleeping pants I had worn all morning, even outside. I grabbed a large basket mom had brought to me for this purpose and loaded the puppies into it. Bella looked at me curiously when I called her to come. When I got the basket, she seemed to change completely. She was alert, her eyes fixed on the basket, though she wasn't anxious.

"I'm not dropping them or taking them away from you, silly girl..." I murmured to her as I opened the door and we went outside.

The puppies were curious and alert and it took a while for me to get to the corner of the lawn I wanted to take them because I had to keep an eye on them so that they wouldn't crawl over the edges of the basket.

When I set them down on the sunny spot and sat next to the basket, Bella hopped to our side, laying down opposite me, working as a bumper between the driveway and the puppies. They were puzzled and into it all, crawling about in the grass. It was very cute. I was trying to tan myself a bit so I sat with my face towards the sun and kept an eye on the puppies with Bella.

At some point mom came over and sat down with us. She had a treat for Bella, who absolutely adored mom, but then again so did everyone else.

"How are you this fine morning?" she asked in an enthusiastic tone, all pumped up for the party.

"I'm fine, mom. Need to get some music from the house and such but other than that..." I shrugged a bit and I could tell the exact moment when she went mom on me.

"Sweetheart, is there anything I should know?" she asked in a very knowing tone and I sighed.

I thought about it for a while. What would she say? Well she'd be supportive, that much I knew. It had been a long time since we were really close. Maybe I should...change this too. I knew I should.

"Erm...well...I'm sort of having a date tonight with Jasper." I mumbled and then I blushed.

Great.

Before she could hold it in, she totally squealed. My mother. Squealed.

"Oh my God honey...that's _so_ great!" she calmed down a bit and looked at me with her eyes sparkling.

"But...but what are you going to wear?!" she exclaimed suddenly and I looked at her like she was nuts.

"Mom...?"

"Edward!! None of your clothes fit you correctly. It's not like you can wear those! We're taking a few hours right now and going to the city. Now. Get the puppies in and we're going." Her tone didn't leave any room for argument.

Great. Again.

Her argument made sense, so I gathered the little ones and took them back to the guesthouse. Before I went back out I actually went to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. Damn... Well. This was all I had to work with.

Grabbing my cell I walked out. I didn't have my wallet but I knew mom would pay for everything anyway so I didn't need it. I got into the car and she was already there, wearing something different, having on some light make up and her hair perfectly brushed.

"I have no idea how you do this..." I just gawked at her after I fastened my seat belt and she was already driving along the driveway.

"Trust me, takes practice but comes in handy. Now, I want you to think what kind of clothes you want to buy. I'm hoping you won't look like this forever so we're not buying too much but still, we need something that fits you because you want to look good for him. It's really obvious that he likes you and well I saw how you looked at him when we went swimming and I have to say I don't blame you, after all he does have that whole cowboy bad boy thing going on and..."

"MOM!?" I yelled and she nearly jumped but it didn't affect her driving a bit, mom has skills.

"What?" she asked, glancing at me, looking a bit puzzled.

"Stop it. I'll figure out what I want to wear. I'll let you buy the stuff for me. But I _won't_ talk about Jasper with you. Besides it's _really_ weird to hear you speaking of someone I like in..._that_ way..." I said.

She just smiled at me in an annoyingly mommy-style and to my surprise said nothing else. Wow.

We got to the closest mall and I went straight to Hot Topic to pick up a couple of hoodies and shirts that actually fit me. I didn't really care for their selection in pants so I went to another place and bought a couple of pairs of jeans, both skinny fit ones, and some loose fit ones too to feel more comfortable in them. The whole thing took me maybe thirty minutes once I had figured out my current size which, I could see now, was something bordering suicidal. I really needed to eat more and exercise, too.

"Haircut?" mom asked me when I met her in a café where she was downing what looked to be a double espresso.

Instinctively I pushed my fingers into my very overgrown bronze hair and frowned, "I suppose so, now that we're here." For months my hair had been even more wild than usual, it couldn't be tamed anyway but it had been ridiculous lately.

After coffee we went to the barbershop and I got a nice haircut. Nothing too extreme but you could actually see my face now and the hair didn't fall to my eyes when I leaned down. Perfect.

On the way in the car mom seemed thoughtful.

"Thinking about the party?" I asked, feeling better than in ages which surprised me a great deal. A little make over seemed to do wonders.

"Oh, no... Just wondering about things in general. It seems like Jasper is progressing with Calla. Riley said you went to see her too?" her question wasn't invasive, just curious, and I was happy about that.

"Erm...yeah. She lets me touch her and rest my forehead against hers over the fence now. But she still doesn't let anyone else touch her." I added the rest quickly before she got the wrong impression.

"Edward, that's amazing!" she smiled at me radiantly, in the way that dad called the reason why he never could take his eyes off her when she smiled.

"Oh hey, does Rosalie get to the house before the party?" I asked, directing the conversation elsewhere.

"Yes, I think Riley went to pick her up from their aunt's house first thing in the morning or something." Mom looked at me and we both giggled.

"Emmett..poor thing..." I said and shook my head.

Em had no idea that I had met Rose once and my mom had seen her too. She was stunning, probably the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was a character, someone very self assured but not stuck up and her sense of humor was wicked. Rosalie was definitely one of those people who tested others. I knew why. She was so gorgeous people would probably think her a brainless bimbo without really getting to know her at all, but her IQ was sky high. She was the perfect package. A blessing and a curse at the same time, Riley had said. But she'd be perfect for Emmett if they'd like each other. She'd challenge him enough to keep him interested. I also knew Riley was rarely wrong when he thought two people belonged together.

When we got back to the house, it was already nearly three in the afternoon. The first guests would be there at six.

"Allright, take the clothes to your room and go fix what you needed to do with the music. I'll go check the kitchen and the garden..." and then she was off, in her party planner mode. I shook my head but did what was she asked.

I took the clothes to my room and placed them on my bed, taking out what I wanted to wear in the evening. Jasper would be surprised, I was sure.

I got my laptop from the guesthouse and took it to the main house. I ripped a few whole CDs and took some songs from others. I sat in the living room and played the piano while waiting for the full CDs to be ready and I wasn't really thinking about what I played as I was just passing time.

It wasn't until I heard someone enter the room when I turned my head to look at them. Riley and his sister with Jasper in tow. I grinned over the keys.

"Awesome! Never heard it played on a piano before." Rose said and came to me, kissing my cheek.

"Nice hair, Eddie." Riley grinned and I just nodded, my eyes never leaving Jasper who looked speechless for some reason.

"I really like Muse," he said and smiled, coming to lean to the piano. So apparently my mental jukebox had picked me a right song to play in _Starlight_.

"Our hopes and expectations, black holes and revelations..." Rosalie sang, swinging her hips as she danced around the piano.

"Em's not here yet, should be any minute," Riley whispered to my ear and I grinned.

"What else do you like, Rosie?" I asked her when he song ended.

"I don't know...Riley got me hooked on Muse years ago but other than that I'm pretty versatile with music," she shrugged and I thought for a while.

"Okay, how about this..." I began to play again and she grinned when she recognized the Green Day song.

"That's awesome..." she smiled, and leaned to the piano next to Jasper listening to it.

Riley who had gone to open the window for Calla to get a show too sang _Good Riddance_ with me, we didn't sound like much but sure had fun with it.

The last lines were repeated a few more times and Rosalie sang with us. She had a nice voice.

"One more then, more Green Day?" I asked and looked at the three of them.

"Sure, I've always liked them," Jasper said and the others nodded.

"Hmm...so...how about this one?" I asked and began to play _Minority._

Rosalie began to dance again, around the piano. She looked enchanting with her long blonde hair moving in waves around her shoulders and back and her lithe form with all the curves perfectly in place. Apparently Emmett thought so too. His jaw was hanging when I spotted him by the door and he couldn't take his eyes off her.

That prompted me to look at Jasper who was watching me and smiling. Well at least it was only Em who she was charming the pants off, most likely literally if she wanted to, later on.

This time it was Riley who remembered the lyrics so he was humming along. Rose clapped her hands enthusiastically and came to hug me.

"Thanks Eddie!" she grinned and then turned around, only to notice Emmett who had fortunately closed his mouth by then.

"Oh hey Emmett, this is my sister, Rose," Riley said and walked around the piano to push Rosalie forward. Apparently the attraction was mutual or so it seemed. She collected her ice queen persona quickly enough though and a small smile was on place instantly.

"Well hello Emmett..." she said in a slight purr I knew to be fake. It was one of her ways to test people, guys mainly.

"Erm...hmm...hi Rose," Em said, a bit flustered, but kept his eyes on hers instead of staring at her cleavage which I also knew was there to distract anyone who liked boobs.

I glanced at my laptop and it had just finished ripping the last CD so I gestured to Jasper to go with me. I grabbed my laptop and we made our way out of the room, leaving Riley to handle the introductions.

"That was interesting..." I chuckled while we went to the kitchen.

"Oh yes...nice versions of those songs by the way, I like both bands a lot," Jasper said and I think I might have beamed a bit.

"Yeah I know, you've played both for Calla..." I said and the beaming turned into a blush when I realized my mistake.

"I think the last time I played either was the first few days..._oh_..." he said and smirked at me.

I blushed more and then we got to my mom's kingdom or queendom or what ever...

"Hey boys, could you go check that the grill is heated and see if your father is back from the hospital yet, dear...also Jasper check if the coolers have ice in them and..." mom didn't take her eyes off what ever it was she was cooking and gave us orders which we followed gladly, just to get away from the house.

**-xxXxx-**

At five thirty I was up in my room, getting dressed after taking a quick shower. I hadn't really had time to do half of the things I wanted to before the party but I didn't care. As long as the music was in order, right? As long as Esme was happy, more like it.

I picked up some of my new jeans that actually made me look like I had an ass. Miracle in itself I'd say. Deciding which top to wear was solved when Riley stopped by and picked one for me, the black, sort of steam punk style shirt with long sleeves and copper buttons accentuating the front of the black shirt.

"That's great, you look skinny, not sick and skinny when you wear those. I'd totally do you," Riley grinned at me and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, what's new about that?" I smirked and he chuckled before leaving to help mom with the kitchen. He had chosen some worn jeans with a short sleeved tshirt that hugged him quite nicely. He was absolutely lovely, but still just a friend.

I knew that I'd most likely be the only one who would wear long sleeves in the warm summer evening but I'd get cold with less, I was sure of that. So, time to go see if there was anything else for me to do before the guests would begin to arrive.

Mom had invited the firemen, of course, who helped to move Calla. The closest neighbors would come too and some of dad's friends from work. Emmett and I didn't really have anyone to invite, he was too busy with working around our little place and studying that his only friends were the random students he sometimes sat with for more than one lecture. We did have Riley, Rose and Jasper though, it was more than enough and I knew there was a neighbor's son Riley had his eyes on.

When I got downstairs, everything was pretty much in order already. My mom was getting dressed and dad had just come home and was drinking a beer with Jasper on the porch. I could hear them chatting and I grinned a bit before walking to step out of the door.

As soon as my eyes fell on Jasper, I pretty much froze in place. He was wearing low riding black jeans and a white button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He had left a few top buttons open and I could see a shadow of the tattoo on his chest.

"Close your mouth son," dad said to me and I blushed deeply. "Okay, I'll go change into something more comfortable, I'll be back in soon," he said, not that either of us was listening.

Jasper was staring at me, slightly wide eyed, and I chuckled when I got over the way he looked.

"What?" he asked, still a bit dazed.

"You're staring. Is it so strange to see me in normal clothes that fit me?" I smirked and he shook his head as if to get rid of some spell he was suddenly under.

"No...not strange...just...wow..." he managed and I grinned and leaned to take a bottle of beer from the cooler. "Oh...you _do_ have an ass..." he mumbled and made me blush even though that was the exact reason I was wearing the new clothing.

We tried to limit the ogling when we were ushered to the garden with our hands full of trays and bowls and whatnot. I knew mother would calm down as soon as people were there and had plates in their hands. This 'almost there' part was the most stressful for her and it was showing.

Luckily we had Rosalie there.

We were all in the garden, none of the guests had arrived yet, when mom nearly tripped on her feet while carrying a bowl of fruit salad to the garden.

"Okay. Stop." Rose said firmly, placing her hand on mom's forearm.

She took the bowl from Esme and handed it over to Emmett who went to put it on the table.

"Now, what needs to be done?" Rose asked in a calm tone and mom went through her mental list out loud.

"Right. So now you're going to go to the house, take a shower and get dressed. I'm taking the boys with me to do the rest of the things and Emmett is going to handle the grill. Okay?" Rose said, already turning to guide mom gently to the house.

I saw my dad looking at me from the other side of the garden in awe. Nobody could do that, seriously. Rosalie's skills were amazing!

Miraculously we were all ready when the first guests started to pour in. The evening was nice and warm with a small breeze to keep the garden cool enough for it to be pleasant, even though there was a fire in the fire pit and Emmett and dad took turns in barbequing the things people wanted.

I went to order myself some chicken from dad who said nothing but smiled warmly.

"You do know you look great, son, right? And I see how Jasper looks at you. You'll be great together." he said softly when he handed me my plate after a moment of waiting.

"Thanks, dad." I said, ducking my head a bit and went to fill the plate with garlic bread and tomato salad.

I grabbed a bottle of beer and walked to the back of the garden to have some privacy. It wasn't as bad as it used to be, I could now be around people when I wanted to but a gathering like this; people in a small garden getting slightly tipsy and more loud by the minute... I sat on a tree stump, left there to work as a makeshift chair, and sighed contently.

After I was half way through my dinner, Jasper appeared. I saw him walk towards me, a slight swagger in his gait and I couldn't help but drink him with my eyes. I had never thought there was a specific 'type' for me, but I knew now I had found it. How about 'a blonde Texan cowboy with lots of tattoos, hipbones you want to bite and the most gorgeous dimples in the world?' Yeah, sounded about right...

"Here you are...I thought my date bailed on me." Jasper said with a grin and I had to chuckle.

"You know I wouldn't do that." I just stated and he nodded, knowing why I was here.

"You are being complemented all around the party," he said and I raised a brow. "The music, people are loving it. Your mom is ecstatic that you put some Rolling Stones and Beatles on it." he chuckled and nodded towards the spot in the garden where mom and dad were slowdancing to _Norwegian Wood_.

"So it seems..." I just smiled and took another bite of my food.

"They look so happy together." Jasper said and there was a hint of longing in his tone. I knew he was thinking about Alice and I couldn't be jealous.

Balancing my plate on my lap I reached a hand to touch his fingertips as he stood next to where I sat. He looked at me and smiled a silent thanks.

We continued to talk quietly, listening to the music while I ate and after a while Riley walked to us. I could see Jasper tense just a bit, I also knew why because hell, I would have reacted just the same. They seemed friendly enough, though, and Riley was teasing us relentlessly for a moment before he turned his head and saw Joseph, the neighbor's son, enter the garden.

"Happy hunting. No using my bed." I told to him and Jasper snorted as Riley was already walking away, waving back at us over his shoulder.

"Is the boy even gay?" Jasper asked me and I nodded.

"He's been eyeing me for years. I think it's safe to say he is." I answered with a shrug and a part of me loved the way Jasper looked slightly ticked off for a moment.

"Oh...should I be worried?" he asked, taking a pull from his beer.

I got up and placed my bottle and plate on my seat before I brazenly wrapped my arms around Jasper's waist and leaned to him.

"Hmm...no? Because I figured out what my 'type' is earlier..." I said quietly and smirked at him.

"Would you care to tell me more about that?" he asked in a quiet murmur as he leaned down enough for his breath wash over my ear.

I shivered lightly and then told him about my earlier thoughts in a tone that surprised me completely. I had no idea I still had the slightly seductive side in me, it had been ages since I had done anything like this...flirting with someone, let alone someone I actually wanted to get closer to.

"That sounds...interesting..." he murmured and I could tell that his breathing pattern was different. Part of me wanted to push my hips against his, to get closer and to...just feel more. It just wasn't the time yet.

So I stepped back and looked up at him, seeing an understanding smile and eyes that mirrored mine, I was sure of it.

"Let's go mingle?"

"Sure," Jasper asked and waited for me to get my plate and bottle to be taken to the trash and we walked together to the party.

**-xxXxx-**

Much later in the evening some of the guests had excused themselves and left after praising my mother's organizing skills. This had made Emmett bellow over the garden something about slavedriving, making everyone laugh heartily.

When I looked around the garden, I could see my parents dancing again, swaying to the music lightly. They still looked so much in love it made me feel privileged to have such parents. They were happy, happier now that I was better. I knew I was better.

Emmett and Rose had vanished somewhere, not very surprisingly. I knew Riley and Joseph had taken a few beers with them and went to the stable or somewhere else to get some privacy. Somehow it felt strange to know that myself and Jasper were the only...quasi-couple here that weren't going to hook up tonight.

As if he had heard my thoughts, I felt Jasper step close to me, his arm going around me from behind. I sighed contently.

"I think we should go walk Bella and I'm about ready to ditch the party." he said quietly and I nodded, but not before leaning my head back to his shoulder.

"Yeah, let's go." I agreed and took his hand, pulling him after me towards my parents.

"Mom and dad, we're going to take Bella for a walk and call it a night. See you in the morning?" I asked them and they merely smiled and nodded at us, both of their faces flushed from the alcohol consumed as they looked at our joined hands.

After some soft 'good nights' we walked to the guesthouse and let Bella out before turning to walk towards the more quiet part of the yard. Walking past the stables we seemed to agree on walking for a bit instead of just circling the yard.

"You do realize you're the only one of us not limping or hopping about?" I asked Jasper who smiled a bit, squeezing my hand.

"You do realized that it just adds more character to you both and I like it?" he countered my question and made me blush slightly.

We walked in silence, slowly so that Bella could keep up, and enjoyed the night and the easy way we were suddenly together like this. It was a perfect first date, given the situation. We hadn't been wrapped around each other all night mentally nor physically. This was the best date I had ever been on by far, as I hadn't felt an ounce of discomfort at any point.

Slowly we circled back and walked towards the guesthouse again. Bella walked with us, already anxious because of the puppies and once we got in, she went to 'count' them like she always did.

"Wonder if she could tell if we took one away?" I asked and Jasper nudged me with his elbow.

"Meanie." he just said and went to get two bottles of water from the fridge.

Neither of us was drunk but we both had a nice little buzz going on and I knew it made things easier and was the reason why everything was going so smoothly between us. The hand holding and hugging...natural steps but still not quite that easy for either of us.

So when I had downed half of my bottle of water and Jasper came to stand near me, I swallowed hard.

He took the water bottle from my hands and placed it on the table nearby next to his.

"I had a good time tonight..." he said in a tone that made me smile with its gentleness.

"Me too, I think, given how we are, this was the perfect first date." I said with an equally hushed and soft voice.

"Hmm...not quite." Jasper said and I looked at him, frowning a bit before I could hide it.

"Oh?" I asked, not sure if I should have been offended or not.

"Nope, not perfect...yet." he said and suddenly I knew.

The light grip he had on my hip got a bit firmer and his other hand moved to my shoulder and to cup my cheek gently.

"You looked so lovely tonight...I wish..." he drifted off and I just nodded.

"I know...I wish we were there already too." I said and he smiled.

"May I kiss you?" he asked in an almost inaudible whisper and I nodded, my stomach filling with butterflies.

I had my hands on his hips but I moved my left hand up to his chest until I could feel the skin where his buttons were open.

It felt like slow motion; Jasper dipping his head closer to me and looking at me with no hesitance, just emotions that were pure, what ever they were.

I could feel his breath on my lips as my eyes fluttered closed and I raised my chin enough for our lips to meet. It was...everything I had dreamed.

Starting so chastely, the kiss was sweet and innocent until I parted my lips instinctively to lick his bottom lip lightly. I smiled inwardly when his lips parted and I could deepen the kiss like I wanted. Jasper was giving me the power to control the kiss and I appreciated it.

It never got heated, just passionate as we learned each others' tastes and let our lips and tongues mold together. There was the usual 'kissing a new person for the first time'-thing, of course, but we were both so comfortable that it didn't matter.

When he finally pulled back and looked at me in the dim light of the kitchen where we somehow still stood, his eyes were darker and I knew mine were too.

"Thank you for tonight, Edward." he said, lips slightly swollen from the kissing and looking so happy and relaxed it made me wonder if I had the same look on my own features.

"You're welcome, Jasper. Good night." I said, leaning to kiss him on his cheek before grabbing my bottle of water and going to my sofa-bed.

I fell asleep feeling slightly frustrated because my body was beginning to remember things I thought I had long forgotten and managed to push back. The most prominent emotion though? I felt loved.

**-xxXxx-**

**Carlisle's POV**

I woke up early, before Esme for once. It was easy for me to be up and functional with very little sleep and I rarely got hung over. My lovely wife did, though. I had taken a bottle of water and some ibuprofen to her bedside table before going outside to clean up the mess we had left behind only hours earlier.

Gradually the children began to appear to help me. We worked quietly, both for hangovers and to let the ones sleeping in do just that. Emmett and Rosalie were there first. I could tell by their glances that they had hit it off perfectly. I have to say I had been skeptical. My older son, that's how I saw Emmett, was someone slightly goofy but dedicated to his family and studies among the horses we had. He seemed to easy going that many people thought him to be the jock stereotype which was something he truly was not.

He might have looked the part but he was nothing like the stereotype. I think that's why everyone knew they'd fit together. Rosalie was a gorgeous blonde bombshell and she played the part perfectly. I had spoken with her the night before and even though she was undeniably feminine and ready to use her assets to her advantage, she was bright and had a good heart. It had amused me greatly how she had played the firemen around the party and how Emmett had stood in the sidelines and watched with the same amusement, already certain without a doubt that she wouldn't actually choose someone over him.

Riley had vanished with Joseph at some point and I couldn't blame him. To watch Edward's budding relationship with Jasper first hand when I knew Riley had been in love with my younger son for so long... No, there was no blame in him wanting to have fun outside the party with someone who clearly was attracted to him.

The almost hesitant happiness in my son's eyes when he was leaving to walk the dog early in the morning with Jasper made me choke a bit still. I knew there was a tragedy in Jasper's past, I knew he had been married and lost his wife but that was all. I didn't know the details and I didn't want to know until he'd be ready to tell us. He was a fine man, that much I could tell, and I knew he'd treat my son like he deserved to be, cherished and respected.

With those thoughts I raised my head a bit from my task at hand and saw Jasper walking across the yard, dressed for work already. I smirked a bit.

"It seems like you don't have a hangover either?" I asked him as he came closer to see if we needed help.

"Nope, none whatsoever. I was going to go check on Calla if you don't need help here?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No, just go do your job, son. Hey I think there were some carrot sticks somewhere..." I looked around the long table and he spotted them first, grabbing the rest that wouldn't be edible after standing there on the table for the night. However I was certain, Calla wouldn't mind.

"Thanks," Jasper smiled and walked away again, circling to the other side of the house where Calla's new paddock was.

I had to say I was impressed with his progress. It was like he could read both Calla and Edward perfectly and worked with such subtlety it was admirable. I knew Edward had been seeing Calla and it made my heart swell with happiness. Who would have known that Esme's last plea, as she had told me Jasper was her last resort, would actually work?

It was maybe twenty minutes later when Edward emerged from the guesthouse with Bella. They walked leisurely, completely in synch with each other's disability, around the yard and Edward smiled at me in passing. He looked so happy it made my eyes water again. Yes, I'm a bit of a softy sometimes, especially when it comes to my family.

They were walking towards Calla's paddock when it happened.

A car drove down the driveway, one of the neighbors. I could see the panic in the dog's body language before she bolted. The car was between her and the guesthouse so she ran to the first possible direction, behind the house towards Calla's paddock.

The next seconds slowed down. I heard the neigh of a scared horse, a strangled cry I knew instantly to be Jasper, and then saw Edward running as fast as he could from behind the house.

When I got around the corner, without realizing I had moved at all, I could see Jasper laying down on the ground inside paddock and Calla standing in the back corner, looking agitated and scared.

And then my eyes caught Edward. He stood there, looking at the scene in front of him, and then fainted.

The whole family, Esme included, was suddenly there with me. The girls called 911 and took care of Edward. Riley got Bella inside and Emmett and I went inside the paddock.

"Just go, go calm her down." I told Emmett, who froze after seeing the blood seeping from Jasper's hairline.

Emmett snapped out of it and walked calmly to the horse, humming softly something that caught her attention. Since Emmett wouldn't go too close, I knew I was safer now to check on Jasper. I was not in any real danger unless Calla was startled again.

Jasper was unconscious. It looked like he had fallen and hit his head on a rock. His ankle looked to be in a bad position and I knew he had torn something, if not broken it. I gave the information to the paramedics who I knew by chance and when they took Jasper away, Emmett went with them.

The other ambulance startled me and I looked around.

That's when I realized Edward hadn't woken up yet. Suddenly my heart felt very cold.

**-xxXxx-**

**A/N:** I know it's a cliffie. I know I'm being a bitch especially when I can't promise you next chapter for next week. Sorry.

I also hope you understand why the last bit of the chapter had to be from Carlisle's point of view.

I'll try to add the songs played in this chapter to the blog which you can still find via my profile.

Please, read and review, loves. I need those reviews so badly right now.

I'm not usually a review-h00r, but right now, please?


	11. Lemony Snicket

**Disclaimer:** Still not mine, I'm not a doc, shrink or a vet either. Oh and all I own are the story and a brand new iPhone. Yay.

Thank you for my darling beta mycrookedsmile.

You rock, bb.

-xxXxx-

Brand New Start

Chapter 11

Jasper's POV

I woke up, but opening my eyes seemed like a bad idea as the lights were too bright even through my lids. My head felt all sorts of wonky and for a moment I thought that this was the worst hangover ever.

Then the pain in my ankle kicked into gear and even in my just awakened state I knew it had nothing to do with alcohol. My eyes flew open, startled and confused and I looked around in the blinding lights.

"Oww...fuck..."

"Sorry, son. I'll cut the lights," came a familiar voice. Carlisle?

"What the..." I mumbled, holding my arm over my eyes and tried to remember _something_ that would make more sense of this.

"Okay, now try looking around," Carlisle asked and I blinked carefully, still shielding my eyes with my hand.

Hospital? I was in a hospital...?

"Do you remember or do you need a recap?" he chuckled a bit at my expression, but I could tell that there was something wrong by the way he sounded.

"Wait a sec... Okay... Esme's party..." I started, recapping things in my head.

The kiss...damn it was one fine kiss and it had taken me a while to calm down afterwards. My bed had felt so lonely...

To stop that train of thought I spoke again, "Woke up in the morning, talked to Edward...then I went outside and saw you... I was going to see Calla?" I asked Carlisle who nodded.

"From my point of view, you walked to the back after taking the rest of the carrot sticks for the mare. Edward walked through the yard with Bella not long after you. I don't know if they were going to see you and Calla, but when they were midway across the yard, one of the neighbors drove to the yard and Bella panicked," Carlisle said and took a deep breath.

"She bolted towards the paddock and Edward ran after her. I suppose Calla got spooked by the dog and she caused you to fall. And you happened to fall over a rock..." he said and I winced.

"Oh...explains the headache..." I said. "The ankle? How bad is it?"

"It's just badly bruised and twisted; I think Calla's hoof might have caught your ankle by the shape of the bruise. Nothing is broken though, a week or two and you should be as good as new. Your head...severe concussion and you were out of it for twelve hours. Then they decided to keep you under for another twelve just in case. It should be okay soon enough..." he said and I could tell there was something more to this.

"Carlisle?" I asked and he fidgeted, something I had never seen Dr. Carlisle Cullen do. He was always so calm and collected. The only times he was anywhere near nervous were when he was worried about Edw... "Carlisle, what's wrong with Edward?" I asked, panic suddenly hitting me full force.

Edward had ran to the back and seen me?

"He saw you on the ground. Your head was bleeding and...it looked really bad, Jasper. When I got there, I saw Edward frozen on the spot and then he just collapsed." Carlisle rubbed his neck anxiously. "It's been twenty-four hours and he hasn't woken up yet."

"No, no, no..." it sounded like my voice but somehow strangled and weird and I realized there were tears on my cheeks. "I need to see him, Carlisle. Now," I said and looked at him through my tears.

I couldn't lose him now. He couldn't end up in a coma for who knows how long and rever back to the shadow of himself that he'd been when I came to the ranch.

Edward's POV

It was just like the first time.

Darkness that seemed to go on and on in every direction. I couldn't move or turn my head or even open my eyes, but I could feel the darkness around me.

Luckily there were no thoughts either.

I just _was_ there, in the darkness.

And then something started to change.

Snippets of words that made very little sense. Some of them were familiar, I could tell my mother was there, just like the first time. But, just like back then, I could only hear her and know it was her. All emotions evaded me; there was no will to see what she wanted. I didn't even think about pulling through to get back to her. I think that's what she was saying.

My dad was there. Emmett too. Just like before.

And then, after what seemed like an eternity, I finally felt something.

It was like a spark had flown through the darkness. Somehow I knew it started from my hand, though I had no idea where my hand was or even if I really had a hand...

"_...Edward... Wake up darlin'. Please..."_

I didn't recognize the voice though I was sure I had heard it before.

There were more sparks, I felt them somehow, like some weird sort of electricity. I wondered why I felt drawn to it, when static electricity was something I hated.

Wait? How did I know that?

"_Edward I can't lose you. I need you and you need me and I'm here, I'm okay darlin'..."_

I heard him better now.

"_Jasper, you should be in your own bed and not here."_ The voice didn't belong to him or anyone I knew.

"_I know. But I'm not leavin' him. Not until he wakes up."_ The voice was determined, strong and yet so full of something I didn't have words for.

I tried to think about what was being said.

Then the name popped in to my mind again, Jasper. It was Jasper who was talking to me. My Jasper.

But, but I had seen him on the ground! I had seen him after... I...I... The neigh and cry and the awful thud...

"_What's happening? Why is his heartbeat so fast?"_

"_Move away Mr. Whitlock, let me take a look."_

"_No! I'm not leaving the room!"_

"_Fine,"_ the tone was somehow annoyed and resigned.

I saw something, more light; the person was checking my eyes with a flashlight and suddenly I felt my body come to life again.

I gasped for air and this time there was nothing down my throat, I knew I had been breathing on my own. That's what it meant. Everything was making sense again, the darkness wasn't there but I didn't care.

Frantically I was looking for the one thing that mattered to me.

"It's okay, Edward, I'm here, I'm not goin' anywhere, I'm here..."

The doctor stepped aside and I saw Jasper, tears streaming down his face.

"Jas..." I croaked and then he was holding me tightly, leaning as far out of his wheelchair as he could to reach me.

I don't know how I could do it this fast, how I could be back in my real self instead of the unconscious vegetable I had been before and apparently just now as well. Somehow I just was there, in the land of the living again and I held on to Jasper.

Wait...wheelchair?

"Jasper, wheelchair?" I managed, before a nurse was there with a glass of water that I gulped down, making sure that I had one hand in Jasper's all the time.

"Oh, well, my ankle is twisted, and I have a severe concussion and whatnot...they insisted." He shrugged and I frowned at him.

"Don't you even start, darlin'..." he muttered and I had to grin at him.

Okay, I could let this slide, this once, "Fine. Just...I want to be in the same room with you if they're keeping us here still and I think the doc there is going to need to check my vitals and whatnot... I mean, I know how this is. Been there, remember?"

"Why do you think I'm here, Edward...I couldn't let you get like that again... Your dad told me you had just dropped and I knew..." he said quietly and there were tears welling in his eyes.

"I know, Jasper...I'm sorry..." I said, knowing very well that I was tearing up too.

"Hey, none of this, okay? It was nobody's fault. Just a series of unfortunate events," Jasper said sternly and wiped his eyes hastily.

"You're going all Lemony Snicket on me now?" I managed to smirk before Jasper wheeled himself away from the bed, chuckling softly, probably because he was still trying to hide his emotions.

I went along with the examinations and little tests they did to make sure I was really back and functioning and whatnot.

We had different doctors who needed to consult each other to decide how long they'd keep us there, but my dad told them we'd be better off at home, with an in-house doctor there 24/7. Dad had two days off work for once, and he was fully prepared to babysit us at home.

"Alright, I can release you to the custody of Dr Cullen, but it will be at your own risk, even though I don't think there is much of a risk there. It has to be said and you have to sign some paperwork." Jasper's doctor was speaking with him outside in the hall.

The door was left ajar so that I could hear them, I knew that Jasper had done it on purpose. The thought made me smile. He was including me in little ways, telling me that he wasn't leaving me. Frankly that was the best thing he could have done. I think I passed out and stayed that way because I thought I had lost him.

Finding someone and connecting on this level was...insane. I felt grateful and in awe and then suddenly everything was undone before my eyes. No wonder my mind went blank and my body followed suit.

Jasper wanted me. I wanted him. All we needed now was patience and control to not go too fast. Little did I know...it would turn out that my mother had thought about it too.

-xxXxx-

Jasper's POV

I was laying in the bed that Emmett and Riley had carried to the living room of the main house. It was a double bed; and the couches had to be moved to the front of the room a bit. With the piano crammed to the back wall so that it was under the window; the bed fit in the room but barely.

Now I lay there, listening to the piano behind my head and smiled a bit.

"Hey pianoman, do you take requests?" I asked, turning my head towards him.

Edward nodded through swaying while he played some classical piece I didn't recognize. He was smiling in the dreamy way he often smiled did while playing. I loved to watch him get lost in the music; he was so beautiful with his eyes closed, that smile on his lips as his fingers moved effortlessly over the keys.

He was given the liberty of getting out of the bed and walking around a bit and playing the piano. I wasn't. I was allowed to hop to the bathroom and back and to the couch when I wanted. That was it.

Carlisle had been strict with his rules. No going anywhere; I would be staying put for three days, one for Edward. We'd sleep here, next to each other in the living room in the bed just big enough for us both, but under watchful eye, one more night.

Yeah...it wasn't very easy for either of us. We laid there after everyone else went to sleep, afraid to touch each other but talking quietly until one of us fell asleep. I had woken up both mornings with Edward's arm draped across my chest with his head on my shoulder.

We had become more close with the proximity and the chatting. Talking about everything and anything with Edward was amazing. The subjects varied from heavy ones, like what he wanted out of life now that he was getting it back, to lighter ones like how he wanted to go to the movies as he hadn't been to see one in a long time. I think we got to know each other better through the questions asked and answered than we had through the time we'd spent together so far.

I think it was good that we were under supervision and Esme's nightly 'oh I needed a glass of water' trips downstairs. After the party, the kissing, the need for each other was there more than ever. We hadn't kissed once after the hospital.

I think Esme did that on purpose after she saw us together in the hospital. Needing to touch each other constantly was probably the best sign for her to know how much the accident had freaked both me and Edward out. We had just found each other and after what we both had been through before, we knew how fickle life was.

Almost on cue I heard the front door open and looked over my shoulder at Edward.

"_Warwick Avenue_?" I whispered and he grinned, beginning to play the song.

Esme walked into the room and looked at us with a big smile on her lips.

"Afternoon, boys. What a lovely song choice..." she said and narrowed her eyes at Edward who nodded towards me.

"Yeah, my idea," I admitted, trying to look sheepish but Esme giggled softly.

"What do you want now?" she asked, shaking her head and making her curls bounce with the movement.

"Well Edward was thinking," I began, and there was a loud snort from Edward, "that he wanted some muffins today." I finished what I was saying.

"Oh, did he now?" Esme narrowed her eyes at me playfully.

"Mhmm, I think he said 'I love mom's homemade blueberry muffins,'" I said, smirking, and Edward chuckled.

"Now I know you're lying young man," Esme shook her pointed finger towards me, "my Edward likes chocolate chip muffins more," she said in a little huff and turned around to stomp to the kitchen.

I could tell her shoulders were shaking from suppressed laughter.

"She's awesome, isn't she?" I asked Edward who just nodded, humming along with the song.

Fifteen minutes later Riley walked in to the living room.

"How's Bella?" Edward asked.

Since the accident, when he had caught Bella and taken her to the guesthouse, Riley had lived there. Taking care of the dog and the puppies for Edward seemed to calm Riley down. He'd been a mess when we got home from the hospital—the fear in his eyes, the way he fidgeted. I didn't think he had that kind of insecurity in him, even in light of his past experiences with Edward.

"She's fine, I think you should come and see her though, she seems to miss you," Riley said and frowned a bit. He was doing his best but Bella thought Edward was 'her human' and was a bit restless without him around.

"I'll stop by after dinner then," Edward said and finished the song he was playing before getting up and looking out of the window while doing so.

"How's Calla?" he asked and looked at the mare that was inside her paddock.

"Em has been taking her food to her. She seems fine but insecure. I went there this morning and she came closer but ran away when I shifted my weight towards her." Riley sighed.

"Did the woman find her purse?" I asked dryly.

"Oh yes she did and she keeps calling me every day to make sure you two are still okay," Carlisle's dry tone said from the doorway of his study.

The neighbor driving to the yard had been one of the ladies from the party. She had forgotten her purse and was coming to get it when Bella got scared and in turn spooked Calla who then shoved me and kicked my ankle while fleeing.

"Good, then she has no reason to come back," Edward said in a tone that surprised me as he sat down on the bed beside me.

"Edward..." Carlisle said in a tone that made even me shiver a bit, I got serious flashbacks of misbehaving as a teenager. It would have amused me if Edward hadn't been the one being scolded like that.

"What? She caused this all. A chain reaction which might have killed Jasper," Edward said in an aggressive tone that made me grasp his hand.

Carlisle looked at me in a 'you deal with this' kind of way, and he and Riley retreated from the living room in a not-so-subtle way.

"What?" Edward asked me sharply when I looked at him.

"It was a chain reaction. We talked about this already. Nobody's fault and I don't want you to feel like you can blame someone," I said softly, keeping my tone as calm as possible.

"But it was her fault! She drove to the yard unannounced and caused all of it to happen!" Edward pulled his hand from mine and got off the bed.

His body language was on the edge. I had somehow seen this coming. I knew the stages of these things, grief and in this case, shock so well. Edward hadn't gone through anger yet, not properly.

"So what you're saying is that everything happened because she came to get the purse? Or was it because she forgot the purse? Or...maybe it was because she was at the party. A party your mom organized. A tradition your mom has. Isn't it your mother's fault then? Or maybe your grandparents' because they made your mother?" I kept talking in a tone that was sharp and maybe slightly harsh.

Edward looked more and more angry with every sentence I said. When he was about to open his mouth, I looked at him with more anger than he was feeling.

"Don't you think I know everything about blaming someone? I blamed myself for years for owning a shotgun. I still do. Don't you ever let something like hatred and anger ruin what we have, because if you do blame that neighbor of yours, you're turning this, the fact that we are still here, into something negative!" I snapped at him and the emotions rushed through me so fast they made my head spin.

Suddenly I missed Alice, blamed myself for her death, for not hearing the car, not seeing the dog dashing around the corner, not being alert enough to have time to see Calla's body language change...

I pressed my face to my palms as the headache shot through me. I must have groaned because the next thing I registered was Carlisle sitting next to me on the bed, his fingers on my wrist to check my pulse, and Esme bringing me a glass of water.

"Take these, son," Carlisle said, handing me some pills.

I took them without a question and he smiled a bit.

"I know, don't get worked up, rest..." I said and made him chuckle.

"Good, now do as you just said. Dinner is in a few hours," he added and then left the room.

When I looked around, the room was quiet. Edward was nowhere to be seen and I sighed, hoping that this wouldn't send us backwards.

I woke up when someone sat next to me on the edge of the bed. A hand was brushing my hair off my forehead and made me smile a bit.

"Are you awake?" a familiar voice asked and I opened my eyes to look up, feeling a bit shocked.

"What am I doing here? Seriously, big brother?" Angie said and smiled at me.

I hadn't realized how much I missed my sister before she was actually there in the flesh and blood. I sat up a bit and wrapped my arms around her as she chuckled.

"Missed you too, Jas," she whispered to my ear and held me just as tightly as I was holding her.

"Esme called you, didn't she?" I asked her without letting go yet.

I felt her nod against my shoulder. Figured.

"I hope you're off work and didn't take time off for just a bump on my head..." I mumbled and she pulled back a bit.

"You know I would have, but no, I've done all I needed to do for the fall and I'm happily vacationing here in the lovely State of Kentucky for a while because I was invited by your future mother in law," she said, which made me shake my head a bit.

"Angie..." I warned her and she just giggled. So did Esme when she walked in to the room.

"Managed to surprise you, didn't we?" she asked, looking at us fondly, our arms around each other.

"Yes you did... Should have known you'd mommy me too." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Of course I would and your sister needed to know and make her own decision if she was coming or not. We have room, after all. You boys can move back to the guesthouse soon, so Angela will have Edward's room as long as she wants," Esme informed me. She added, "Dinner is in half an hour," before leaving the room again.

"They're wonderful, Jasper." Angie smiled and I knew how much she had wanted for us to have a family again. We had Alice's parents but as much as we loved them and they us, we still reminded them of Alice.

"Oh I know... Did you meet the boys yet?" I asked, avoiding her eyes.

"Emmett, yes. He showed me the stables. Edward was with Riley somewhere," she said and I let go of her to lean back to my pillows.

I must have sighed louder than I thought, because my sister climbed over me and came to lie down next to my side, her head on my shoulder like we used to lay when we were younger.

"Things will be okay, eventually. You'll both fuck up still, I'm sure of that. But one day you'll have your happily ever after with him, Jasper. Trust me. I have a good feeling about this," she said and then proceeded to tell me.

Peter was holding the front , though as I suspected, I now had one dog less. Refusing to add to my stress I promised myself I could grieve over that loss once I was back home and at his grave. Not before, not here and not because I had limited resources to deal with things.

When we were called to dinner, Angie acted as my crutch, naturally moving to my weaker side and I grinned at her a bit. I did love my sister, suddenly having her there felt like a relief. No matter that the Cullens had begun to feel like family to me, they were still the Cullens and I was the only Whitlock there. Well, I had been, as now there were two of us and she'd be there for me.

We sat down to have our dinner but I saw the empty chairs immediately. Edward and Riley weren't there. I tried not to let it affect myself. I didn't know what they were doing, or if Edward was mad at me too, or just plain mad at the world or what...

For the duration of the dinner I lost myself in the conversation; Esme was asking Angie questions about her job and Carlisle and Emmett wanted to know about my ranch. It was more like an ordinary dinner than anything else.

I felt his absence though. It was a constant companion to me, the feeling of his absence when he wasn't in the same room and now it was nagging at me. I knew he was in the guesthouse with Riley and the dogs, and it was slowly killing me, though I managed to hide it from the others.

After dinner we watched some TV and Emmett left early to drive to Riley and Rosie's aunt's place to meet Rose before she was due to head home to the West. Since Edward's bed was made for Angie and she was tired from traveling, she went upstairs before Carlisle and Esme.

"It will be okay, son," Carlisle told me after we had watched some movie and Edward still wasn't back.

"I know you two are meant to be. It might take time, but I know these things," Esme said. She patted my shoulder while she leaned down to kiss me on the cheek when she said goodnight.

If everyone was right, why did I feel like they were wrong? If everything would be fine and we were meant to be and eventually all would be well, why did it hurt so much when I finally fell asleep some time after midnight and Edward's side of the bed was still cold and empty?

-xxXxx-

**A/N:** This actually came out quite fast, faster than I thought. Interesting.

Anyway, I'm going to be guest-reccing on TwiSlash Unveiled in the very near future so keep your eyes on that blog.

Also, reviews are 3 and I'm taking requests for writing an outtake for this story so any ideas on that are welcome.

_**Aaand as a reminder:**_

The thread this story has on Twilighted has a link to it in my profile.

That's also true for the BNS-blog and my Twitter-account. :)

Just in case you're interested on those.


	12. On Higher Ground

**Disclaimer:** All things Twi belong to Stephenie Meyer.

This story belongs to me.

Still not a vet nor a shrink.

_Lots of love to my beta mycrookedsmile._

That sorta stuff.

Oh and read the A/N in the end, plz. ^^

_**Word of warning**, this chapter deals with horses a LOT, but has some very nice plot points in it,_

_so please keep reading even if you're not so much into the horse-aspect of this fic. :)_

-xxXxx-

**Brand New Start **

Chapter 12

JPOV

I woke up at the sound of the front door and glanced at the clock Esme had brought in for me. It sat on the mantle of the fireplace and the digital numbers shone in the darkness. Early, very early. But I could tell the sun would rise soon. My throat felt dry so I got up.

Then it came back to me. Sound of the front door? Edward still wasn't back. My heart sank. What if he was coming back but then decided not to and went back to...to Riley?

Whatever was happening, I needed a drink so I got up, carefully, and hopped to the kitchen. There was a window open and I could hear two people talking. Quietly I went to the fridge and took out a bottle of water. Then I stood in the dark kitchen and listened, as the voices were of the two people I loved most in this world.

"All I really want to know, Edward, is that why the hell do you act like a kid when you're what, twenty-one? Sure I know you're younger than Jasper but do you have to make it so obvious?" Angie hissed at him.

Before Edward could answer I heard her voice again.

"See, what I don't get is that he loves you more than he's willing to say and from what your mom told me I know you love him too. So even in the name of taking things slow, what the fuck, Edward? Taking things slow is one thing but sabotaging your own relationship and taking steps back is just fucked up!"

I gawked at the language she was using.

"Erm...should you be cussing so much?" Edward said in a soft tone, chuckling a bit.

"Oh shut up, kid," she snapped at him but I could hear from her tone that she wasn't mad.

"All I can say that I do love him. I'm planning on making things right and..." He sighed, and I could picture him running his fingers through his tousled hair.

He said something I couldn't hear and because it seemed like they'd be talking for a while longer I decided to hop back to bed before I could cause more swelling to my ankle.

I must have dozed off because when I woke up again it was light outside and Edward was beside me, asleep. For a moment I just watched him, thinking about how much he had come to mean for me in such a short time.

Reaching towards him, I moved a few stray strands of hair from his face. The simple touch made my heart stutter. I knew I was falling in love with him, and I was afraid. It reminded me of a song I had heard on the radio the previous day. I decided to check out what band it was as the song fit. A bit too well.

Edward stirred when I let my fingers slide down his cheek.

"Morning..." he muttered and smiled sleepily. He opened his green eyes and looked at me in an endearingly sleepy way for a few seconds before the reality hit in and he practically jumped up.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry Jasper!" The words flew out of his mouth at a frantic pace and I had to smile a bit at his expression of pure horror.

"Stop it, now," I said firmly and by some miracle he actually did.

"I...I just fell asleep and I was feeling miserable and he held me but I swear that's it Jasper..." the words were still pouring out of his mouth but more quietly now.

I reached my hand towards him again, placing my fingers over his lips to silence him.

"I was worried and hurt, I can't deny that. But it's okay now. You're here again and you just told me what happened so we're all good. I promise." I spoke calmly, making him feel the words so that they'd have an impact. I didn't want to dwell in this for too long.

Edward looked at me and then suddenly there were tears in his eyes. He shifted on the bed so that he could embrace me and then we settled back down. His head was on my chest as he sniffled quietly while I combed his hair with my fingers.

"I'm trying so hard to be an adult about this..." Edward spoke quietly, "but it's like...like I'm this stupid teenager who doesn't have a clue how to handle things..." he sounded so devastated that I had to tug at his hair to get him to look up at me.

"I'm making the assumption that I can call you my boyfriend?" I asked him and his eyes began to shine suddenly. "This is your first real relationship and from the way I see it, you get to be a bit immature. I can be a bit overwhelmed too, I haven't been in a relationship after my wife passed. This is sort of new for me too. So can we just agree to stumble through this together?"

Without saying a word he moved on the bed so that he was still beside me but hovering over me.

"Yes," he said breathlessly and then kissed me in earnest, taking my breath away too.

The kiss was possessive, he was claiming me and I didn't mind in the least. For a moment we kissed like that until we heard the clearing of a throat from the doorway.

Blushing deeply, Edward pulled away a bit and then suddenly the bed jostled as my sister jumped on, barely avoiding my ankle.

"I'm so glad you two are okay," she said and pulled Edward and me into an awkward group hug.

"Believe me, so are we..." I murmured as she pulled away and I could see the tears of joy in her eyes.

For a while I lay there in the middle of the bed, which was barely wide enough for two, with both my boyfriend and my sister either side of me. Their heads were on my shoulders, their hair almost touching in the middle of my chest. I felt peaceful.

"What did you two talk about this morning?" I asked suddenly and both of them froze.

"Erm...nothing?" Edward tried.

"Yeah...it was...just a..." Angie mumbled.

"A friendly conversation?" Edward concluded and made me chuckle.

I decided to let it go. They were clearly civil again, after all.

We laid there for a while until Esme came downstairs and Angie went to make breakfast with her.

The whole family, including Riley and Rosalie, gathered in the garden in the afternoon. I sat in a deck chair that let me keep my leg elevated under the shade of a huge umbrella. The others were playing croquet around the lawn. It was fun to watch them and every now and then one of them came to chat with me which was nice.

About half way through the game Edward gave up because he was losing to the others and came to me, plopping to sit down on my lap. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed me softly.

"What was that for?" I asked, smiling at him because he hadn't been this open before.

"Well...I realized something last night and this morning while talking to Angie," he said nonchalantly but didn't elaborate.

I waited for a while, waiting patiently until I had to ask, "What? Spill it you tease." I poked his side, feeling his ribs clearly under my fingers. He wasn't that skinny anymore but he still had a long way to go.

When Edward turned his head towards me, there was a hint of hesitation in his eyes. Then he took a deep breath and said, "IthinkI'mfallinginlovewithyou."

I blinked once before breaking into a grin.

"Good. Because I'm falling in love with you too," I said, slowly, both to make my point and to tease him about his way of saying it.

He ducked his head and buried his face into my neck but I could feel his lips turn as he smiled. Then he inhaled my scent from my neck and sighed contently.

We sat there in silence, enjoying each other's company and watching the rest of the family have fun together. His family was mixing with mine so well it made me feel happier than I had been in a long time.

-xxXxx-

It took two weeks before I was deemed healthy enough to walk around. During those two weeks I pretty much started over with Calla. We worked on getting her used to Bella and Bella used to cars. Edward and I also took time to sit in the garden with Bella and the puppies. It was nice, we talked a lot while the little ones first crawled and then bounced around us and Edward had to catch them every now and then when they tried to go too far.

I did all the physical therapy exercises with Bella who had gotten used to it and was actually enjoying the attention now.

Rosalie had had to fly back home and Emmett was moping. Luckily he had his hands full with his studies and the foals; we'd decided to school the foals from early on in every possible sort of handling and situation. I advised him and Riley, who had stayed on the farm with the foals, and felt annoyed that I couldn't do anything concrete.

Every time I tried to do more than the good doctor had given me permission to do, I got scolded by either Esme, Edward or Carlisle. It was for the best, of course, but I did get stir crazy from not being able to do my job for a few days and now it was two weeks!

When my ankle was okay, we had both made some progress, Edward and I. I was healthy again, more or less, and Edward was able to go visit Calla when ever he wanted to, and he wanted to a lot. It was often when he 'disappeared' that we'd find him near Calla's paddock. He even went inside and in two weeks the mare let him brush her and undo the knots from her mane and tail too.

Edward was ecstatic though he tried not to show it. Then one day, I was sitting inside the paddock, Calla was standing in the middle, half asleep in the shadow that the trees on the other side cast. I had the guitar on my lap and I played it idly, humming along and just enjoying the peace and quiet.

Edward walked to us from the house and I smiled at him. I could see he was thinking hard and decided to ignore it until he would talk to me. Sometimes it was easiest to just let him come to me instead of asking about things he wasn't ready to talk about.

Calla let out a sound to let Edward know she was pleased and that made him smile a bit more. Instead of going to the mare he walked to me instead. He sat next to me and kissed me before leaning his head to my shoulder.

"Jasper...I've been thinking..." he started and then stopped, seeming to think about how to phrase his thoughts. "I know she's not ready but...I think I'd like to try to get on a horse again," he breathed out and my fingers stilled on the guitar for a moment.

"Okay...I think all of your other horses would be fine for that. Well maybe not Clara but the geldings for sure," I added. Clara had been a bit restless and the foals bouncing around her wouldn't help to make the situation any more calm.

"Yeah...I was thinking about that too," he agreed and we sat there in silence for a while again. My hands rested on the guitar as I waited for Edward to speak again.

We were comfortable around each other. We even slept in the same bed in the guesthouse and Riley had taken Edward's room for now. Having Edward lean on me physically like this felt good; it was almost like a piece of me was attached to me again, whereas when he wasn't by my side it felt like the piece was missing.

Kissing was the only thing we'd done, intimacy-wise. It wasn't easy, we both felt like we wanted and needed more; somehow we were holding back which was probably a good thing.

"Hey...how about..." I started when Edward didn't seem to be able to put his thoughts into words, "we'd take Storm and ride together? That way you wouldn't have to do it alone," I reasoned and he was quiet for a moment longer before nodding.

"I think I'd like that."

"Now he's a huge ass horse but he's probably the safest bet and you've been on a horse enough to know it has nothing to do with the size of the horse," I said.

Edward began to chuckle and I looked at him quizzically. "What?"

"So what you're saying is that size doesn't matter?" he managed to get out between guffawing at me.

"Seriously? You're _seriously_ using that line?" I said and laughed out loud, teasing him of course. It was too good to not be said out loud, after all.

After the laughter died down I looked pointedly at him.

"You'll learn soon enough..." I said in a slightly seductive tone and his eyes widened.

"Oh?" he asked a bit huskily.

"Mhmm...see, they do say it's not about the size but how you use what you've got, right?" I nearly purred at him and he swallowed hard after nodding.

This was way too easy...not that it was only him this talk was affecting.

"Let's just say I'm _very_ good at using what I have and I haven't felt conscious about size yet." I smirked and then got up quite smoothly, considering that I had a slightly sore ankle and a semi hard-on in my jeans.

Edward sat on the grass and swallowed again, even closed his eyes before he shot me a dirty look.

"You're _mean,_" he hissed but I could see his eyes twinkling with mirth.

"Might be..." I shrugged as I walked with the guitar towards the paddock gate.

The next day we went to the stable together. We were the only ones at the house; Edward's parents were at their respective jobs and Emmett and Riley had gone to the city.

We were looking at the saddles and the bridles in the tack room. Edward swallowed nervously beside me.

"I'll take Storm to the field and ride for a while to get a feel of him and then you can decide if you want to ride too, okay?" I asked him and he nodded quietly.

I was opting to not take a saddle. I was fairly certain that I didn't need it anyway. Besides if Edward would join me then it was easier to ride together without the saddle.

Taking Storm's bridle from the hook on the wall, I chuckled lightly.

"What?" Edward asked, looking at me with a small smile on his lips.

"I haven't seen a bridle this big in...years. In fact I think Storm is the second largest horse I've ever seen and will be the tallest I've ever ridden," I explained and nodded towards the helmets and back protectors. "Take those with you for yourself in case you decide to get on the horse. I won't need them," I said and Edward frowned a bit.

"I know," I said, raising a hand up, "but I'm not going to change how I do things. It makes me less relaxed and that's the last thing I need." I reasoned with him and he just nodded.

For a moment he looked around the little tack room and then spotted his own gear on a shelf. They were dusty and Edward looked slightly moved by it all.

"Haven't needed them in a while, eh?" I asked and he glanced at me with a sad smile.

"Nope... And I think I need to get a new back protector... I might have to use someone else's for today," he pointed out and I nodded. His was clearly too loose around him and as it was fitted to his former body type, it wouldn't be very safe on him now.

"I'll go get Storm from his paddock, meet you at the field?"

Edward nodded and began to rummage around for his 'just in case' back protector. I never used one but I knew it was a safety thing for Edward and not just physically. He was used to wearing one and in a situation like this it would be best to have one on.

That was _if_ he'd get on the horse with me.

I had asked Emmett if I could borrow his horse today and asked that he'd keep it under the wraps too. He had agreed on both counts, and it was clear that he wanted to ask more but didn't. I was glad. Edward didn't need any further pressure and he'd have felt it if he knew that anyone else but I knew he was even considering this kind of thing.

Walking towards Storm's paddock I thought about the call from Peter the other day. He was taking care of everything and editing his next book. The horses were fine, which was good news. Angela had gone home and since she had a bit more time in her hands now that she was on her holiday, she had actually gone to the farm to help Peter out.

When I got the reports of Ben joining them there I grinned. So it was serious with Ben now... My sister had never brought any of her boyfriends to the farm before. I had only met Ben once, fleetingly, but he seemed like a nice guy. He balanced Angela and was clearly in love with her, at least that's what I gathered from Peter's words.

He was like a brother to me and Angie and he was protective of her. If Ben had seemed somehow 'wrong' I'd know by now. I was sure Peter had grilled the poor man quite a bit...

When I got to the paddock, Storm looked at me quizzically.

"Yeah, it's not Em who's taking you out today," I told the gelding who walked to me. I took a brush from where Emmett had left it on top of one of the fence posts and brushed most of the dust off the massive animal.

I kept speaking to Storm as I brushed him down and then put the bridle on him. It was almost funny how he lowered his head for me. When we were ready to go and I was just getting his mane organized so that the bridle would rest nicely behind Storm's ears, I heard Edward's steps approaching us.

"Nice timing, can you open the gate for us?" I asked and he nodded, placing the helmet on the ground. The back protector was already on him, probably because it was easier to carry that way.

We passed through the gate and I smiled at Edward.

"How does it feel?" I asked, nodding towards his chest.

"Wrong...because it doesn't fit completely. But sort of good too...I've missed this," he said and smiled. The insecurity was there of course, I wasn't expecting for it to just vanish magically, but he was clearly feeling more brave.

Stopping next to the fence I told Storm to stay still.

"Okay then...Emmett said that he just gets up there from the fence... Damn this is going to take some acrobatics..." I muttered and Edward laughed a bit.

"Mr. Cowboy Man...seriously? Shouldn't you be able to will yourself up there?" he asked in a teasing tone that made me glare at him playfully.

"Hey, my horses are slightly smaller than this giant and I usually have a saddle too. Stirrups and all that, you know?" I said as he came to hold on to the bridle.

It was a reflex, I was sure Storm wasn't going anywhere unless I said so. It was almost funny that the gelding seemed to be half asleep, but I had seen Emmett ride him and the whole horse transformed immediately when someone asked him to do something.

So I climbed on top of the fence and swung my leg over Storm's back. It was interesting that he wasn't as wide as I would have thought, but then again shire horses weren't that wide, just tall as hell. There were other, smaller draft horses that were wider and I was more used to those. Shires and clydesdales were often lighter in build.

When I was safely on top of the world..erm, horse, I looked around for a bit.

"Damn this is a tall animal..." I said in awe.

"Yeah you'd think a horse is a horse but I remember being on Storm for the first time." Edward chuckled and began to walk towards the field they used for riding. I took the reigns and shifted my weight just a bit.

It was enough to make Storm perk up a bit and he began to walk after Edward. It was nice to be on a horse, I hadn't been since I got here which seemed odd since I had been at the Cullen farm for a while now. Over a month maybe? Again I wasn't sure. It wasn't important.

For a warm up I let Storm walk along the edges of the large field with free reigns. I was doing my own warm up on horseback. Rolling my shoulders and stretching my back and arms I must have looked a bit funny as I heard Edward chuckle at me.

"What? Seriously? I'm an old man, give me a break," I said and encouraged Storm to trot a bit. It was tricky to keep my balance for a short moment because his trot was so different from my horses' steps.

I chuckled when I caught my balance after swaying a bit and shook my head. Shifting my weight to the right I encouraged Storm to turn towards Edward. We weren't far away and when he trotted to him and stopped next to him smoothly, Edward was grinning.

"I'll go a few rounds, some galloping too and then you can decide if you want to join me, okay?" I asked; he smiled and looked a bit cheeky for a moment.

"What now?" I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Oh...was just thinking that you do look amazing on horseback...for an old guy I mean..." he said and ducked his head when I tried to kick him.

"Oi, no mocking us older gentlemen..." I said and patted Storm on the side of his neck. "Let's go boy, show the kid what we can do..." I mumbled and pressed my heels to the horse's sides.

I always enjoyed riding new horses. The Figuring out how each particular horse should be ridden was always fascinating for me. I rode other people's horses often, and each and every one of them was different.

Storm was reliable and a very enthusiastic for a horse his age. As soon as I began to tighten the reigns a bit and sat up a bit, he began to listen to me. The slow, leisurely trotting turned in to faster trot and when I leaned forward just a little bit, he knew what I was asking and began to gallop gently.

It was like sitting on an oversized rocking horse. The way these big horses moved was interesting, as their steps were so much longer than a smaller horse's. People with no knowledge of horses just thought horses were all the same. They were wrong. If you walk between a ten year old and a six foot seven man, your pace won't be the same as either of them. It was just the same with horses, their anatomy dictated how they moved.

When I leaned forward even more, squeezing with my calves just a bit, Storm neighed softly and began to race in earnest. The speed felt different on him because of his height and longer steps. It was exhilarating anyway.

The wind whipping around me made my eyes water and caused a huge smile to spread on my lips. It felt like flying, like freedom. For a moment I wished Edward could have this again, with Calla.

When I sat straighter, Storm began to slow down naturally and I guided him back towards Edward.

"He's a magnificent horse, isn't he?" Edward asked me as soon as we were back.

"Yes he is. I only have to think about something and he does it. He's amazing. And surprisingly fast and agile for a horse his size," I said and patted the horse, giving him free reigns again so he could stretch his neck a bit.

"So..." Edward said and looked up to me.

I didn't need to say anything, really. Instead I just raised a brow questioningly and he swallowed once before he nodded determinedly.

He put the helmet on and fastened it under his chin before looking around.

"That boulder there?" he asked and pointed to the edge of the forest.

"Sure, just go and hop up and I'll help you up here," I said and he smiled.

It was easy to get Edward to sit behind me. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and I could feel his frantic, nervous heartbeat against my back through our shirts.

"Ready?" I asked and felt him nod.

I guided Storm towards the edge of the forest to a path that Edward pointed out. Even the horse seemed different now. He was walking very carefully, as if not to jostle us in any way.

We didn't speak, just listened to the birds around us and the soft steps of the horse we were riding.

"You realize you're on a horse, right?" I asked after a while, making Edward let out a huff and a little chuckle.

"Yeah..I suppose I am. Wow..." he managed to say and I grinned a bit.

"I'm glad."

"Me too. Thanks, Jasper" he said and squeezed me a bit.

I felt him press a kiss between my shoulder blades and I placed a hand over his for a moment.

"Hey you know, now that I can apparently sit on a horse..." he began, and even though it was an optimistic way to put things, I didn't correct him.

"Yes?" I asked, hearing from his tone that he had an idea of some sorts.

"What about going camping? You could take dad's horse and I could take Storm. There's this camping spot in the forest on that hill," he pointed a finger towards a little hill in the distance. "It's on private land so we could go there and be alone together," he said and I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Doesn't sound bad at all..." I grinned and we continued our journey around the edge of the forest before turning back to follow another path in the forest to get back towards the farm.

Camping, sleeping in a tent with Edward...it seemed like a good idea to me. A very good idea indeed...

When we got to the yard, Carlisle was just getting home from his shift. I swear he nearly swerved and hit a tree...

"It's okay, just your dad," I murmured over my shoulder to Edward, who had tensed against my back.

He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly to calm himself as Carlisle got out of the car and walked to us.

"Need help getting down, son?" he just asked, though his eyes betrayed the joy he was feeling.

"Hmm...actually yeah. Might be a good idea," Edward said and I looked around.

"Let's go to the edge of the stairs at least," I said and Storm moved almost on his own accord to the main house's stairs that were highest.

Carlisle went to stand next to the horse on the stairs and made sure Edward got down safely.

Using the situation to his advantage, Carlisle enveloped his son in a hug and Edward looked at me over his father's shoulder like he was being tortured.

"Oh come on, this is huge. Besides at least it wasn't your mom that caught us red handed." I snorted and made Carlisle chuckle.

"Jasper has a point there, son." He patted Edward's back and then frowned.

"If you're going to be riding more, we need to get you a better back protector..." he muttered and Edward laughed a bit.

"Yes, dad. I know," he just said and walked after me and Storm towards the stable.

When we reached the stable doors, I very carefully got down.

"Geez, that felt like my feet would never hit the ground..." I said in awe, making Edward laugh again.

He laughed a lot these days. It was something that told me more than the weight he had gained or the fact that he had just ridden a horse. He was healing, properly healing, on the inside too.

"Oh shut up..." I smirked at him as he was removing his protective gear.

"Hey you can give the bridle to me, I'll take it to the tack room. You can take Storm back to the paddock without it. He lets you walk him by his mane," Edward said.

"What a clever lad you are..." I patted the massive horse who seemed to enjoy the compliment.

I pulled the bridle off him and handed it to Edward who went to put them away. Storm knew where we were going so I walked with him, my fingers loosely around a strand of his mane, to the paddock.

Before letting him be, I took a piece of dried bread from my pocket and gave it to him.

"Thanks for being such a good boy and making a difference for Edward," I spoke to the gelding while rubbing him behind his ears.

When I closed the gate and turned around, I was barreled into by an enthusiastic Edward.

"Oh my god Jasper! I really rode a horse, didn't I?!" he exclaimed, hugging me so tightly I swear my ribs made a sound.

"Yes you really did, love," I murmured into his hair and waited for the buzz to wear off.

It did, eventually. When his mother got back from work and the guys came home from the city, Edward told them himself. I was proud of him for not trying to make it something that wasn't as huge a deal as it was.

We had talked a lot about it, how he downsized his victories. The day when he went and brushed Calla first time in so many months he'd tried to make it sound like there was nothing to it.

So this, letting his mother fawn over him and talking about the experience with the guys, it was a huge leap forward. He didn't try to hide things from me either. He talked more and more, trying to make sense of his emotions, and mine, before they got to be a huge deal that could damage us.

-xxXxx-

A couple of days later we decided to try that camping trip. It would take us about an hour to get there by horseback with the speed Edward was ready to ride. I had already gone there with Emmett the day before to make sure the campsite was okay and that there was enough grass there for the horses so we wouldn't have to bring anything for them to eat.

The place was lovely. It was more like a little meadow on a hill, surrounded by trees and completely private. Emmett had explained that the land belonged to an elderly couple who had given the rights to use it to the Cullens because they had no use for it anymore. So years ago the Cullens had built a little fence for the horses here, so that they could graze freely while the humans would do their 'camping stuff' like Emmett said.

"Do you use this place often?" I asked as we were clearing the campsite for the tent.

"We used to do a bit of camping when we were younger, Eddie and I, I mean. But then the accident happened and even before that we hardly had time with Edward competing and stuff. So not recently, that's why I suggested we come and check the fence," he said, nodding towards the horses we had left inside the little paddock.

"This is an amazing place. I mean to have this for yourself..." I gestured around the place. There were wild flowers growing here and there on the meadow. It was perfect, really.

Emmett went to check on the fire pit. It had been dug on the ground and surrounded with natural stones. There were a few logs around it for benches.

"Do you go camping back home?" Em asked me while reorganizing some of the stones that had gotten loose.

"Not really...well not like this at least. I tend to work with the horses at home so there's no real reason to go camping. Besides it wouldn't be much fun alone anyway." I smiled a bit sadly I suppose. "I did do some camping with my wife though, when we first got married. It was nice and peaceful," I said, walking closer to Emmett.

"Yeah this is a peaceful place too. I'm kinda glad you and Eddie get to come here. I wish I could take Rose here the next time she comes over." he said with a slightly dreamy expression.

"You really fell in love with her, didn't you?" I was smiling when I asked that.

"Aren't we a couple of suckers, eh?" he smirked at me and I laughed out loud.

"Yes, I suppose we are. Though I don't mind and neither do you." I grinned and we took one last look around the meadow to see if we had missed anything.

-xxXxx-

I don't know how Carlisle managed to pull it off, but Esme wasn't fawning over us when we were getting ready to leave the farm.

She had packed us enough food for a week, including a bottle of wine which was sort of nice. When we went to the stable to saddle up the horses, she decided to stay in the house.

"Wonder what dad did to get her to stay inside..." Edward mumbled as he fastened the saddlebags and double checked that they were properly closed.

"I was just thinking about the same. I'm glad though."

"Yeah, I'm slightly nervous as it is and well..." he sighed and we walked the horses out of the stable.

Edward had a new back protector, but I secretly hoped he would eventually get back his muscles to be able to fill his old one. He got on the horse easily this time, even though he was nervous. Some things become automatic, part of you in a way, and for the both of us most movements needed around the horses were coded into us. Like getting on one or putting on a bridle or checking if the saddle was fitting the horse as it should.

"You okay?" I asked when he gathered the reigns and smiled at me a bit shakily.

"Yeah, sort of strange though. But I trust Storm," Edward said, petting the horse a bit.

"Anything I need to know about this one?" I asked, nodding towards Carlisle's gelding that seemed half asleep as per usual.

"Hmm...well Red has this turbo thing in him that awakens when he gets to the forest. So don't let that lethargic expression fool you. Besides he's being ridden so little these days that it's pretty much impossible to tell how he is when someone actually does ride him..." Edward said thoughtfully.

Yeah I knew how horses could be. Peter's mare was one of those horses who went nuts after not being ridden for two days. No matter what you did, she'd get into her wild horse-zone and would be a handful to ride. The funny part was that she didn't need anything but a half an hour trip around the ranch and she'd be okay again. You'd think that kind of behavior would need more exercise but no, not necessarily.

I got on the horse who perked up a bit and we began our slow and leisurely journey through the edge of the field.

"You'd better go first with Red once we hit the path. Storm will stay calm anyway, but if Red goes nuts you'll need space," he pointed out and I just nodded as it made sense. If we were behind Storm and Edward on the path, chaos might ensue and Edward wasn't ready for that.

When we got to the edge of the forest, I guided the thoroughbred to the path and I could tell how the horse beneath me gathered himself; his whole posture changed into a more alert one and I smirked a bit.

"Three," I said, loud enough for Edward to hear me.

After a few seconds Red's ears began to turn to every possible direction.

"Two..."

And then suddenly a bird rustled in the bushes well away from us but that was all it took.

"One!" Edward said in a cheerful tone just as Red bounced forwards and began to gallop along the path. I let him go for a while, he wasn't dangerous as he was just running and not jumping about as I had thought he would.

After a few minutes we came to the end of the path, out of the forest and it seemed like someone flicked a switch in the horse. He slowed down and stopped completely.

"You are a weird one, aren't you, Red?" I asked with an amused tone. The gelding was now sweaty and panting. The lack of exercise had made him less fit which worked for my advantage. Somehow I had a feeling he'd be all mellow for the rest of the way. Not that I minded or would have much difficulty even if he decided to act worse.

After a while of letting Red rest, I heard trotting steps approaching us from the forest. To my amazement it was Edward and Storm, trotting in a leisurely pace towards the edge of the forest.

The massive gelding seemed to be listening to Edward's every movement, keeping tabs on his rider to make sure Edward was okay. It never ceased to amaze me how some horses, other animals too, could read people and work to help them in every way. I knew that Storm would have made a great therapy horse for disabled people, though the sheer size of him made that pretty much impossible.

What made me grin was Edward's expression. He was smiling, happily, like nothing was worrying him and he was the picture of ease. I could see a glimpse of the young man in the beginning of the video Esme had sent me before I arrived in Kentucky.

The best thing? I hadn't seen the other Edward, the one from the end of that same video, in days, even a week. Not a glimpse.

I decided against saying anything and just waited for them to come to a halt next to us.

"He looks beat," Edward noted, looking at Red.

"Oh yes, I believe he'll be a good boy for the rest of the trip..." I chuckled and we began to walk towards the hill in the horizon.

It was nice, we chatted a bit as we went, the horses were relaxed and there was enough shadow from the forest to make the heat of the sun bearable. It was just past midday, but he had wanted to have as much time for us as possible, so we were early.

"You know Emmett put something to your saddlebag when you weren't watching?" Edward half told, half asked me.

"Oh?" I hadn't noticed.

"Yeah..." Edward said and sounded a bit weird.

I glanced at him and saw him blush. It took me a moment to get it.

"Oh..." was all I could get out. Condoms and lube, I suspected from the way Edward was reacting.

We rode in silence for a while until I cleared my throat and asked, "So, thinking about putting them to use?"

I know he could tell from my smirk that I was teasing him. There was still no pressure for either of us to take things further than we had so far.

"Maybe...I mean you _were_ bragging a bit the other day..." he grinned a bit, ducking his head to hide his blush. Damn adorable.

The joking managed to break the tiny layer of ice that was forming between us at the mention of something intimate happening. It was a clear sign that we might be ready, or then not. We'd figure it out together.

Slowly we made our way towards the campsite. The chatting continued. Edward pointed out something to me every now and then, memories of his childhood growing up here.

"See that big tree over there? That's where I fell off Calla for the first time. She was young and freaked out because of a deer or something... I wasn't even scared and I didn't get hurt. She stopped her fleeing when she heard me laughing," Edward recalled the memory. "The next thing I saw was her muzzle when she looked down at me. It was like she was trying to ask me why I was laying on my back on the ground, laughing my ass off."

His laughter was like music to me, even if the expression was such a cliché. I really did love him and would have done anything to make him happy.

"I think we can take her out of the paddock after I work with her for a few days more. You'll have to help though. I think you could start walking her around the paddock soon. Put a halter on her and use a long rope so you have more control over her if needed. When she is calm with you, I'll do the same thing and then proceed to taking her outside a bit. But we need to make sure there are no surprises." I spoke in a calm tone, slowly, making the words float to Edward instead of making them sound like a demand or something I expected of him.

After all, I could do it all without him but I thought he'd like to be a part of the process anyway.

"She'll be okay one day...won't she?" he asked suddenly, not looking at me when I glanced at him.

"Yeah, I think so. You'll both be," I agreed and guided Red to the last path up the hill.

Edward went silent and I thought he was concentrating on the slight climb we had. The horses stumbled just a bit on the path that hadn't been used much lately and it took concentration.

Once we were on top of the hill, the horses were getting more perky again. They knew where we were going and like Emmett had told me, they loved their part of the meadow and couldn't wait to get to their paddock.

We rode to the meadow and went to take the stuff to the campsite. Edward looked around before getting off the horse, his movements were slightly stiff from the riding and I knew he would probably have a bit of trouble after sitting down a while. His dad had sneaked some pain medication to me, just in case Edward's hip or leg would trouble him tonight or in the morning.

Neither of us spoke when we were unloading the saddlebags near where we'd put the tent. When we took the horses to their fence, they were nearly trotting towards it, eager to get there and be free of the bridles. We had left the saddles in the camp and would hang the bridles on a fencepost. The paddock wasn't completely on the meadow, part of it was in the forest so that the horses had shade when they wanted it. There was a small stream in the part inside the forest. There would be drinking water for them, and for us too, as it was a clear spring that provided some fresh water to be found in such a convenient place.

After the horses were left to graze, I turned to look at Edward. He didn't look happy.

"What's wrong, love?" I asked, suddenly worried because something was off.

"Jasper... What will we do when Calla is okay again?" he asked and the one thing I had tried to avoid thinking about was suddenly there.

The look in Edward's eyes was telling me that we needed to discuss this now.

Taking a look around the meadow I reached for Edward's hand and pulled him to a sunny spot surrounded by wildflowers. We sat down together, holding hands still, and began to discuss the options.

-xxXxx-

**A/N:** Okay, the next chapter will be their little conversation and the rest of their camping trip. All of it from EPOV.

Should be out in a week's time.

Also, if you haven't, then you totally should check out **www(dot)fandomgivesback(dot)com**

**The Fandom Gives Back Eclipse Edition** will be here sooner than we realize. Again.

I'll be up for auction so if you want me to write something for you, now is the time to put the thinking caps on. ;)

Also, I recently guest-recommended some great stories on the TwiSlash Unveiled-blog.

If you need some great reading, go check it out.

That's about it for now, I think.


	13. No Thinking

**Disclaimer: **All things Twi belong to S. Meyer. I own this story.

This chapter has things of citrusy nature in it.

If you aren't allowed to buy porn, skip this chapter.

Please. Don't make me call your momma.

The rest of you...enjoy? ;)

**Happy Mother's Day!! **

-xxXxx-

**Brand New Start **

Chapter 13

EPOV

My thoughts had haunted me for days now. The progress Jasper was making with Calla had me thinking... What would happen when it was all over? When Calla was okay again? Would Jasper go back to Texas and that would be it?

I pushed the thoughts away and enjoyed our time together. I knew it was selfish and wrong to think that it was actually nice to have Jasper slow down for a couple of weeks because of his ankle. Of course it sucked to have him in pain and so frustrated at not being able to do his job properly, I'm not saying that I was glad about it.

What I meant was that in two weeks I learned more about who Jasper was than I had in the previous weeks he had spent with us.

When his work consisted mostly of sitting down on the sidelines, giving advice to me, Em and Riley, he was anxious. I could see him almost vibrating with energy when he saw that one of us didn't understand his instructions on something.

I found it interesting that the guys followed his every word. Both Emmett and Riley were normally quite happy to lead and they clashed occasionally, though never that badly, when working together. But when the power had been taken away from them and Jasper was the boss, everyone worked together seamlessly.

My mom had given us naming rights of the little rascals, also known as Clara's foals. Busy at work, she was kind of bummed that she had no time to work with the foals herself. Luckily Jasper managed to convince her to leave that job to Em, Riley and himself. The colts were little menaces already. A few weeks old and they were very...opinionated, as Esme liked to put it.

What I learned about Jasper during those two weeks was that he wanted to tackle things head on. He hated to wait and was a fair leader. He hated arguments but if there was one, he would see it through, but wouldn't let it escalate. Jasper had a strong sense of right and wrong and he loved horses.

But he was falling in love with me as well.

It was almost strange to see the budding love shine from his eyes when he looked at me. I wasn't used to being looked like that and every time it made my heart constrict and butterflies fill the pit of my stomach. I couldn't believe how lucky I was.

One day it happened when I walked by on my way to get the laundry for Mom. He was running his fingers through his hair in an agitated manner because he couldn't jump up to help Riley with something in the stable. As soon as Jasper's eyes found me, they softened and a smile appeared, lighting his whole face up. He was stunning.

I smirked back and walked on. "Nice ass!" he called after me and I must have blushed. So maybe I was wearing a ratty pair of cut of jeans with a few strategic tears...

Somehow I was getting more comfortable in my skin again. I could wear sleeveless tshirts and tanks, and shorts too. Maybe the fact that Jasper seemed to want me no matter how I looked changed me the most. I was a shadow of my old muscular and fit self but I was getting better and I knew that getting a bit of tan wouldn't hurt. So I showed off my skinny arms and legs and got a bit of color under the summer sun.

Things like that, him checking me out or me just happening to be there to alleviate his anxiety happened often now. It made me feel good about myself that he had feelings for me and that I could help him when he needed me. After all he had turned my life upside down. Mine and Calla's and through ours, the whole family's.

We figured out the names for the colts by accident. I was reading in the shade one day with the puppies exploring the garden around me. Bella had plopped down and was asleep, though she kept an ear out for her kids. Jasper came to me with a couple of sodas in his hands and laid down on the grass. I was staring at the trail of hair that was exposed between the waist of his gray cargo shorts and wifebeater; it took a cough from him for me to snap out of it.

He chuckled and then asked, "See something you like?" with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Maybe... You're distracting me from my reading," I said and raised the book.

"Hey I love that book!" he exclaimed and we began to discuss it.

After a few minutes, the puppies were crawling all over us. They especially loved Jasper for some reason and would have followed him everywhere if allowed to do so.

"Ooh, I know!" I said suddenly, "Names for the little boys. Croup and Vandemar!" I said and Jasper began to laugh.

We decided it was perfect and I knew at least Riley had read the book too so we could easily convince my mom. She accepted it, not getting offended about the name choice and agreed to name the little colts after two insane killers in the book.

-xxXxx-

The question that seemed to stop time was asked when we got to the meadow and settled down some. Jasper took me to a nice spot and we sat down, side by side.

"I don't know, Edward. I want to see where we're going and then take things in stride," he said quietly, his hand searching mine and intertwining our fingers.

"But you'll go back to Texas, right?" I asked, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Yes, I have to. It's been a long time already and who knows how long it will take still. I have a ranch of my own there and I need to figure out what I want to do. I'm sick and tired of traveling and this...you and Calla, you were the last job I was going to take." He spoke in a calm tone, making me sigh.

"I don't want you to leave," I told him, childishly, but then again he knew this already so I could be a bit naïve if I wanted to.

"I know... What would you do if you were okay and Calla too? If there wasn't...us?" he asked and I stayed quiet for a while.

Honestly, I had never thought about it before. I'd had goals but then there was just that tar pit keeping me captive.

"I have a basic education. I was supposed to study something after I was done competing... I just don't know anymore. I'm not going to compete ever again," I said with conviction that Jasper didn't challenge. "So I don't know... I should study something but...I don't know what interests me."

"You can study in a lot of places...it doesn't mean that if you become a student we won't see each other anymore," he said and leaned his head on mine.

"I was thinking that I might want to be a vet... That was one of my choices originally." I said after a while of quiet.

"I think there's a veterinary program at A&M in College Station in Texas..." his tone trailed off and I smiled a bit.

"Are you saying I should move to Texas?" I asked and he chuckled a bit under his breath.

"Who knows...maybe? Eventually? When we see where this all is going?"

"I like the sound of that... Though I think I might be done with the taking things slow-approach," I said and lifted my head to turn and look at him.

"Oh are you now?" Jasper asked, his eyes sparkling when he caught the tone of my voice.

I smirked and moved so that I was straddling his lap. This was already quite bold on my part. We had unspoken rules and limits neither of us had crossed. I was sick and tired of that now.

"You're assaulting me?" he asked and leaned on his hands behind him.

"You're giving me room to play?" I countered his question and pushed the hem of his tshirt up over his abs, making him gasp. He was surprised? Big deal. I was done waiting.

"I'm not sure what we're ready for, but I want more," I said quietly, mapping his skin with my fingers, avoiding the words over his ribs as those weren't for me, they were Alice's.

When my fingertips glided over his nipples, he gasped and I saw his pupils dilate as I watched his expressions intently. Shifting a bit so that he could feel the bulge in my jeans, I leaned forward to kiss his chin once. It made him smile.

Jasper sat up again, bringing his hands around my body and I leaned to kiss him on the lips while my hands went around his shoulders. It was sort of sweet, even if I could feel his arousal too. Something about being here, alone with Jasper, was just so damn good.

After a while of sweet, loving kisses I tugged at his shirt to get it off. He complied after a slight hesitation.

"I'm not going to strip you from your clothes and do you in the middle of this meadow. Just want to see more of you," I said, raising a brow at him. I felt the vibrations from his laughter through my shirt.

"Oh?" he managed to ask after a while of laughing.

"Yes, I'm leaving the 'doing you' to the tent," I stated matter of factly and his eyes widened.

"Okay so we need to discuss this too then?" I asked and pulled my hands away from him and sat back a bit.

Jasper didn't say anything, but I had a distinct feeling that he was trying to read my expression. So I probably had the hormones of a teenager and I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone in my life. Those things alone made me look like I was pouting.

"Edward..." he started, sort of carefully because I probably looked like I was annoyed at the disruption of my nefarious plans of making out with him properly.

If I _did_ look like that it was because I was.

"Yes, Jasper? Is it so wrong to actually want you? I mean come on... I can't even remember when I last felt like this about someone. When I actually felt _alive enough_ to want someone. So I'm sorry if I'm pushing you and I'll back off if I must but..." I sighed and got to my feet, stepping away from him.

Rejection... I suppose no-one was good with that. For me it was something different though. My self esteem was hanging on by a thread and it would stay that way for a long time, at least until I had something resembling a healthy body again.

I heard him get up and then the heat from his body radiated on my back when he stood behind me, not quite touching me. The worst thing was that I could picture him standing there. His tanned skin with the ink adorning his perfect body. I had become addicted to him so very quickly.

"That first day...when you came to my room to bring me dinner, I had very little intention of eating it... I looked at you and caught your eyes for a moment and for the first time in months I felt something more than gloom." My voice was quiet and thoughtful as I recalled the emotions. "I saw in your eyes something that I hadn't seen in anyone else ever before, even before the accident. A part of me knew it was you. Immediately. That you'd make a change and then...when I began to realize you actually saw _me_ and not the shell I had become..."

He wasn't touching me but he didn't move away from me either.

"So...eventually I began to believe that you actually liked me. No matter what I looked like, someone like you might actually want me. It felt...like a miracle. Not only because you were gorgeous," I said and I felt him huff a little, silently, but his breath fanned my neck and I shivered when it caused goosebumps on my skin, "but because you were _good_."

"Sure we're new together. Sure we should probably wait. But I think I need this. I need you and I need to know, Jasper. I need to feel that you want me as much as I want you." I almost breathed the last sentence out.

Suddenly I could feel his lips on my shoulder through my shirt. His hands touched my hips and before I could react, he was pulling my tshirt over my head and tossed it to where his was. Jasper didn't make me turn around, instead he pressed his chest to my back, making me sigh at the touch. My body reacted to feeling him so close; I could feel myself getting hard. That was another thing I had thought I'd lost at some point. It's devastating, being a young guy and not feeling anything towards anyone. When you're supposed to get hard at everything and nothing does it for you anymore...

But then along came Jasper.

His lips were back on my shoulder, on bare skin this time, and I let my head loll back to his shoulder.

"It hasn't been easy for me either, Edward. I've hooked up with people a few times after losing her," he spoke quietly, his lips near my ear as he chose not to speak her name out loud, "but it never felt right so I stopped. Now this attraction to you...I suppose I felt it as soon as I got here and saw you. Something about you just...caught my attention." His words and the breath with them caused more goosebumps.

"It wasn't _just_ physical," he said and made me huff this time, "but trust me, it was physical too. From the beginning. But I knew neither of us could or should do anything about it. Then I wasn't sure if you wanted me too. No matter how you see me, I don't quite see myself like that. I see myself as damaged goods, Edward." He sighed a bit and I chuckled softly.

"Jasper? Can't we be damaged goods together? Since we obviously see each other so much more clearly than we see ourselves?"

Pressing a kiss on my neck, he placed his hands on my hips and turned me around.

"Yes." He smiled radiantly, making my heart soar at the sight of his happiness. "I think...I think that we think too much." He looked at me with a grin on his face and I wanted to dip my tongue to his dimples.

"I think so too." I smirked and he threw his head back and chuckled.

"So...how about not thinking? How about we just _feel_," he leaned to kiss me on the lips, "and go with it?" Leaning back he looked into my eyes and the emotions I could see in his were making the resident butterflies in the pit of my stomach flutter like maniacs.

Instead of giving him a verbal answer, I tilted my head and leaned in to nip at his neck. Hearing him hiss, I smirked a bit and then licked the spot I had nipped. A soft sigh escaped him and I suddenly felt brave. Maybe what he said was true. Maybe he really wanted me as badly as I wanted him.

Feeling all sorts of brave, I let my hands run from where they had laid on his shoulder blades to the small of his back. I placed open mouth kisses on his collarbones, first on one side, then the other. The taste of his skin was something I could see myself enjoying for years to come if he'd let me. Suddenly a thought penetrated my mind and my hands moved on their own accord to cup his ass.

_What would he taste like?_

I pulled away from him and looked at him. His eyes were slightly hooded and full of the lust he still tried to hide from me. Frowning, I stepped back.

"What?" he asked, confused.

"You're still hiding from me, Jasper. I want you. There's no reason to hide," I said and I knew he saw my disappointment on my face.

"Edward..." he said my name again, just a whisper but laden with so many emotions it was hard to decipher what he meant by it.

"No thinking, remember?" I said, quoting him and he smiled a little.

Jasper nodded and then his hands were on my hips again, this time pulling me to him almost roughly. When we stood there, skin against skin, I could feel my nerves surface again. How the hell had he fooled himself? How could he believe he wanted me?

"No thinking," Jasper said and crushed his lips to mine.

Apparently he read me better than I read myself. It took me two seconds to kiss him back, but when I did, I finally gave in to what I had held inside.

Our lips moved in sync; clearly we had had quite a bit of practice in the last weeks... My inhibitions and doubts were at least temporarily gone as I felt his hardness against my thigh, after all there was no clearer indication of his desire now was there?

Letting my nails graze his skin here and there on his back I glued myself to him. Without realizing I had started to roll my hips against his gently; it wasn't until he broke the kiss that I realized what I was doing.

"Hell...Edward..." he breathed and then smirked. "You said you'd wait until the tent." His brow rose and I couldn't take my eyes off his slightly swollen lips.

"You're not exactly completely unaffected..." I retorted and let my fingers move from his back to his side and then down his front until I could feel his waistband.

His breathing hitched suddenly.

"Can I?" I asked and he looked like he was having some sort of inner battle suddenly. "I want to touch you, Jasper. To taste you too. Please?" I whispered to his ear and this time it was him whose skin broke out with goosebumps.

He didn't speak, but that mean he wasn't saying no either. Popping the button of his jeans I smirked a little bit when his breath that caught again. The same happened when I pulled the zipper down. I wasn't looking at him; instead my eyes were fixed on what my hands were doing, but I could feel his gaze upon me.

When my fingers caught the waistband of his boxer briefs, I looked up at him and whispered, "Now is the time to tell me to stop."

He swallowed once, then another time, before clearing his throat a bit.

"I...I think we're ready," he just said and I knew there was a victorious smile on my lips, because his lips twitched too before he broke in to a chuckle.

"Damn you, Edward. You know how to get your way, don't you?" he asked and shook his head so that his sun-kissed curls bounced a little.

"Mhmm...you're not complaining... Lay down," I said against his throat before nipping at his adam's apple.

I swear I heard him hiss 'Fuck..' as he lay down on the grass where we had just been together.

"You know...all I want to do is to go to your saddlebag and find the condoms Emmett put there and ride you..." I spoke quietly, my tone getting husky as Jasper closed his eyes and groaned at my words.

Where I got the courage, I had no clue, but it seemed to turn him on as much as it did me so I didn't censor myself.

Pulling his jeans and boxers down, I suddenly stopped as I looked at him lying there. He was gorgeous. An inked god from some weird fantasy I was having, no way was this real...

It wasn't until he chuckled softly and nudged me with his knee that I realized I was staring.

"See something you like?" he murmured and I licked my lips which made him groan again.

I tossed his jeans and underwear towards the pile where our shirts were and leaned over him to kiss him. It wasn't a kiss to try and determine which one of us was the dominant party, because even if I snatched the control from him occasionally to drive him crazy when we were kissing and touching each other (until today it had been above the waist though...), there was never a question about who was in control.

Gladly I gave myself to him. It wasn't about the fact that he was more fit or taller or even older than me. It was because I trusted my soul with him, why wouldn't I give him my body too?

So I kissed him, letting him relinquish his control willingly and when he did, I kissed him more and more heatedly. Sucking his tongue, I let all my frustration in to the kiss. For weeks now I had dreamed of this moment and I couldn't help but to be aggressive. It would disappear as soon as it appeared, my aggressiveness, but since he seemed to enjoy it I let myself go.

There was a difference being controlling and being aggressive, after all.

My mouth trailed to his neck, biting down his pulse point, making him chuckle huskily. We had had a discussion about vampires a few nights ago and I knew he remembered it, especially when he mumbled "Bloody hell...".

"Oi...stop quoting Spike or I'll go get the supplies and ride you to the sunset, cowboy..." I purred into his ear which made him groan and shiver.

Gradually I made my way from his neck to his chest and flicked my tongue over the nipple that was surrounded by the petals of the cherry blossom. I still found it both amusing and hot. What I did find though, was that I had spent enough time making out with him already. All I was now covering with my hands and mouth right now was familiar to me. Somehow I was craving something new, the unknown, more than I had thought.

Letting my hand slide down his side and his thigh, I completely concentrated on every single touch of my fingers and my mouth on his skin. When my fingers caressed the inside of his thigh he gasped softly and made me look at his face.

Jasper looked glorious. His hair as a wheat and honey colored halo against the green grass and his cheeks flushed with light tint of pink. But the most beautiful thing were his eyes, stormy, darkening to the color of ink as he looked at me.

Without asking for permission again I ran the backs of my fingers along his erection.

"Fuck...Edward..." he hissed and made me grin.

"Been a while?" I asked while raising my hand and making a show of licking my palm a few times.

"Oh gods..." was all he could come up with. Sort of cute if you ask me.

I wrapped my fingers around his length, familiarizing myself with how he felt in my hand. So smooth and hard yet soft, and the heat felt wonderful.

My hand slid effortlessly over his skin, making him moan as he lost himself in the pleasure my hand was giving him. _My hand_. I was making this demi-god feel such powerful things... It felt surreal.

As if my mind and body were working without asking me, I moved a bit to kneel next to his hip and my head lowered down to lick the tip of his erection. I wanted to...no, _needed_ to taste him too.

There was no way to describe how he tasted on my tongue. If someone had asked me, I would have just said he tasted _right_. Just as his natural scent was a combination of earthy things like dust, leather, horses and rain, his taste was purely him, Jasper. So right for me.

I wrapped my lips around him, taking him in and now it was me who groaned around him. If he had felt marvelous in my hand, he felt even better in my mouth. The thought of surrounding him in yet another way later on, if he'd be ready for that step, sent my mind reeling.

Wrapping my fingers around the base of him, I began to bob my head, slowly at first. When his hips began to move and his lovely, husky voice began to let out words of encouragement, of love and adoration, my lips grabbed him tighter and my head bobbed faster.

I reached my free hand to roll his sac in my hand and his vocalizations became much louder. Briefly I was glad we were away from all civilization out here. There was no-one to hear him. With this in mind I moved my fingertips to his perineum, rubbing the sensitive skin gently, and then when I could tell he was getting close, I pressed harder, enough to cause him only pleasure.

Suddenly he was calling out my name. His body tensed and he filled my mouth with his cum, as I swallowed around him repeatedly.

When he was lying still again, his heavy breathing the only sound except of the birds in the trees surrounding the meadow, I released him from my mouth and looked up at him.

"My, my... The cream _and_ the canary too?" I know my tone was amused but it still made him blush a bit, even though he didn't stop smiling.

"Your fault..." he muttered and opened his eyes slowly to look at me.

I winced a bit as I moved, my hip didn't really like my kneeling this long but I couldn't care less. Jasper knew why I was wincing, of course, so he pulled me up his body and rubbed my hip firmly with his large hand, massaging the pain away while he looked into my eyes from such a close distance.

"Edward...no one has ever loved me quite like you do... Not...not like this. Not so completely," he said quietly, and I knew what he meant. He had felt how I had poured my love for him to the simple act of pleasuring him.

"Good...I like to be unique." I smirked at him; he huffed a bit and then leaned to kiss me in a _very_ possessive way that made my toes curl.

-xxXxx-

**AN:** I was going to write a longer chapter, but since this was so intensive and it seemed to take quite a long time to get it right, I decided to cut it here...

The next part is from EPOV still, as it will most likely contain the first lemon of this story.

This, what you just read, was a little citrus... ;)

_I hope it was as good for you as it was for Jasper._

I know some of you were waiting for them to have a long and in depth conversation about what happens in the future. Frankly, they aren't the kind of guys that would speculate and plan too much. They both know how fast situations change, so they're more for the 'taking one day at a time'-type.

One thing I need to remind you guys of is the _**Brand New Start Outtakes**_.

There are 6 of them now.

I know many of you just don't read outtakes, but let me fill you in on what I have posted so far, maybe it will change your mind? ^^

**I EPOV - The Tar Pit:** This is a little description how Edward felt when he was truly depressed, just before Jasper came in to his life. He also describes how he felt when he first met Jasper.

**II JPOV - From Darkness:** This is very dark as well. It tells you exactly what happened to Alice. It's not a nice read, but it makes you see why Jasper is who he is.

**III Christmas Outtake: **This one takes place some years later and describes their Christmas together. It's a nice little lemony story BUT it does give out some spoilers so if you don't want to know what will happen before it happens, don't read it. :) And no, the fact that they have a Christmas together doesn't mean it's their HEA. Nobody said the story ends to that Christmas.

**IV EPOV – Deflowering Edward: **The tale of how Edward lost his man cherry. ;) It's cute and hot and perfect. Even Edward says so.

**V The Accident – Drabbles:** This chapter deals with the accident we witness in chapter 10. It has a drabble from multiple people and it sheds light on what happened and how some of the people in this story saw it.

**VI EPOV – Realizations: **If you wonder what happened between Edward and Riley in the guesthouse, this is where you find out.


	14. Here By My Side

**Disclaimer****: **All things Twi still belong to S Meyer. This story belongs to me.

I want to thank my Jen and speedbetaing Amy for getting this out so fast once it was finally done.

I'm sorry it took this long. I hope you still enjoy it.

**:: :: :: :: ::**

BrandNewStart

Chapter 14

After Jasper got dressed, sans his t-shirt, we went to the campsite on the other side of the meadow and began to work on getting the tent up. It didn't take us long, we were both skilled campers even if I was terribly rusty. It was an old tent I had helped with dozens of times in the past though, so helping Jasper came to me easily.

We had sawed off a few low branches of the surrounding trees to have something to hang things on. I spotted the guitar hanging from one of the branch stumps.

"Hey, does that mean you'll play for me?" I asked, pointing at the instrument.

Jasper grinned at me. "I think you could persuade me to do it. It seemed odd to leave it behind so I brought it over when we came here with Em," he explained. He had been playing so much lately I could see why it was natural for him to take it with him.

They had gathered some firewood, so we didn't need to do much. The tent was in the shadow of the trees and I looked at it longingly. The heat was getting to me, probably because I wasn't that physically fit yet and I had spent a few hours by riding and then loving Jasper under the sun.

"Go take a nap, baby," Jasper said when he caught me looking at the tent.

I frowned, spending the little time I had alone with him by sleeping wasn't my number one priority.

"It's no shame to be tired after a day like this," he pointed out. "I'll come join you if you want to, but only to rest because you need it," he said in a tone that didn't leave room for argument.

"Okay then," I sighed and crawled to the tent.

It was a nice one, even if on the old side. There was enough room for four people to sleep in and even a taller man like Jasper could comfortably sit there, even kneel in the spot where the ceiling was the highest. There was a window in the ceiling too, it was really nice because if you angled yourself right, you could look at the stars before falling asleep.

I plopped on top of the light sleeping bag and the thin inflatable mattress Jasper had insisted we took with us. The mattress was wide enough for the two of us and I knew he didn't want my bony body laying down on the hard ground. I did appreciate the gesture, I was sure he slept on the ground back at home and this was a luxury for him.

Grabbing my hoodie from the backpack, I rolled it in to a ball and tucked it under my head. I did feel sleepy and when my body felt like it could finally relax, it was heavenly to be able to stretch myself and lay down comfortably.

Jasper settled down next to me and looked at me for a while. There was a lazy, slightly sleepy expression on his face and I smirked, knowing that I was a part of why it was there.

"Oh, stop that..." he muttered and made me grin more.

He leaned to kiss me and then encouraged me to roll over to lay on my other side. When I did, he spooned me, pressing his chest to my back. Both of us hummed contentedly at the skin contact. It was then I realized I hadn't put a shirt on after taking it off. I smiled a little. Even if I had bones sticking in the wrong places still, at least I wasn't self conscious like I used to be.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes next, the sun was shining in from the open flap of the tent. My toes were warm for once, a thought that made me smile sleepily.

The next thing I registered was that we had turned at some point; I was now spooning Jasper and my arm was draped around his waist, palm against his abs. Then it hit me; I was painfully hard and my cock was digging into Jasper's ass.

"Had any good dreams, darlin'?" Jasper asked, chuckling huskily and I felt myself blush. When I was trying to turn away, his strong fingers grabbed my wrist and kept me close. "Where are you going?" he asked.

"I...um..."

He let go of my hand and turned around carefully. Somehow I couldn't look at him right now. All of the bravery of earlier, all that was gone. Suddenly I was just me, Edward's shadow.

"Baby... there's no need to feel like that..." Jasper murmured, using his fingers to raise my chin. "So you were asleep, had a nice dream," his expression was mischievous when he added, "or I was just too hot..." to which I snorted and rolled my eyes.

"Maybe both..." I admitted.

"And as I recall, I'm the one who got excellent head earlier..." he murmured, his fingers trailing a path from my chin to my chest. My face was flushed in red again. Of course I had seen the effect I had on him before, but it was still good to hear it put to words too.

A fingertip was circling my nipple and I felt his lips on my forehead.

"Let me make you feel good, too?" he asked quietly, in just a whisper.

My breath hitched and I could practically feel my heart beating faster suddenly. Jasper chuckled and pressed his palm over my heart.

"At least your body agrees..." he pointed out cheekily.

Taking in a deep breath as if to encourage myself, I raised my eyes to look into his. There was nothing but love and a underlying hint of lust in them.

Finally my hands cooperated with the rest of me and I slid my fingers to his curls, pulling him into a kiss that told him what I couldn't put into words.

Need, want, love, trust.

Jasper's warm, large hand left a trail of heat behind as it descended my body. He let it rest on my hip for a while, building anticipation and once again my body surprised me when my hips thrust up to his touch.

I must have gasped into his mouth, as he raised his head and smiled at me.

"May I?" he asked, finally moving his hands to the waistband to open the fly and tug the jeans off me, if I'd let him. Hell...I don't think anyone could have made me not to...

So I nodded and swallowed hard as I felt him slide the pants down, my underwear in tow.

And then I laid there, inside the tent, mostly in the shadow and looked at Jasper looking at my broken, bony body. I could tell he was mapping me with his eyes. I remembered seeing the same expression on his features before, when he was looking at the horses or concentrating on something else completely.

A tiny little whimper escaped me and Jasper's eyes snapped up to look at mine.

"I don't know what you're thinking, darlin', but somehow I don't think it's the same what I'm thinking..." His smile was loving and gentle. "I look down at you, seeing all the bones that stick out and scars you have from surgeries and I think, 'This is my Edward, this is the man I love,' and nothing can change that, Edward. No matter how others see you, no matter how much you'll change as you get better, this," he placed his hand over my ribs that were too prominent still, "is how you looked like when I was falling in love with you and I'll always remember it. Now stop being self conscious and let me love you as you are." His tone was playfully snappy, like he was trying to make me forget the declarations he had just made.

I cleared my throat as I fought the tears away and gave him a weak smile. "Okay... I'll believe you... eventually." I grinned a bit.

Jasper let out a huff and rolled his eyes, but I knew he wasn't serious.

"I love you, too," I added, because I knew now for certain. It hadn't been long, maybe a bit over a month, month and a half tops, but I knew. Time loses meaning when you're too ill to deal with it. Things melt together, become one continuous loop of pain. And I realized the pain wasn't there anymore.

"Good, you had me worryin' there for a moment." Jasper smirked and lowered his head to mine.

I don't know how long we kissed, but I felt like floating. Jasper's calloused fingers smoothed my skin where he could reach easily and I honestly didn't notice when he touched my cock at first. When I did, I also realized my back was arching and I gasped, pulling my head away from his to breathe.

It was like I was distanced from myself and so in the moment at the same time. I felt everything and nothing at the same time; his mouth on my neck, shoulders and chest, his hand around my length, his words whispered to my skin.

As much as I wanted the floating feeling to never end, my body wasn't listening to me at all. Jasper shifted lower and began to roll and tug at my sac with his other hand. Vaguely I registered the tingling sensations I had almost forgotten about, the difference between a self-induced orgasm and one given to you by another.

And then I was flying, arching and curling and coming so hard I didn't know it was possible to feel like that.

Minutes later when I could open my eyes and look at Jasper, I saw him smiling at me from where he was sitting next to my thighs. The sunlight made his hair form a beautiful, illuminated halo. The man was perfect and all mine and I knew I was the luckiest boy alive.

Without saying a thing, he raised a hand and swiped a little of the cum off my stomach before lifting his fingers to his mouth. I swear, even though the light came from behind him I saw his eyes flash and there was a sound reverberating from his chest.

I swallowed hard and he let out a husky chuckle.

"I can't... yet... It's always been something that I need time for..." he said in a more serious tone and I just nodded. He wasn't gay, he was bisexual with less experience of men than I had and for some guys it just was like that.

"I understand, honestly I didn't even notice," I grinned and then stretched lazily, enjoying the post orgasmic state. "Man, you're good..."

Jasper chuckled and reached for some wipes I had in my pack and cleaned me up carefully. Even a simple thing like that left me purring contentedly.

"Someone needs a lot more orgasms..." he murmured, his eyes twinkling with amusement, "but before that, we need to check on the horses, get some dinner going and I believe I owe you a song or two?" he asked, suddenly being all sorts of efficient as he backed out of the tent.

Grumbling, I grabbed my discarded boxers and jeans and pulled them on before crawling out into the late evening sun. How long did we sleep?

Jasper's delectable ass was already walking away from me and towards the paddock, so I opted to go shoeless and walked after him, stretching my arms and yawning.

The horses were fine, happy and ignoring us completely. The normal camp site stuff like getting the water and deciding what to eat were easily done. By this time the sun was really dropping and the crickets were starting to get louder, we had a fire going and a blanket spread on the ground near it. Naturally it wasn't safe to be right next to the fire, so I was happy that the weather was nice and the early evening was still warm.

I noticed that Jasper had brought my hoodie from the tent and smiled a little. He really was a nurturer, whether he realized it or not.

Jasper was opening our bottle of wine while I dug out all my mother had packed for us to eat.

"You'd think she wants to feed a village..." I grumbled when I realized how much exactly there was.

"Let me guess," Jasper said as he settled to sit Indian style on the blanket, "pasta salad with chicken, some grilled cheese sandwiches and... something with chocolate in it. Plus fruit and sodas?"

I took inventory and grinned widely. "It is getting scary how well you know my mom."

"Oh, well if she's going to be my mother in law one day, I better start getting to know her now." Jasper shrugged very casually and leaned to toss another piece of wood to the fire while I tried not to gawk at him too much.

When he turned, I schooled my expression and saw him smirk. Narrowing my eyes, I just shook my head and then couldn't help the giggle that escaped me.

"What, you tellin' me you're not in this for the long haul?" he tried to look serious but then laughed with me for a moment.

It was strange how different he was now. Compared to the man he had been when he came to stay with us, the difference was striking. Jasper was relaxed with every family member instead of just the horses. His slight southern drawl was more pronounced too, especially when he was alone with me or aroused or just feeling otherwise good about something. Not that I complained, the accent was fuckhot.

We ate in silence, enjoying the sounds around us. The fire was crackling and the horses were calm, grazing in the grass. The crickets were loud and some birds were singing beautifully in the forest. I hadn't felt tranquility like this in ages, if ever. For once I knew my place in the world and it was right here, with this man who made me forget all my misgivings and faults and just let me heal and turn back into the Edward I was supposed to be.

"You pulled me out of my pit of tar," I blurted out around the second glass of wine.

Instead of asking 'what?', Jasper stayed quiet where he was now laying next to me on the blanket. He was propped on his elbow and staring to the fire over my shoulder. He leaned to kiss my neck softly and hummed contentedly.

"You've made me believe again."

His quiet statement was something that made my heart beat faster and made me feel so alive, it took my breath away.

I could only try to imagine what it had been like for him. Losing his wife and child at such a young age, when things were supposed to be taking off, the rug was pulled from underneath his future. Who could blame him if he had lost hope? Whether it was hope of love, life or just feeling more than sorrow again, I didn't know. Maybe all?

We laid there for what seemed like eternity, draining the bottle of wine and then just staring at the fire quietly, soaking in the warmth and the closeness we felt. When I had to sit up to pull on my hoodie, I reminded Jasper that he owed me some music.

He got to his feet and went to get the guitar, as I moved a bit closer to the fire to sit on a log. Sometimes I didn't recognize my own body, but this felt familiar; sitting on a log and pulling my knees up, an echo of childhood camping trips.

"You look adorable," Jasper said as he came back and settled on the blanket with the guitar in hand.

I leaned my chin to my knees as he began to play for me, clearly just playing something random at first before he picked a song and sang it for me.

"_I__'__m__not__afraid__, __to__say__I__love__you__, __anymore__than__I__used__to__be__, __babe__. __I__am__scared__to__death__, __I__am__scared__to__death__to__fall__in__love__..."_

I had heard him hum the song before and I wondered if it was something that touched him in other reasons than just being a song that sounded nice to him. Were the lyrics partially true to him?

Somehow it didn't disconcert me. If he had doubts, if he was scared, he knew I was here for him if he wanted to talk. I smiled at him and he changed the song into something more upbeat.

I laughed out loud at his song choice. "You only like that song because you liked it when mom was watching Glee!" I told him and he chuckled but nodded at me while continuing to sing it flawlessly.

Yes, my mom was watching the episodes of Glee she had taped and she was doing it with my boyfriend who was a hard core horse trainer cowboy... Even Emmett told Jasper he was more gay than he would have ever thought when they first met and he found out Jasper liked cock.

Yes, the statement was made in front of my mother and Emmett got thwacked in the back of his head by Esme.

Naturally I watched some with them, after all there's something about the guys in that show...

"Stop fantasizing about Puck and Finn making out and figure out another song for me?" Jasper said and I realized I had been staring into space again and blushed.

"Erm... hmm..." I mumbled and then it hit me.

"_Every__time__that__I__look__in__the__mirror__..." _ I sang and Jasper began to strum his guitar with a huge grin on his face. We did a very crappy and loud version of 'Dream On' Glee-style and laughed out assess off when the song was done.

"Next time I get to be Matthew Morrison," Jasper said as he placed the guitar to the side.

"Only if it means I get to be NPH." I smirked and Jasper muttered something about me having a thing for Neil Patrick Harris.

Getting to my feet, I walked back to the blanked and quite promptly sat down, straddling Jasper's lap. He raised a brow at me, but I merely kissed him softly and pressed my face to the crook of his neck.

It was strange how the feeling of peace and safety washed over me as soon as I was in contact with Jasper like this. His arms were wrapped around me and he was humming something under his breath. He was clearly on Glee-mode still and I kissed his neck before smiling against his skin.

The darkness had fallen around us and suddenly I became more aware of my close proximity to the sexiest man I'd ever met.

Despite his still healing ankle, he maneuvered to his knees and then got up with me hanging from him, my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.

I don't know how it still surprised me how well he read me. I suppose the intimacy from before had gotten us to this point, where we weren't so skittish around each other and could just act on what we felt.

Suddenly I couldn't wait for him to make love to me.

When we got to the tent, he looked at me for a moment, as if to scout my emotions. I smiled, determined, and he let me down in front of the tent.

"I think we need our supplies..." Jasper murmured and walked to the side to get the said supplies from the saddle bags.

In that moment I was very grateful to have a big brother like Emmett. He really did love me and apparently he loved Jasper as well. He knew neither of us would have thought to bring any. Mainly because we'd be too careful not to push the other even though we both, quite clearly if Em noticed it too, were ready.

I crawled to the tent and took the hoodie off, even though losing the warmth made me shiver. I was lying on my back, watching the sky from the window in the ceiling when Jasper came into the tent.

He smiled at me before settling down next to me so that he too could look at the stars.

Jasper's warmth against me made me warm up again. In more ways than one.

I turned to him and looked at his face in the near darkness. The only light was coming from the bonfire Jasper had fed a few bigger pieces of wood to.

There was no need to do the 'we don't need to if you're not ready'-speech, not for either of us.

"I've never felt this connected to another person in my life," I confessed quietly and Jasper smiled.

"Me neither," he whispered and leaned to kiss me.

It did surprise me, as I could feel he was being honest. I didn't want to think about his late wife but still... Maybe, just maybe we had found our missing pieces in each other? Soul mates, if you believed in such things?

While I couldn't be happy about Alice having died, I was glad I could be there with Jasper now. On the other hand, I wasn't very happy having had that accident that rendered both me and my best friend, Calla, incapable of any human contact and physically broken for months and months.

"Do you think... that... this..." I said after the kiss when I was getting my breathing under control, "is some sort of payback?"

"You mean like the universe paying us back for all the shit?" Jasper asked and looked thoughtful for a moment. "Maybe... I believe in balance and this, with you... it all feels right," he said and smiled at me, leaning back to kiss me and I could _feel_ the love in the kiss.

When we came up for air again, Jasper crawled to dig a lamp from the corner of the tent.

"That's new," I pointed out, not having seen the thing before.

"Yeah, Emmett had bought it, see, one of those new LED-things. Totally safe to have on in the tent even if we'd... forget all about it." Jasper's grin was mischievous.

"Ahh... and you plan to forget all about it then?"

"Yes. Now strip," his husky words were almost a growl. The sound made me comply immediately, like the tone of his voice called to something deep within me and made me hard in an instant.

I certainly hadn't been into playing with domination and submission before, but maybe I should file this away for further use? At least the commanding tone had made me all sorts of turned on in record time.

After I got my clothes off, I laid back on the comfortable mattress and leaned on the pillows. Jasper's eyes on me made my body respond by shivers that had nothing to do with the cool evening air.

I raised my brow and let my gaze sweep his body in a suggestive way. Jasper smiled a little and started to strip as well. The more of his skin I could see, the more shallow my breathing got. How the hell was I this lucky? It seemed like I kept repeating the question over and over again and never found an answer.

Every time I saw him shirtless I fell for him just a little bit more. It was like I couldn't believe that all that I saw was mine. Well, all, but the ink that was Alice's.

"Do you think she would approve?" I blurted out as my eyes caught the words over his ribs once again.

Jasper was quiet as he laid down next to me and pulled me closer to lay almost half way on top of himself. My fingers went to trace the ink on his chest while he thought about the question.

"Yes. I think... she'd want me to be happy. It was always so difficult for her to know nothing she could do would make things better for us. She didn't want to be a zombie because of the meds or have the ups and downs without them... I know we both thought we could handle it but sometimes... Things just aren't as straightforward as you think." All the toughness of just minutes before was gone from his voice.

"We never thought it would be easy, but we certainly didn't think..." he sighed and I turned to look at him.

"Nobody thinks of those things. Either they are looming over our heads or we choose to ignore them and make the most of it. I could never blame you for trying to hold on to the positive," I said and he nodded.

"That's almost exactly what her parents told me."

"They were right. If I remember correctly, your sister said something about you starting to live again." I smiled and kissed his chin. There was a tiny bit of stubble there, it scraped my lips and I loved the feeling.

"Mmhmm..." Jasper said, the tone changing again.

He kissed me while practically lifting me on top of himself. Our naked bodies were flush from our lips to our feet and the feeling made me want to purr. He felt so warm under me, his hands mapping my back and fingers gliding over my skin, teasing my butt ever so gently.

Placing my hands on either side of his chest I lifted my head to look at him.

"So, is this your way of saying you want me to top from the bottom?" I grinned and to my surprise he blushed.

"Eh... it's been a while and... If you think it won't hurt your hip? I'd like to make sure I won't hurt you," Jasper's tone was quiet, his eyes pleading, and I could understand his hesitation.

"You wouldn't hurt me, Jasper. I know it. But if this makes you feel more comfortable..." I let the rest trail off and shifted so that I was straddling his waist. He didn't need to answer. I'd do anything for him and to make this as perfect as possible.

I reached for the lube and condom, looking at it for a moment.

"At home we won't need that... I mean... unless you want to..." Jasper blushed again, averting his eyes from me.

"Oh, I never really thought that far but you're right. We're both clean..." I said, we had both been tested quite a few times in the past and were certain of that. We had had the discussion of being tested one evening while we sat watching the puppies play. It had been Jasper's practical side kicking in and I had been amused. It didn't seem so amusing now.

Here it would be easier, mess-wise, to use a condom. I had never been exclusive with anyone for long enough to have unprotected sex. That would be something I looked forward to doing with Jasper. But first things first...

Jasper took the lube and slicked his fingers. As I smiled and leaned to kiss him, I felt his fingertips stroking my skin. The soft touch after the lube warmed a little, was enjoyable and I trembled as the little pressure glided up and down my crack.

"Stop... teasing..." I gasped into his mouth when I realized he was doing just that. He was avoiding my entrance even when I rocked my hips a little, making our cocks rub against one another.

I swallowed his husky chuckle when he gave in and I felt his fingertip teasing my ass.

"_Fuck__..." _ My lips scraped against his stubble as I let my face slide down his cheek to his neck.

It had been a long time and the emotions connecting us enhanced every touch. Breathing, gasping against his pulse point I rode the sensations coursing through my body. I barely registered the second finger or the third and I certainly didn't realize I was rocking more until Jasper groaned under me.

"You're going to make me come... before I'm inside you..." he said huskily and I blushed. I was fucking myself with his fingers and in turn causing quite a bit of friction between us.

"Oops..." my tone was shy suddenly and Jasper chuckled.

"Not that I mind the fact that you're enjoying yourself, my love..."

"Oh, shut up..." I smirked, taking the condom and moving enough to roll it on him. "Now watch," I said, remembering my promise to top from the bottom.

I applied some more lube on his erection and positioned myself again. His hands were on my hips now, helping me balance just in case I needed it.

When I guided his cock to my hole and sat down on him, I could feel the tension in him as he struggled to stay still.

It was strange to think that not long ago I was pretty much a living dead, barely existing, Edward's shadow, and now I was here in this tent, making love to the man I hoped to spend the rest of my life with.

When I began to move again, he opened his eyes and looked at me in wonder.

"Edward..." he whispered, reaching his hand to grab me by my neck and brought me down for a kiss that stole my breath away.

I placed my hands on his chest and held myself up for a while, letting him do the work. I enjoyed just staying still while his cock moved in and out of me, spreading the love from my heart to my whole being. In some ways I had never before understood the phrase 'making love', now I did and I wanted to hold on to the feeling as long as I could.

Just as I began to feel the first signs of my arousal hitting its peak...

"Oh fuck, ow!" I heard the whine escape my my mouth and Jasper stopped moving immediately, flipping me off him and on my back before I had time to notice.

"Hip?" he asked breathlessly, his hands going to where he knew the pain came from.

I nodded and he started to rub the muscle on my thigh and my hip.

"Hey... none of that..." I heard him murmur and blinked, looking at him quizzically. It was then I realized I had tears rolling down my cheeks. Not from the pain, it wasn't that bad, but the disappointment.

"We knew that could happen, didn't we? So we'll try again, be more creative..." He flashed me his irresistible smile and I wiped my tears, feeling myself responding to the smile.

"Any ideas?" he asked as my thigh stopped to tremble and I could flex my leg again. I thought for a moment.

Smiling, I nodded towards his erection that had wilted enough for the condom to need replacing. "You toss that one and let me take care of the rest..." I smirked, feeling better again. I could do this, _we_ could do this. It was just overcoming the physical obstacles my injuries were still causing, but I felt safe and loved with Jasper.

Eventually, after some more making out, I rolled another condom on him and slicked the sheathed cock with more lube. Then I winked at Jasper and turned to kneel away from him.

"Come on then..." I breathed huskily and looked at him over my shoulder.

I didn't have to wait for long. I felt the head of his cock against my entrance and exhaled, pushing back against him. Two simultaneous moans filled the tent as we became one again.

This time he tugged me up, his more muscular front against my skinny back, and held me up as we knelt together in the middle of the tent and our bed.

"I love you, Edward..." he whispered as his thrusts picked up speed.

"I love you, too..."

When Jasper shifted the angle a little, his cock rubbed against my sweet spot and the sound reverberating from my chest sounded needy and animalistic, almost foreign.

My fingers were tangled up in his hair and my other hand went to my own erection.

"The day at the river..." I gasped and felt Jasper nod. "I went for the walk..."

"And?" Jasper managed to ask as he took a more firm hold of me, picking up the pace yet again, almost slamming into me in earnest now.

"I had to... touch myself... because you looked... so hot... coming out of the water..."

As soon as my words were out of my mouth and registered by Jasper, we were both flying. The intensity of the lovemaking had been one thing, but the resulting orgasm, the feeling of my soul touching his when we fell into something private and pure was something else completely.

It was a high I never wanted to let go of and never ever wanted to experience it with anyone else but Jasper.

**:: :: :: :: ::**

**A****/****N****: **I hope it was even remotely worth the wait.

There were two songs playing in my head while writing the last part;

_Weapon_ by Matthew Good and _Glass__Vase__Cello__Case_ by Tattle Tale.

Again, as you can see I'm not abandoning this story. I'll do my best to finish it, no matter how long it takes. I really haven't written that much during the summer and this early fall. My muses have been gone and my depression has been on high gear.

No matter what else I write or don't write, Brand New Start is my baby and I won't abandon it.


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